Secrets and Bloodshed
by MsDayDream
Summary: Katniss: A 19yr-old Merchant Kid whose parents disappeared without a trace. Peeta: A 19yr-old Seam Kid. She needs to protect that boy because she owes it to Delly. Somehow Peeta know about the disappearance of her parents but cant tell her. Under the complexity of Dist13 & Delly's win, Katniss learns the disappearance of her parents & must venture to the Capitol as a male soldier.
1. Prologue

•

• • • Secrets and Bloodshed • • •

•

• Prologue •

•

My name is Katniss. Katniss Everdeen. Most of the Seam people hate me—or should I say _us_, at least –we never worry of tomorrow if we starve. We fill our bellies with a stomach-full each day without breaking a sweat. Maybe it I the reason we deserve their deep antipathy. I am, and Prim, what they call Merchant kids, that they envy and despise. I guess I can't blame them, since there's the Hunger Games to worry about, and the multiple names then own in the Reaping Bowl, they can hold their grudge, if that's their way of releasing of anger, I'm taking the blow. Maybe it's also the reason why I don't talk to new people. That I always feel uneasy whenever they try to talk to me. I was never an easy companion to be with.

Tomorrow, I'm turning nineteen, meaning I am ineligible to attend the reaping next week. Tomorrow's going to be a real party, turning nineteen seems like the age of maturity and the age of relief. Because of the fact I no longer have my name thrown into the reaping bowl this year. But I can't really celebrate, can I? My little sister, Prim on her third reaping, the first without me standing with her at the City Circle. My friend, Gale, who is not turning nineteen until the next two months. These are two people that I'm most certain I love since my parents died. Or so they say they died. But for me, _disappeared_ is a better word. They're no corpse found.

Once, my parents went to gather herbs beyond the fence, to extract the serum to make medicine with. And then they were gone. Just disappeared. Without a trace. The Head Peacekeeper, Cray allows them to, in fact, he was okay with the idea. So he wasn't a suspect. Going beyond the fence violates at least 12 laws in District 12, and punishable by public execution. And no Everdeens had been publicly executed for all I know. If they did, we'd be the first ones to know.

As of now, I don't have the slightest idea of their whereabouts. No corpse. No blood. They're not dead. I hope.

I was twelve back then. They go to the woods twice a month. Prim and I always go with them if they do. But that same day they were last seen, Prim was sick, I am to take care of her. Never in my mind had I imagined nor thought it was the last day I'd see them smile. If I knew I'd lose them, I should have stopped them from walking another inch of that doorstep. I heard the last bell as them went out of the shop. And after so many years, I'm still hoping to see their smiles when that door opens and greet us warmly with their longing arms.

Since their gone, our Aunt Aloe and Aunt Vera, Sisters of my father, helped us run the shop and taught us what we need to learn of. Like running the business and mixing herbs to make medicines.

Gale was there, when I was running to the woods, half-crazy, crying my eyes out. Feeling like the world's going to end. Screaming every foul word I know in the vast nothingness of the woods. I didn't know any good. Then realized I can't lose myself. Not for Prim. I still hear him say in my thoughts "_Life doesn't end here, Katniss. I don't want you to stop your life here. Breathe, breathe, please. I don't want to to kill yourself, not here, not now. I love you, Katniss."_ But I was twelve, I didn't return his feeling up until now, I still don't think it's the right time. I think we're still children. I didn't return any gesture of affection to him. If he's true, he can wait. There're a lot of girls flirting with him. I don't want to act like I'm, one of them.

Gale. I'm kind of terrified of him. He's not a town boy, I mean, he used to be when his father died. Just because of a feeble-minded Peacekeeper. The Peacekeeper sent the bullet flying in his father's skull when he dropped his gun to the cemented ground. Without another gasp, he was a goner. The feeble-minded Peacekeeper paid his debt, he was out of everyone's eye the next day, not knowing if Cray told us the truth that he killed the Peacekeeper himself, Or if the man was really sent to another District and ran off unscathed.

Gale was fourteen then. It sucks for him since he has to sign up or the tesserae to feed six mouths. I help him get through a whole year. He was helping out in the shop with my Aunts but decided he can't depend on us forever so he went hunting in the woods, endangering his life for the sake of filling his family's empty bellies. Having to grow up with almost everything at your grasp then one second have absolutely nothing to eat is the worst thing a Town kid has to suffer.

Gale's father was a doctor, doctors are college graduates and much more experienced than a healer, but instead of recommending the expensive pharmacy medicines from the Capitol, he recommends our Apothecary Shop for medicines. He was a good friend of my parents, they practically worked together to make a living. So, Gale is my childhood friend, I think I'm supposed to marry him when we reached the right age. I hear them talk about it when they come to our house on occasions or watch the Hunger Games on our television, not that they don't have their own. They like discussing their opinions of the games to each other, often times I head them scowl at the Capitol.

It took Gale a short while to get used to hunting in the woods by himself. Amazing how he can snare squirrels, rabbits and the occasional deer. Through the years he had perfected this art. He's a real hunter now. Sometines he teach me how to do his stuf , I cannot doubt it, I learn more from him than I learn from school. Except for archery, I'm that champion at school, and that skill, he doesn't have. Every now and then, I go to the woods alone even if it's miles away from the house, at those times I want to drown in my own world. He could make me smile. Not wanting anyone except him. I want to be away from the Shop where my Aunt Vera would scold me for being so stupid at mixing the serums. She adores Prim though, she's much better at doing this medicines and a better learner, rather have the more potential to be a healer than a brutal and an unfriendly Katniss.

Gale, a true and kind friend. Confesssed his feelings at the very young age of twelve. Immature. I might announce to him, but didn't dare to. I didn't return his feelings nor did I say I won't try. I'm just not sure if they're true and genuine enough to be even considered to be called love. Or just the false image of child-like infatuation. But honestly, I'm perplexed of my feelings for him. What if I just pity him? Or I just want him because he's always the company I'm longing for. He kissed me one time, and I responded not with my lips but with a stone-hard fist smashing his face. He didn't talk for weeks after what he did, but he apologized and my rage eventually vanished.

"Katniss," Aunt Vera's voice breaking me out of my deep thoughts. "It's almost noon, dear, aren't you going to pick up Prim?"

"I am, in just a minute" I went upstairs to our room and changed into a more presentable clothing. A sleeveless grey shirt underneath a leather jacket and an old-fashioned blue jeans, all owned by my mom. I headed for my used to be school.

Graduating high school is an honor or District 12 children. Not all who wanted to go to school can attain it. Since college is much of a rich people deal, I can't afford it. It's a luxury, as many people said. Gale could have gone to the Capitol for college if his father hadn't been killed. Universities are exceptional. Only rich districts have those. District 1, 2, 4 and 5. No universities here, cause I can count with my fingers those who can pay for college.

"We'll be just ten minutes Aunt Vera, we won't be long." Aunt Vera, I can't say I love her.

Because once, there was a young man, about my age, 12; he's a blond who lives in the Seam. Badly wounded by two stray bullets on his chest. It was the morning that my parents was declared missing. There was tension in the Shop when everyone stopped to look at the young man. His face was pale, lifeless as I describe it. It was obvious he has been enduring the pain for so many hours. I don't know how long that bullet has struck him. But he has a lot of tolerance to even stay alive even the enormous amount of blood loss. The bullets must be pulled out of his chest before applying any healing medicine. He was bleeding to death.

He was looking right into my eyes, like he was saying _"Make the pain go away"_ like I would if I was in his stance. He was mumbling something, but I can't hear hi voice. I saw so much blood, but I can't even dare to look away. The boy needs an expensive treatment to get the bullets out and an important jab. For what all Aunt Vera knew, he has not have one cent upon his pocket so she said, "Let him die, we can't afford to lose that priceless serum on that boy" her expression fuming. It wasn't to deny, the serum he needed was found only in District 2 but is treated by some device from the Capitol. It's worth a fortune to have it. The boy already has blood poisoning, he's running out of breaths. He'll die. I was twelve, a child, but knew better that what she knew. I answered her back, endured the profane scowls and hits I received from her fist. But I still stood up, fearless of another blow to the head, _"If mother and father were here, they wouldn't let that boy die"_ I shot her my enraged eyes. Prim looks at her in her innocent ones, hiding at the staircase, wondering what she'd do to the boy. She looks at her. I don't know what triggered her mind to oblige to what I say, I'm eager to save this boy, and he won't die all because we're in a bad situation. If my parents were there in that morning, they would treat the boy, both of them will pour blood and sweat to save that boy, but no, they're not there.

The little girl who brought him there, another blonde, whom I think his sister, thanked me but I didn't accept the credit. It was still Aunt Vera who saved him. "It's a life-long debt, since you saved him" her name's Delly Cartwright. I didn't know her brother's name. I neither asked of his name nor the reason he was shot. All I know is he's alive and breathing. And he gave me hope..

Delly and Prim became best friends since them. Whenever Delly reaches out to me, always have the natural ability to bore her. Delly is a friendly girl from the Seam, she's good at conversations at school, but I'm not good at making friends. I never heard her say anything about the boy. She never mentions him to me. To Prim she does. Delly is always with the blond boy at school. Prim laughed at me when I thought the blond was Delly's brother. I forgot the name of the boy.

Delly stopped speaking to me one day, almost immediate it surprised me, I don't know the reason, I didn't ask because I consider her an acquaintance rather than a friend. She began to look at me differently, she gives me this weird look. Not disgust, not resentment not grudge but envy. And again, I don't know the reason.

But I notice him a lot. I catch him staring at ne at times. I like his deep blue eyes. The ones that begged for his death but somehow made it through. His hair reminds me of my parents. The exact shade of the strands from my mother and those dandelions she picks for me at the meadow. His existence didn't shatter me entirely when I lost them. I was convinced I saved his life. Sometimes in class, I sneak a glance at him. He never notices me.

I don't have a crush on him. He just gives me hope to live. Continue existing. There was still reason to live and endure pain.

I reach the school gate. I see prim approaching and crying. My brows crunched together. Small and weak for her age. Fragile as a crystal wine glass. If there's anyone, anyone at all who hurt her. I'll mark their faces, scarred and permanent. She's running to my direction. I open my arms to embrace her in a tight protective hug.

"Why?" I ask.

"Nothing. Happy Birthday, Katniss" she whimpers as she buries her ace in my neck. My birthdays not until tomorrow. She never forgets to greet me ahead of everyone else. But I hate to see the greeting like this.

"Why are you crying? Did someone hurt you?" my face more evident with fury.

"No, I'm just afraid of the reaping" oh, right the only harmful thing I can't protect her from is the cruel Hunger Games. Everyone's very vulnerable to the dreaded games the Capitol people call entertainment, whereas for other Districts, the slaughter of their fellowmen.

"There're thousands and thousands of names there, you only have five written there. It can't possibly be you" I assure her in my comforting voice.

"Kids my age look at me funny, mostly from the Seam" she can't pounce on them, it wasn't in her nature.

"Ignore them," I'd like to say I'll punch their heads off, but I wouldn't want to hear her scolding me for being so brutal. "Don't look at them, just walk straight."

"Okay"

"Let's go home then."

We almost reached the Shop when she asks, "Do you think it's embarrassing for a 14 year- old to be fetched by her older sister." She said in a joking way.

"Prim," but I put on a serious tone which kind of startled her. I placed my hands on her shoulder. I looked at her right through her eyes. "You _are_ the only real family I have. The last thing I want is to let you off alone and disappear without a trace. Like what happened to mom and dad. Don't listen to what they're saying about you, they don't understand us." And they will never will until the same thing happens to them.

She nods.

"Prim," she looks expectantly to what I'm going to say. It's important she must hear it cause I don't repeat myself. "I love you" she knows it but I want her to hear it from me.

"Katniss, I love you too. Happy Birthday.

•

•

• • •

**Hate it?**

**Love it?**

**Let me know.**

• • •

**Thank you for reading!**

• • • • •

••

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

••


	2. Chapter 1

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter One •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

"Prim! Prim! Prim!" I hug her as tight as I dare to make her stop. I injected the morphling on her upper arm. She kept screaming but the drug ran to her veins then calmed her down, "No more bad dreams, little duck."

"Quack" a lifeless and frightened to her wits response. She's always like this during every morning of the reaping. This day of course is much, much different. I will not be there to stand in the City Circle with her, I can no longer escort my delicate little sister to sign up. I can no longer volunteer, I ever, but please forbid, that her name will be drawn from the reaping bowl.

I'm already nineteen, over-aged to participate for this year's hunger games. The first time in many years. But this wild feeling overcomes me, I am very anxious. The situation is out of my hands right now. Even knowing the fact that the beautiful name, Primrose Everdeen, is written only in five slips within the pool of thousands and thousands of names in that giant glass bowl. The probability is mall. Not impossible. Yet very slim. "Prim, five slips." I held out five fingers. "The instance of getting your name picked is a micro spec compared to the Seam Kids" _who're probably obligated to sign up for tesserae to feed their starving families,_ I think. I can't say this to her aloud because I know, she'll feel guilt and empathy towards those children. I have no intention of making her feel guilty, my purpose is to cheer her up, not make it worse.

I embraced her tight and kissed her forehead. I want to ease all the tension so I sing her the lullaby our father taught us. I pat her shoulder as I sing.

• •

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

_A bed of grass, a soft green pillow_

_Lay down your head and close your eyes_

_And when again they open, the sun will rise_

• •

_Here it's safe, here it's warm_

_Here the daisies guard you from harm_

_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_

_Here is the place where I love you –_

• •

I stopped once I heard a knock on the door downstairs. "I'll be just a minute Prim." Prim nods and lay her head back on the pillow. I stand and went for the door. I open it and see Gale, spreading his arms out. My guess, he's inviting me for an embrace. I'm not quite surprised with this gesture of his. He did confess his feelings for me when we were ten. Dunce.

"Uh, Hi" I greet him with a low voice.

"Do you want to go to the woods?" he asked. He places his arms to his sides when I did not respond to his inviting arms.

"May I take Prim with us?" I ask him. "She's scared out of her wits because of the reaping. I think the peacefulness of our sanctuary could somehow cure the illness. I'm worried about her."

"Yeah sure, you can bring her along." He smiled.

"Prim Tagged along with us. She's the easiest one to get through the weak fence since she's the smallest among us. She's excited about coming with us but I think she's still afraid of the reaping at two. Peacekeepers won't care to ranger the woods. Today is the Reaping. The least of their concern is the woods. They'll prepare themselves to ponder the citizens to maintain discipline among people and in some cases, the hysterics of families of the chosen tributes.

I grabbed my improvised bow and arrows from the hollow log. I hunt as a hobby. I think I'm doing all these hunting to help Gale. Or maybe I'm using this as an excuse for being away from the Apothecary Shop. I liked hunting ever since Gale taught me everything he knows. But this one skill, archery, I taught myself and mastered on my own.

Prim's objective her might be just collecting herbs and flowers. Or strawberries, if she sees any of them. Often times, she just watches me and Gale hunt.

"Katniss," Prim shows the same worried expression. "I can't find the Mockingjay pin" Oh that thing. I gave it to her of her first Reaping. The lady in the Hob told me the thing could protect me. I gave it to Prim. And as lucky as it should be it protected her from the rest of the reaping if that tattletale is even true.

"Don't worry, we'll find it in time." I assure her. Them we heard noises from afar. Then Gale emerges with a huge turkey on one of his bulky shoulders.

"Are you really going to kill it?" Prim's eyes are pleading to stop.

"Yes Prim, this is what I do for a living, remember?" Gale smiles at her.

I whispered as I was just sitting beside her on the grassy meadow. "Just look away."

She just nods. Then after seeing her looking at the horizon filled with mountains and green trees she asks, "What's beyond the woods?"

"Well, more woods, maybe" I say with all certainty.

"What if we run?" she says not half-expecting her to say the words.

Then What? Get chased by the Capitol?" I scowl at the thought. "No, what we all need is here."

"I hate The Hunger Games. They're not fair at all. One of my friends was picked as a tribute, Aleina Smallflower. She died immediately. I hate how brutal they are. I just hate them." She grabs a small rock and threw it as far as she could.

This is the first time that I heard her curse to the Capitol. I agree with her as she does with me. This is Primrose Everdeen, fourteen, my younger sister, frail and innocent, yet is also mature enough to know she's defenseless against that brutal and merciless Capitol. She knew that she have no other choice but to go with what the Capitol wants.

"Prim, I don't want you to say those things when we're in Town, in the Seam or in School. No foul words." Of course I know she's not narrow not to know that. She knew the woods is a place where I can throw all of my grudge to the Capitol. "I don't want you to . . ." I can't even say or think of the possibility that she'll be brutally or publicly executed or whipped. No, she does not deserve any of the Capitol's fury. I can't let them.

"See ya at the Reaping!" I say to Gale, forgetting I will no longer have to sign up with them at the City Circle. I'll be just standing at the perimeter and watch the other children scared for their possible forthcoming demise.

We headed back home and cooked the Rabbits we snared earlier. Then get ready for the reaping. I braided Prim's hair into two and let her wear a blue dress what I once wore in one of my Reapings I've been in. "Katniss, I still can't find the pin." Her eyes are unmistakably worried. As for me, ten times the fold of what she's feeling. I can't protect her from this point. But five slips out of thousands. Very, very narrow. I'll just cross my fingers and hope it's not her. And it's not him.

We went to the City Circle. I can't escort her inside the signing area, I just stayed inside the perimeter.

I don't want to listen to the history and how we owe the Capitol our lives. No more of that crap. I could just scowl fowl words right now, but I won't do it. Not here.

Effie Trinket steps in, "Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor!" her high-pitched voice irritates me "As usual, ladies first."

I search for Prim within the pool of children standing in the City Circle. I see her agonizing eyes narrowing, heavy breaths and clenched fists.

"Primrose Everdeen." The oddly dressed lady says.

I'm not breathing now, my eyes widened. Her expression terrified. My heart beat's pacing. I fell to my knees. _No! _I scream inside my head._ From this point, I hate myself because I can't protect her. _I think. _I can't protect her._ My own voice echoes. I stare at her. She's quietly, calmly walking to the stage escorted by four Peacekeepers.

Without warning from my brain, I stood up and run to her. I am screaming but I hear no voice from my lips. Two Peacekeepers held my upper arm and raise me a few centimeters from the ground. The two men threw me inside the Perimeter crowd. A strong hand catches my fall. I'd thank that person if I wasn't so shocked and defenseless. We're both on the ground now. _Damn!_ I think, _I'm crying now._ I'm never this emotional but if it's the two people I can't live without, I can never restrain my emotions. I can't hide any form of sentiment. I breathed, slowly and deeply. She could win this thing if she wanted to stay alive. But a harmless Primrose Everdeen can never kill. I doubt it.

"And for the gentlemen," I read her lips but I can't help myself to shoot fuming glares at her. That colorful clothes isn't appropriate for attending a death sentence or what they call the Reaping. Why can anyone be entertained by the deaths of innocent children. None of what she's saying matters now. But as soon as I look away, just a split second and then she speak of a name. A very familiar one to my ears. Gale Hawthorne.

Please . . . Kill. Me. Now.

•

•

• • •

_**Hate**_** it?**

_**Love**_** it?**

**Let me know.**

• • •

**Thank you for reading! Love lots :)**

• • • • •

••

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

••


	3. Chapter 2

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED ****• • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Two ****•**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

The horrific truth sinks within my clouded mind. Is it even possible to have that combination thrown into the arena like that? Prim and Gale. Prim and Gale. Gale and Prim. Prim. My sister. Gale. My best friend. Or what they see that my relationship with him was beyond a best friend. Gale and Prim. Two people I love. There would not be anything as pleasurable as death. This is worse than any other pain. Just image of them being watch by all the citizens of Panem is unbearable. _I can't_ . . . I just can't let either of them die. Just kill me now. I can't endure to see them standing on that stage, it's no different to say that their days of staying alive are numbered. I hear her words in my head, _"I hate The Hunger Games. They're not fair at all" _the restraint disgust and fear in her low voice. I wish I can be eighteen again so I can volunteer to save her and protect Gale at the same time. I'd risk my own life to save them both. But right now I can't do anything but react harshly.

I'm screaming now. I can't stand the sorrow of being alone like this. I screamed, I yelled with punitive enragement, though I know it will be no use. I. _Can't_. Save. Them. What do I do? I want to yell run. But that would equal to high treason punishable by public execution. I get to my feet once more, despite the fact my knees feel like water, I have to do something somehow. But what? My mind is blank with anything useful. I tried to run towards Gale. I see him, looking right at me. Those gray eyes I've seen focused, exultant, dread, and passionate, now speaks to me, saying_ "I'll be alright"_ but I don't believe it. I will never believe this. Maybe he's thinking of Prim's safety than his own. This was the plan in his mind. Does this mean I'll have Prim alive and Gale dead? But I don't have a choice, I don't want it the other way around, either. I want them both alive and safe, just like earlier in the woods. We should have made a run or it when we can.

It is only now that I stop and notice that every eye is locked on me. Parents, gamblers, and children below my age are looking at me. I know what they're thinking. I'm weak. It's accurate actually. I am weak without these two people. I feel no shame at all. The two Peacekeepers throw me back inside the City Circle Perimeter again. The same pair of strong hands catches my fall. Then a girl, a blonde, looks at my direction, not me particularly, but someone close to me. She took a split glimpse in my eyes and immediately bolts at the stage.

She screamed at the top of her lungs, everyone was lured to her loud scream. They all have a startled expression when their attention was drawn by her scene. Even the Mayor and Effie jumps back. My sister's expression's the worse, like the ones earlier when Gale killed a turkey. _Why are they surprised? What is she saying?_ I lost my wits to ever hear anything accurately.

But the boy closest to me said something. I don't know what it is exactly. I think he said "Delly, No!" the blond boy whispered, I can feel the same pain in his voice.

Then I looked at the stage. Mayor Undersee's discussing something with Effie and Haymitch. They all agreed and I see Prim's eyes worried at a blond girl looking up from below the stage. Effie approaches the microphone, saying something I can't understand with her alien Capitol accent. There's hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me but I feel it shivering and sweating cold. I see Prim bury her face in her hands for a moment then she runs down the stage to me. It was unbelievable. I realized what just happened. I remember the blonde girl now. Delly Cartwright.

Prim embraced me as tightly as she dares, and so did I. She had never been as close to her death until this day. But I have to calm down, it's almost over. As for Gale. I don't know.

"Prim, are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?" I examined her arms.

"I'm not the one you should be worried of" her teardrops cascade to her cheeks. "Gale and Delly, my friends are the tributes" she sobs even more. She buries her ace in my neck and hugs me again. "She volunteered to save me. She's in danger because of me." I feel the guilt crushing her heart.

The families are soon called inside the Justice Building. We came inside to meet Gale right after Hazelle and her children are done. I threw my arms around him as soon as I saw him.

"Win this thing," I gasp. "You can do it." I cheer but it does nothing to ease the pounding in his chest.

"Twenty-four killing monster, one victor" he laughs at the hopelessness. "I can't win sorry."

"Gale," I look at him straight in his gray eyes. "I love you," my voice is almost a whisper. This is the first time I told him that. "Do it for me and your family. Make it count." He must've waiting for me for a long time to tell him I love him. I hope this first will not be the last, I hope. He broke our embrace and kissed my forehead. He must've been very happy to hear it. But I wish it was enough to struggle for his life in the arena.

"I love you so much" he whispers.

"Please take care of Delly also, don't let her die without a fight. Look after her please." I beg him. If it wasn't for Delly, Prim will be thrown into the arena, and die without trying to combat. He will protect her for sure, and might die trying to. She saved Prim. This is the only way I can think of that I could repay her for the sacrifice she made. She saved one of the people I love.

"I will. I'll make sure he wouldn't feel the worst pains" he promises, his sincerity written in his eyes.

Prim hugs Gals. "Win for District 12, Gale, you're big and tough, you'll win" she says.

"I'll try, can't say I will" Gale pats her head lightly like a father would to a kid. "Take care of Katniss for me" he whispers but not that soft to keep me from hearing.

"Okay, three minutes are up" a peacekeeper bursts into the room. Prim heads for the door ahead of me.

A bowed to him as I saying a sad farewell and walked out, but Gale grabs my wrist and pulls me to him. Gale placed his hand at the back of my neck and the other to my waist. He presses his lips to mine for a very long second, then he releases his clasp.

"Just in case I don't return" his voice was low. "Bye" no one can deny the agony, this is such a sad moment for us. There have never been victors coming from this District during the last 30 years, I wish to have one this year and I hope its this boy.

"Bye" was all I can say.

As soon as I'm out of Gale's room, I catch the eyes of the blonde boy who help me at the perimeter earlier. I remember his face. Peeta Mellark. It really took me a long time to remember his name.

"Can I talk to Delly?" I started to talk since he was taking a really long time looking at me, like he has not planning to speak at all.

I was thinking this boy has some defective capability to speak. It took him 5 full seconds before he responds. "She said she wanted to talk to you alone. Prim went in on her own, so come in when she's done." _Oh he has vocal chords after all._

I just nod, trying not to laugh at my idiotic thoughts.

"I'm Peeta Mellark" he gives his hand for a shake. "I live in the Seam."

I stare at his hand. _Should I take it? _I think. _No, _my mind replies. "Katniss Everdeen." I breathed heavily. He places his hands on his back, shamed of the gesture he did. I suddenly felt guilty.

"Delly and Prim are friends, right?"

I refuse to respond, not trying to worsen the situation. I know I act like a total snob right now. I'm just not in the mood for meeting strangers. This is not the right time to be smiling and trying to be the sociable girl I know I'm not. I can't fake a smile knowing that Gale's days might be numbered.

After a few moments, Prim came out. Her eyes are evidently puffy from crying. "Prim stay here. I'll be back in just three minutes." I assured and went inside Delly Cartwright's room.

"Hi Katniss," she said brightly as she always does for the people at school. For me, this is odd. I only have a few people who like me. She's not one of those people but she doesn't hate me. Smiling is not the kind of expression I'd be expecting to see from a person who's about a few hundred miles from her possible slaughter.

I didn't think, my body just moved and hugged her. She deserves this really. It felt like it's good to do it.

"Katniss, I don't have anyone who loves me. My parents died many years ago. I'm an only child. Relatives are too far from me. So I volunteered to save Prim, a one of a kind friend."

"Thank you so much Delly. It's worth more than a lifetime to repay you" I say with all sincerity. "How do I thank you?"

"Keep him company" she breaks the hug to look at me in the eye.

"Him?"

"Peeta, I want you to take care of him. Don't let him wander your side. I want you to keep him safe all the time. Cease him from doing stupid things." The bright and cheerful Delly Cartwright dissolved to a mournful face. "Promise me, Katniss" she held both of my shoulders tightly.

I nod once, startled by her gesture. I can't say anything from this point. Why do I have to protect that boy? What is he to her? I'm surprised by how she's acting for that boy.

"Katniss. Promise me!" she half-yelled. I guess she's not convinced by the nod I gave her. "Promise me please" the shriek dissolved into tears. She held both of my hands tightly.

"I promise, I promise!" I swore, trying to assure her and make her stop crying.

"He's the only person I consider as my family" she takes a bulk of oxygen. "I don't want him harmed in any way possible."

"I promise" I whisper.

"And Prim, she's a bright one. Wish she's my sister" she struggles to smile. "Take care of her as you always do"

"Yeah, you know it will" I smile to her. "Stay intact with Gale. He'll protect you." After a long pause, I speak what my gut has been telling me to say. "Delly, if ever Gale is in a very, very painful situation, feeling crucial pain and there's no means of healing . . ." _I can't breathe but I have to say it_. _The thought was very absurd. _" . . . to kill him" I whisper through my clenched teeth. I don't want all off Panem to see my Gale Hawthorne dying and begging for his life, like how hopeless his eyes were earlier. It's not that I don't have the faith of him to become the victor, it's just, if ever he has to go, I'll let him go. I don't want him to appear weak to those Capitol people.

She remained still, probably shocked by my words.

"Time's up" we both looked at the Peacekeeper by the door.

She leans closer to me. "Don't tell Peeta about this conversation" she whispers in my ear.

"Bye, thank you so much" I embrace her once more, "I'll keep my promise, Delly" I went out. I heard the creaking of the door closing behind me. The first pair of eyes I see are from Peeta. This is the boy I'm supposed to protect.

"From now on," I offered my hand for a decent shake since he tried to shake hands with me, I refused him. I tried to make it up to him by making this gesture. "We shall be friends"

He smiles and takes my hand.

"Okay, everybody out." A Peacekeeper told us.

Peeta and Prim walks with me. My hand is locked into Prim's as we're walking out of the Justice Building. All people are advised to go home and watch the replay of the all the Reapings from all the Districts at 6pm.

In town and in the Hob, there will be a celebration for the families who are saved or another year. But this year, we're one of the families who choose to close their doors and windows and decide how to survive the next weeks to come. This year's Hunger Games will be like no other. We won't be watching strangers in the television. Gale Hawthorne. My Gale. Is facing the probability of his brutal slaughter while all the people in Panem, most likely the Capitol, regard this killing frenzy as 'entertainment'. Whereas, they never think of the tribute's families who're suffering with their children, the worst part, the whole country seeing how they get scathed. Cruel. Just Cruel. How can they stomach this trash? They think of the tributes as their Circus animals that they can control just to show Panem, they're the most superior of all. Loathsome.

"Prim, go inside now. I need to talk to him." I say to Prim when we're at the door of the Apothecary Shop. It surprised me to see him walking with us all the way to the Shop.

"What is it?" he asked. "Did Delly ask you to tell me something?"

I shake my head swiftly. "I want to tell you . . ." I paused, thinking how to arrange the right words without making him thinking of another meaning. I'd say _'Delly asked me to protect you'_ but it just sounds awful to say and Delly specifically told me not to tell him what she said to me. "That you can't go anyplace where I can't see you" was all I can arrange. I think I might have said it correctly. I hope he doesn't form any ideas other than what I said.

His face formed an irritated expression. "Did she tell you to look after me? 'Cause you know, I don't need a security guard. It's not that I don't trust you Miss Everdeen"—I shrug when he turns the talk to a formal one. –"it's ridiculous, I'm the man here" he placed a hand on my shoulder. Then his stiff voice turned into a soft whisper. "I should be the one protecting you."

His touch sparks against my skin. There hasn't been any other man person that could do that except Gale. I didn't dare shove it away. I'm done offending the person I'm supposed to protect. I cringed at his touch. I looked at it. "Protect from what?" I said softly. He noticed the uneasiness I have because of his hand.

He took a long time to respond. "From a harmful living thing?" he was unsure as he gasped the words. He took another step towards me. "From the Capitol." The uncertainty was gone. He was sure of this, which disturbs me for a long time. I remained petrified. "I'll come by at six. I need to tell you something too." He left his words hanging in my mind.

He went off to the direction of the Seam.

This is weird. Why would he protect me from that Capitol? The days of my Reapings are over. The only danger that the Capitol could arrange for me is being a tribute in the Games, but I'm done being reaped. I will no longer be part of the inevitable Hunger Games any longer. There are very little chances that I'll be hunting beyond the fence the woods again, since Gale in the Capitol at this moment. Therefore, I can't be caught and punished. The Peacekeepers won't kill us. We're the cheapest meat dealer there is in Town. A Pig's thigh would equal to the price of a whole turkey to us. They can't arrest us for selling cheap meat. His words really perplex me. Why from all the things to protect me from, he would specifically say the Capitol. Maybe he knows of my grudge for the Capitol. But there is no way that the Capitol hates me. I bet they don't even know that a _Katniss Everdeen_ exists. I mean, there're a lot of people on Panem that are secretly withholding their grudge against the Capitol. I am just a minor percentage of their number. I'm not a member of any rebellious resistance. I can't even curse at the Capitol inside District 12. I only do when I'm in the woods, which most-likely Gale was the only one could hear me do it. Maybe that's it. He heard me screaming in the woods and thinks it's enough reason to be beheaded by Peacekeepers. Or maybe, the _something_ he's about to tell me is about that.

"Katniss, are you coming in?" The ring in the door of the Shop rings. Prim opened the door behind me.

I nod and went in.

_What do you want to tell me, Peeta Mellark?_

•

•

• • •

**RATE ME:**

**(Anonymous Reviews are Always Accepted) **

**1 – I totally love it. Keep it up. I'll buy your books in the future.**

**2 – The plot is great but needs a little improvement on grammar.**

** 3 – Good story, you just have awkward sentences that I can't understand**

**4 – The story is just too impossible to happen / Do you know English?**

**5 – THROW THAT TRASH OUT OF FANIC!**

• • •

** Don't be afraid, I don't bite :)**

• • •

**Thank you for reading! Love lots :)**

• • • • •

••

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

••


	4. Chapter 3

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Three•**

• •

_**[Peeta Mellark]**_

•

Primrose Everdeen, her sister. Gale Hawthorne. This boy, I don't even want to think of his relation to her. But now, I feel the guilt of loathing this boy. Because right now, seeing Katniss on the ground like this, crying her eyes out. I'd trade my own life for Gale. I don't want to see her at this weak stance. I am willing to trade my life for Gale. Yes. Because I know she loves this boy. I can't bear to see her like this.

I am here, seated on the cold hard ground like she is. I don't know how to comfort her. As painful as it is, I know I am a stranger to her. And I know she doesn't trust strangers like me. To touch her might most likely be a sin. So I didn't dare to.

I feel so much pain for her. I want to hug her, embrace her until the pain goes away. But I can't do that. Katniss is not a person to show her frailty to anyone. But right now, she can't do anything to save Prim or Gale. The two of the most valuable people in her life. I can't stand to see her in her current stance. Screaming. Crying. Begging. And barely breathing. I've seen every angle of her emotion when I always view her from afar but this one. Mixed with anger and defenselessness, I failed to see.

I notice only now that all eyes are staring at her. _"No, don't look at her"_ I think. Everyone must be thinking she's weak, not knowing how strong willed she is. They don't know. My face is rearranged unto a fuming expression_. "Don't look at her"_

From a distance, I can see her. Delly, who is the owner of the only pair of eyes that looks at me. She must see my enraged façade. I diverted my gaze away from her. I don't want her to see me being weak for Katniss.

"Stop! Stop!" I heard the familiar voice, but this isn't the cheery one I always hear from her. "Please stop!" she ran to the stage and grabbed Prim's wrist. "I volunteer! I volunteer! Let me take her place" she eagerly says to Effie Trinket and Mayor Undersee.

"Delly, no." I half-shrieked as I absorbed what she is doing. "No!" This is just stupid. What is she thinking?

Then the Mayor, the escort and the mentor gathered in a circle to discuss whether to acknowledge Delly. Then the three nods in unison. She endangered her life to save Katniss' little sister. Prim runs down the stage and embraces her older sister.

Within a split second, those gray sorrowful eyes sparkles with a tinge of hope right in the corner of her eye, as she hugs Prim, sheathed into her protective arms.

"Announcing the District Twelve tributes for the 78th annual Hunger Games, Delly Cartwright and Gale Hawthorne."

The peacekeeper let me inside Delly's designated room in the Justice Building. I see her looking at me. Smiling despite the fact that she's about to be thrown into a bloodbath in the arena. What a stupid choice she had made. I can't possibly think o her getting killed. I hate that imagery overcoming my mind right now.

"Well . . ." she smiled bitterly. "I managed to save one for you." She can't hide her teary eyes. "Peeta, take good care of yourself."

"I'm the one to take care of myself?" I say in a sarcastic but not so offensive tone. "Pardon me, I'm not the one who's about to be killed here." I sit over to her side and embraced her. "That was such a stupid move." I softened my tone. I hate seeing her like this. "Why'd you do it?"

"I don't know, but it felt right doing it" I hear her almost whimpering.

"I really hate you right now." Well not really hate her, _hate_ _her_. I just hate what she did to herself. And I'm guessing this isn't her wanting to be the Victor for District Twelve of saving Prim. I bet it's about me. Us.

She half-scowls at me comment. "So that's what I get for saving your crush's beloved sister." I am right. No doubt about it now. Delly knows I've been crushing on Katniss Everdeen since the first glimpse at her sparkling gray eyes.

"Delly," my voice is deep and serious. "Win for me. Win for District Twelve." I embraced her tighter.

"Can't say I can" she buries her face in my neck, "But I don't die without a fight." She pulls away and plants a quick smack on my lips. I feel so insensitive. We've talked about this before. That I can't return her feelings for me. And let it go. Apparently, her stunt today proved she hasn't let it go. A peck can't hurt. Katniss wasn't even my girlfriend, barely even a friend, this can't count as cheating. I kissed her, long enough to make her feel that I care for her safety. I regret nothing. This is a start, an inspiration for her to struggle staying alive.

We pulled away "Well, don't you do that, Peeta." She says with her hushed voice. "I can take a word, _stay alive_? Yeah, I'll do that" she smiles again, the one without a trace of ruse.

"I'll be waiting for you" I reply. "But you won't be living in the Seam anymore."

"Uhm . . . yeah . . . Goodbye hunting" she laughs a bit as she imagines herself being a victor. I also smile at the thought.

"Just win, Delly," I reached for her hand and kissed it. "I'll wait by then."

I went my way out, not even finishing the three-minute allotment. I have to say sorry to her. The kiss is only intended to give her hope. Somehow making her struggle to stay alive.

"Peeta," the peacekeeper was about to close the door when she called me back. "Call Katniss for me" she follows with a bright smile. I nod. I wish this is not the last time I'll see that smile.

I asked myself a million times over. Do I love this girl? Delly Cartwright. A youthful and adventurous, young woman, who first made a friendly conversation with me in school. Then confessed her special feelings for me. I always say no in my head. No. I don't love her in any romantic way possible. I love her as a close friend and a hunting partner. She doesn't equal the impression that Katniss gave me. And comparing them is a ridiculous thing an imbecile would thing of doing. I never compare them. I never attempted to. And never will. Cause I'd degrade Delly. And I don't want that.

Delly's confession hadn't changed our friendship. And didn't affect my feelings for Katniss. I don't want her to die though. I want her to win. I have that gut that she can win.

A peacekeeper opens the door where Gale is. I can't help but look. I see her, about to leave the room. Prim goes ahead of her. She makes a final goodbye and heads for the door but he stops her. He grabs her wrists and waist. I see her stagger back. As he pulls her near and kiss her. This is not a scene that I'm expecting to see. I want to look away from it but I can't move, like I just fell into a lake of freezing water. Every shivers run to my whole body. The cold stabs every inch of flesh in my body like a million of knives cutting through my skin.

"Peeta, look away" It's Prim's voice. It surprised me. I can hear her in spite of my frozen state. "You okay? I know you didn't like what you see. Just talk to her Peeta, she'll be rough at first but you can earn her trust. I'm talking to Delly" she says innocently, then walks to Delly's room

When she walks out the room, she instantly catches my eyes. She's walking over to me. _What will she say?_ I think 'Thanks for breaking my fall' or _'What's your name?'_ maybe '_Get out of my way'_ or '_What did you do to my sister?'_

"Can I talk to Delly?" an angel's voice is talking to me. _Speak you dope,_ I mentally ordered myself.

"She said she wanted to talk to you alone. Prim went in on her own, so come in when she's done."

She nods. I think this is the right time. I collected all my gut and straightened up.

"I'm Peeta Mellark" I offered my hand. She just stares at it. She didn't touch the hand. "I live in the Seam," the hurt is still there when she didn't take it but I continue anyway.

"Katniss Everdeen" she replied in a cold stiff manner.

She seemed to have pushed aside the conversation so I tried to continue on. "Delly and Prim are friends in school, right?" And so am I with Prim but I didn't tell her that.

Damn. Another knife struck in my heart. She didn't reply. Bad. Really bad. I can't believe I'm pulling off a bad first impression. I said no more, she's clearly shoving me off. I could take a hint, so I'll just shut up now.

Prim goes out of Delly's room. Katniss examines Prim's puffy eyes then mumbles something. She goes in Delly's room.

"She cried, didn't she?" I ask her.

Prim nods. "I don't want to see her like that again."

"It's a sight I don't want to see either" my voice was low yet gruff. Then there was a brief silence among us.

"She talked mostly about you." I just listen to her. "Don't think this is your fault" Well, this is mostly my fault. If she didn't know I like Katniss, she wouldn't have saved Prim. Prim is her friend and very precious to Katniss. The only family that she have left. And Gale being picked out of the Reaping bowl. I'm sure somewhere in Katniss' mind she wished herself dead. That goes for the both of us. If I'll never talk to her, maybe after both of them being Reaped, she thought many ways to kill herself at that moment. Delly knows she don't want to witness her at that stance.

I saw Katniss went out of Delly's room, looking at me. "From now on," she offers her hand for a shake, which startled me. One moment she's her best to make me look invisible and constantly ignoring me then the next . . . "We shall be . . . friends" she wants me to be friends with her. What did Delly told her? I have no idea but I'm sure it's enough to make her want to be friends with me.

I escorted them to their house. Katniss tells Prim to go inside.

"What is it?" I ask, curious of what she might say that she wanted me alone.

"I want to tell you . . ."she hesitated to speak but managed to regain voice as I anticipate "That you can't go anyplace where I can't see you." Her words surprised me. Now I'm even more curious of whatever has Delly told her to do.

Yet this irritates me. I can't let a girl babysit me. I don't need one anyway. But her being by my side always is the thing I want but the protection from her, it doesn't seem fair. "Did she tell you to look after me? 'Cause you know, I don't need a security guard. It's not that I don't trust you Miss Everdeen," – I see her cringe at the informal addressing. "—it's just absurd, I'm the man here." I placed a hand on her shoulder. It surprised me that the sudden touch didn't seem to have an effect to her. "I should be the one protecting you"

"Protect me from what?" she wonders.

"From every harmful living thing" I say, a bit stuttered. "From the Capitol" I leaned in to a whisper, without a trace of hesitation.

Damn. I can't tell her this now. I shouldn't have said the Capitol. Now she'll wonder what made me say those words.

"I'll come be at six" but I should tell her since I gave her the idea. "I want to tell you something too"

At six, we'll watch the replay of the Reapings across all the Districts. And at six, I'll tell her what I know about the disappearance of her parents.

•

•

• • •

_**Hate**_** it?**

_**Love**_** it?**

**Let me know.**

• • •

**Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think :)**

• • • • •

••

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

••


	5. Chapter 4

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Four •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

"I can't believe him!" I curse.

"Why Katniss?" Prim wondered.

"He didn't show up!" I scowled some more. It's already 8 o'clock and the replay is almost over.

"Maybe he can't return because something came up" Prim defends him. "Don't be mad, maybe he needs to take care of his family." I softened up for Prim. But this makes me think of Delly's family.

"Prim, how did Delly lost her parents? How was her life after that?" I ask.

"Coal mining accident, the one that killed 52"

"Both of them work at the mines?"

"Yes. She's an only child. Her relatives are far from here and she don't know where they are and didn't bother to look for them. Then decided she can live on her own." She whispers, I can hear the pain in her words. "She lived alone in their house since then. She hunts to feed herself and stay in school" I hear her breathe heavily. "And help Peeta"

"Help Peeta?"

"Yes, just like you with Gale"

"Prim, you know why I hunt, it's a hobby." I remind her.

She nods innocently.

"That boy, Peeta, what's his story? Why'd he end up hunting from baking?"

"When his father got stroke, half of his body paralyzed. They became bankrupt upon paying for his medication, and then eventually moved to the seam when they can't afford to pay for their house in town."

"So apart from feeding a family, he needs to buy medicine for his father." The sympathy smothered my heart. "Must've sucked living a wealthy life then gone."

"I remember how we used to buy their bread all the time. Cheese buns were your favorite" she smiles at the thought.

I smiled with her. "And you, cookies with tiger lily frosting."

"Katniss, I miss them." The smile evaporated from her face. "Mom and Dad," she looks down. "Do you think they're dea—"

"No," I say abruptly. "They're not gone. I'll find them." I made my voice domineer and reassuring. I don't want to see her upset and hopeless. There's no corpse found, no blood seen, they're still alive. I just feel it in my heart. There's no way that my parents are dead. I don't even want to have that thought. It's ridiculous. There's no logical evidence or clue if they're gone. I don't want Prim to lose hope. "Prim, go to bed, I'll catch up with you later. I need to make an inventory of the latest medicines."

"I can help you" she offers but I shake my head.

"I can handle it. You rest, okay?"

I finished the inventory at midnight, and then prepared for bed.

I'm lying still, staring into nothing ness. I only hear Prim's breathing beside me and the crickets outside, I usually get to sleep at 10 pm. It's way past that now. I glance at the rusty old clock that we never get to replace. It says quarter to one. I don't know why I can't sleep. Then breaking the silence is a loud constant thudding on the door downstairs. I jumped to my feet.

Who could it be? Madge? That would knock at late hours just to buy morphlings for her mother? No, she won't knock as loud as this. Usually she calls my name. So I dismissed the thought that it was Madge. Then, Peeta? No, I just met him, wouldn't dare come here at this hour, after all the scowling I did to him, he wouldn't dare show his face at this hour. Peacekeepers? No, Cray would never be staying up this late. For all I know, he's lying down with his girls on his drunken belly.

I breathed heavily then opened the door.

My eyes widened in shock. I see black hair, grey eyes and olive skin. Gale.

He's bleeding continuously on his chest. He mutters the word 'help' with his mouth. Then just as when I'm going to help him inside the shop, a sharp razorblade shaped like a boomerang flies across his neck, beheading him. His blood spatters across everything in a short distance. Gale's headless body collapses on top of me. I screamed as loud as my throat could dare to scream. I've seen dead meat of animals and flesh but not a dead Gale right in front of my eyes. I don't know what this is. I don't what to call a dream that is worse than a nightmare.

"Katniss!" I hear someone call my name. But I'm still screaming, I can't stop. The horrific images are unwavering from my vision. Make. It. Stop.

"Katniss!" I hear the voice again. Prim. She's shoving something into my throat. I'm still screaming. I can't stop. I can still see Gale's dead eyes looking straight at me. I can see him lifeless. Then, like dust in the air, the wind blew the images away from my vision. Then I see sunlight in my eyes.

"She's alright now, Prim. Leave her alone" It was Aunt Vera's voice.

"Katniss," she cried. "Can you see me?" her eyes are swelling.

"I had a nightmare, not the usual one, worse." I catch my breath, my voice rough from screaming. I can feel the tears dropping to my cheeks. Prim embraced me.

"Just stay here. Don't go hunting. I'll ask Peeta to bring me home from school, so don't worry about me" she says reassuringly. "Okay?"

I nod weakly.

It was noon when I decided to get up. I want downstairs. I hear the roaring crap of a television we have. I hear Caesar Flickerman's voice on the TV. He was making a commentary about this year's tributes. I won't even dare to look at that hell crap so I may as well stay in bed.

"Katniss?" it was almost sundown when I hear Prim's voice. "I'm home" she says, then reminding me not to worry about her. "Peeta's here, he wanted to see you."

"Hi" he walks in. "I'm sorry I didn't come yesterday." Oh yeah, he was supposed to tell me something but I'm not myself to listen to what he was about to tell me.

"They're showing the opening ceremony. I bet Gale is going to look stunning" says Prim, clearly trying to cheer me up. Whatever state he is in the Games, stunning or not, it will not change the fact that he is going to kill people and going to get hurt trying to win in the Games."

"No, I don't want to see him" I mutter. I don't really see the point in watching that dreaded Games.

"Okay," Prim leaves with Peeta.

The last thing I want to see is Gale making a fool of himself in that idiot box. Then imagine him getting into that slaughterhouse they call arena. I pledge to myself, from now on, I'll never watch that Hunger Games.

"Let's leave her" Prim says as she escorts Peeta out of my room. "It's first time she ever had a nightmare that made her scream" Prim whispers but enough for me to hear

•

•

• • •

**RATE ME:**

**(Anonymous Reviews are Always Accepted)**

**1 – I totally love it. Keep it up. I'll buy your books in the future.**

**2 – The plot is great but needs a little improvement on grammar.**

**3 – Good story, you just have awkward sentences that I can't understand**

**4 – The story is just too impossible to happen / do you know English?**

**5 – THROW THAT TRASH OUT OF FANFIC!**

• • •

**Don't be afraid, I don't bite :)**

• • •

**As to the reply to my First four reviewers, Yes, English is not my native language. I don't know too many difficult words but I'm still trying to develop as a writer (although I may not get to use it in the future but writing lets me express myself). I don't read too much books either, I only read the romance and just stayed there. Thank you a lot**

**Thank you so much for your consideration!**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

• •


	6. Chapter 5

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Five •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

Prim is petting Buttercup on the couch while I'm standing at the counter, waiting for a customer to walk into the shop. It's been a very long day I can count with my fingers the people entering and exiting the shop to buy medicines. But I don't mind at all. Maybe this afternoon I could return to the woods to hunt. The nightmare two days ago, I managed to get over it. Yet new nightmares are infiltrating my slumber. I keep seeing my parents running away to the woods then gunshots but I still see them breathing. They were exhausted and frightened. I've dreamt these images before but a very long time ago. I don't know why they're coming back. But one thing I am sure of, none of those dreams shows any clue that my parents died. They were always struggling to live. My resentment for these nightmares is extreme, but I didn't thrash around or anything because I wasn't seeing flesh just blood in my parent's dreams. They were both still breathing. There's hope for their survival. Not in the one where Gale was beheaded. No one thing compares to that nightmare. It's much worse than a nightmare actually. I've never seen so much blood in my dreams. Only that of where the faces show constant emotion of being frightened.

I run away from blood whenever there's a patient in the shop that needs to cut though the flesh. But if the time comes, I'll fight the resentment of blood and do what is necessary. Blood reminds me of Gale and the dreadful Hunger Games.

I hear the bell rang from the door. The chime is placed by my father to catch our attention whenever anyone comes in or out. This is also the same chime that Gale would usually trigger at the first signs of dawn to ask me hunting.

Walking at my direction is a blond-haired, not a dark-haired grey-eyed I am used to seeing walk in that door. Peeta and not Gale. The blond-haired Peeta Mellark, what could he possibly want?

"Hi" he smiled a bright one.

"What do you want?" I scowled. Oh, Delly asked me not to hurt this boy's feelings, so I'd rather be careful what I say to him. Still, I can't give him my trust. He's still a stranger for me.

"No, I don't want anything" he pulled out a plastic of apples. "Found an apple tree in the woods," he pulled up another one. "And strawberries" he placed them on the counter to show me. "Are you feeling any better?" he smiled again. A genuinely sweet smile with the right touch of shyness. My heart thumped loudly for one second.

I cleared my throat falsely. "Uhm . . . if I were you, I'd rather sell these strawberries" I managed to speak out. For sure, he spent a lot of time looking for these strawberries. It's not a common fruit in the woods.

"I don't intend on selling them. I want you to have them." His tone is half-pleading. "Don't you like it?"

I took one in my mouth. As soon as I finished chewing, I say "Mayor Undersee has his particular fondness for them. You know, meat is not the only thing you can sell from the woods"

"So you're saying that you don't like strawberries?" he pursed his lips.

"No, I like them but—"

"Katniss, you can go to the woods to get more strawberries to sell and for us to eat. You should go hunting. I'd like you to do that. Go back to yourself. I'm not used to this. You're being at home these past few days since the Reaping" Prim said a lot but this only means one thing to me. Go hunting with Peeta.

"But I—"

"Don't go hunting with anyone but Gale?" Prim finishes my sentence. It was the exact words that I wanted to say but when I hesitated, she reads my mind and says what I want to say. "He's a good guy. Since both of your hunting partners are on television, the best you can do is look out for each other" she has a point there.

Peeta just looks at me, waiting for a response, the innocence on his face almost seem unbearable.

"Okay" I agreed, not knowing if it's pity or my longing for the woods that made me go hunting with him.

I bring the game bag with me and my bow with 15 arrows. Usually I'd only bring ten and get the game bag full. I think the five is for protection, in case this boy would try anything unpleasant. I don't know why I find it hard for me to give my trust to him. I know I gave my utmost sincerity to keep my promise. Protect Peeta. So here I question my sincerity. Going beyond the fence is dangerous already. Hunting covers more or less than 12 laws in District 12 and is punishable by death. How can I call this protection? Am I not true to my word? He and I might die if we are not careful enough. I can't protect him here.

Peeta carries with him a spear that is at the length of his height. I'm surprised it has not yet corroded if he's been hinting for years.

"Where'd you get that?" I ask curiously as I walk over to him.

He handed me the metal. It's heavy. I could tell the weapon is not really intended for hunting. I think it's for duels and bloodshed. I smear the thought out of my head, because of the image of Gale flooding my memory. "A have a friend at town. His father's a smith. He gave me this and suggested I go hunting so my family won't starve. A good friend. Mitty Smythenson, he taught me how to hunt."

"Does he make swords too?" I don't even know why I asked him that.

"And crossbows. Secretly of course. If the peacekeepers knew, the only metal they can touch are chains," he jokes. I smiled in the corner of my lips.

We carried on to find strawberries and after hours of hunting, I caught 5 rabbits and 2 squirrels. Peeta, on the other hand, caught one dog and five squirrels. It surprised me how good he is at being stealthy. He does a good job at hinting without using snares. Although if he asks, I won't hesitate to teach him, but it makes me wonder why he doesn't catch rabbits. I've seen it pass his way and he didn't even try to spear the thing. Rabbits are actually a better prey than the fast-paced squirrels. Peeta's gentle stealth is exactly the skill that is requires to catch rabbits.

"Peeta, why don't you try rabbits? They're easier to catch than squirrels."

He shakes his head. "I don't like rabbits."

"Why?" the curiosity kills me.

"I have this memory of rabbits. When I was a kid, I was given a rabbit as a pet. White, fluffy and harmless. Or so I thought. The thing bit me at my fingertips, and it didn't stop bleeding for days. Since then, I don't want to hold any rabbit no matter how cuddly they might look." This is just hilarious. He could easily kill a dog just by throwing a metal stick and can't kill or even hold a little creature.

I let out an audible laugh. "That's hilarious, you're not a kid anymore." I can feel my stomach ache from the laughter. He's just standing there, watching me and smiling sheepishly. "Wittle Peeta awraid of a wittle cuddly cotton" I mocked.

"As embarrassing as it is, yes, I am afraid of rabbits." I can see him blush. "Miss Fearless Everdeen, can we go home now?" I can sense his pissed off mood. But I'm still laughing.

He grabbed my wrist and carried my game bag for me. This gesture startles me. I just stop. I want to get loose from his grip but he made me realize that I don't want to. Maybe I'm afraid to hurt him further. "Uhm . . . sorry, did I anger you?"

"No, we just need to go home now" he said in a blank expression. I need to say something. Something to make us even. A joke wouldn't do, it might upset him even more. Maybe tell the things that I'm afraid of. Right now I'm very shameful of what I just said. Then I hear Delly's voice in my head. _"I don't want him harmed in any way possible"_ And just about a minute ago, I harmed his ego. It didn't come to me that even I have something to fear. I feel embarrassed for being a laughing dunce. What do I say to make us even?

"I'm afraid of blood too, Peeta" I notice that he's still holding his grip on me. Don't dare to shove him away, you don't want to harm his gentle esteem. I tell myself. "Not the ones in animals. Human Blood. I don't know, they don't look different, but human blood and animal blood are just so different, you know what I mean right?"

"Mm" he nods.

"The second one that I'm afraid of is losing the ones I love. Just three days ago I almost lost Prim and as of right now, I may permanently lose Gale" lose Gale, it echoed in my brain. "The nightmare—"

"You saw Gale's blood?" I wince at the stabbing image.

He ungrasps his hand from my wrist then outs his arms on my shoulder. I didn't pull away, the thought did not cross my mind. He must've seen me wince. "Let's laugh about rabbits now" he smiled at me, I try to pull myself together and managed a smile.

"Another that I'm afraid of, is owing people. Not afraid like running and screaming but more like being cautious," everything is silent. I could hear a pin drop besides the low breathing of two people. "I'm afraid that I can't pay them back that's enough of what I owe them. That I'll be forever entitled to this debt and still not enough."

"We're here" I didn't notice until he speaks of it. He tosses the meat inside the fence first then himself. He held put his hand to help me through, which I did not refuse. He grabbed the meat and carried on his right shoulder and the spear in the hand and the other clutches my wrist.

I think we're even now, I should tell him he can't touch me. I don't plan on going soft. I've told him my secrets that I shouldn't have. I think it's enough to repay my being dunce earlier.

"One thing about me . . ." he stops and stares, looking at me expectantly. "I'm not used to people touching me"

I can see the panic in his face, he immediately unclasps hi hold of my wrist, "Sorry, I didn't know. You didn't say anything until now"

"It's alright" I grabbed my game bag from his right shoulder.

•

•

• • •

_**Hate**_** it?**

_**Love**_** it?**

**Let me know.**

• • •

**This Fanfiction is open for suggestions on how you want the story to flow and comments. I can change the story based on what you think about it. So feel free to message me or review :)**

• • • • •

••

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

••


	7. Chapter 6

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Six •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

He robbed my secrets right out of my mouth. I can't forgive him. He's being too close. The promise I gave to Delly was to take care of him, how can I do that if I'm not used to new people. Trust is something I just don't give away. I kind of hate it. I know I owe Delly Cartwright her life. The only thing she wants from me is to protect this boy. Peeta. Isn't he capable of doing that for himself? Then I remember what she said. "Refrain him from doing stupid things." Maybe he has the capability to be impulsive, or maybe he does things out of his line. I still don't know this boy, cautiousness could be of utmost importance. I gave Prim her milk at the counter of the shop. "Thank you," she takes a sip. "You're not going hunting?" she asked. I shook my head as a response.

"Gale's not here, so what's the point" I say bitterly.

"Did you have another nightmare?" her eyes looking at mine, anticipating.

"No" I looked down at the purring Buttercup at my feet. I wish she didn't see my lie. Then I hear the anthem on the television. They're televising the Hunger Games. Maybe they're going to show the interviews now that the training is probably over. But which way, I don't prefer watching the games.

"I'm going to the butcher's" I walked out immediately before the program on the television starts. I carefully, walked away, trying not to kick Prim's tomcat. I didn't see the opening ceremonies, I didn't see the training scores and I don't want to see the interviews. I may not be fully aware of the consequences that await me by not watching the games, but honestly, I'd accept any kind of punishment that the Peacekeepers will do to me than to watch him. I know I am violating some Capitol laws by not watching the games. I am not scared of them.

Tomorrow I'll see more blood, the fear that Gale might own a pint of what smothers the grounds of the Arena. Or Delly. The start of the Hunger Games is tomorrow. What good am I really? I don't even want to witness my friend on T.V. but I don't see the idea. I'll watch him beg for his life, see him suffer and watch the life drain out from his dead corpse. I don't plan witnessing all that. All the better if he wins, but that's the very least that could happen. I am not prepared to see the opposite of that. One other thing I am not prepared for is the chance that he might turn into an ultimate killing monster that the games make of some tributes. I have little faith that he'll be a composed and patient Gale that I know of. I hope he will not treat other tributes as preys in the woods. They're still people that barely have faults to deserve death.

The Hob is deserted. Probably at the City Circle watching the interviews. Am I really violating any law if I refuse to watch the Hunger Games? 'Cause I think I'm the only person in town that resent to see the dreadful pageant. I told Prim that I won't go to the woods but I went anyway. The woods, the place where I run to whenever I feel alone, but it will be lonelier going there today. There's no Gale Hawthorne to wait for me there. I will just playback all the memories that we have in the woods. I try to be cautious that I won't jerk a single teardrop.

I put up some snares and climbed up a tree. I think I won't shoot anything for today. I'll just depend on luck if a squirrel or a rabbit gets caught up in the snares. I keep my bow loaded in case an unwelcomed wild animal comes out of nowhere and flashes its blood thirsty teeth. Hours pass and I hear no crying rabbits. Out of boredom, I positioned my target at an apple. Maybe I'll just practice shooting. It can get my mind off things. I shot the red fruit in one release. Good. The apple is pinned into a tree adjacent to it. I think I no longer need to practice. And just for the sake of killing tediousness, I shoot another. Again, it flies to another tree.

"KATNISS!" I hear Peeta's voice. His voice sounds distressed. There was no doubting that he's in serious trouble. "KATNISS!"

I follow his voice, it's nearby and the voice isn't the only noise that I hear. I hear growling and snapping of teeth.

"Katniss!" I went to find the owner of the voice. I don't want to give any kind of response, I might attract the animal that was the cause of his whining. I remember this place as I draw nearer to the blond boy. I placed some of my snares here.

I hide in the bushes near the snare. I see now that Peeta is dangling with one foot caught up on a tree. Two wolves are trying to reach his head. Snap. Snap. The sound came from their teeth, then growling and barking, as if the two wolves are saying, _"For infiltrating our territory, you will be our meal." _The gray wolf almost reach the tip of his hair.

I position my loaded bow. After carefully locking on my target, I sent an arrow flying right through the gray wolf's eye. The other tried to make a run for it but I loaded the bow again and it darted on its neck. Good. More meat to sell.

"Thank you, Katniss" he tried to find me at the direction from which the arrow flew from. I stepped out of the bush.

"I don't know you make a good bait." I mocked him. "And I see my snares are so efficient that it can noose people too, not only rabbits" I can't hide the amusement at his condition. I walk closer to him. "Haha, my snares catch both rabbits and humans. Or in your case, a rabbit-like human."

"I'm getting dizzy, I feel like I'm going to throw up. Can you at least hand me my spear?" he pleaded.

I laughed. "No, I think I kinda like this. So you wouldn't go hunting alone without telling me. I thought we're hunting partners now."

"You were watching the Games, I didn't bother you," he breathed heavily, struggling for air. "Please get me down" I saw the same look when he was lying on our table at the shop. Tame and afraid.

I looked at the spear just below him, he must've dropped the weapon when he was startled at the rope on his ankle. I hate to see him pleading. I see now that those are the same eyes that my aunt almost killed. Somewhere in that pont in time, he wanted to die from the pain. At the corner of his eye, I see a bruise. A small circle of purplish skin.

"What happened there?" I ask.

"Where?" his face rearranged to a wondering expression.

"Here" I touched the discolored skin, he cringed at the pain. "Sorry" I can feel it's a deep blow.

"The tip of the spear hit me when I dropped it" he smiled, appearing to drain all the pain that was on his face earlier. "Don't worry. It's the other end, not the sharp one."

I took an arrow from my quiver and loaded my bow in my hand. "Stay still"

If I cut the rope with arrows, he'll land face first. I lowered my bow.

"Try to land on your back. Protect your head"

He curled up to try to soften his landing. I darted two arrows to cut the rope. I looked down and saw the spear. I didn't notice until now that the blade of the spear is positioned on his head. He didn't fall immediately because I missed the first try. The rope is just breaking. I caught his back and he landed on my chest then pulled him away from the spear. Stupid. I should have moved the spear instead of moving him. The spear is lighter compared to his weight. He moved immediately away from me. He panicked when he saw me unmoving. He leaned down to my sundrenched face. "Why did you do that?" his tone was anxious.

"You almost cut your head" that will be worse than the bruise on his eye. I'd rather be hurt than he is. He held my waist and helped me stand. "Your spear is right in your landing spot"

"Sorry," he placed my arm on his shoulder. "Is anything broken or hurt?"

I shake my head "No, I'm okay" I tore my body away from him. He grabs his spear, then headed home.

The preview of the games is over. I wonder what's happening to Gale and Delly. Peeta didn't head to the Hob to sell the two wolves. He wanted to make sure that I'm safe in my house before he dragged the two meats to the Hob. I appreciate it. But I didn't say anything I don't want him getting the wrong idea. I should be the one protecting him. Why do I end up being the one being protected? It's kind of odd for that boy to worry about me like this, knowing that he just formally met me 4 days ago. This is a bit too sudden. Sudden for me because he's already kind to me when I'm harsh to him most of the time. Most of the people I've been with, will just give up on me. He never gets bored when he's with me, and as surprising as it is, I am too.

•

•

• • •

_**Hate**_** it?**

_**Love**_** it?**

**Let me know.**

• • •

**I want to know how you like it so far. Is it too plain and boring? The real excitement starts next chapter, so just keep in touch. Until I'm done with the storyboard, feel free to fill my inbox for suggestions :)**

• • • • •

••

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

••


	8. Chapter 7

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Seven •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

"NO!" I scream to them in my twelve year-old voice. I see them being devoured by not only two but more than I can count with my fingers. It wasn't wolves, it wasn't gigantic bears but an animal that was not natural, a mutation. It was a mix of both bears and wolves with another alien ingredient in its genome, it's human. The faces of the Peacekeepers and the largest, the white one, is President Snow. It's not long until I hear no sounds from my parents and the white fur in the mutt becomes sticky with red blood. The others are finishing the last remains of what were my parents.

I was watching from afar, and then screaming and crying at what I just witnessed. But one mutt came running my way. Black hair, gray eyes. Gale. I ran for my life as I scream for my life, louder and aggressive. But no voice.

"KATNISS!"

I feel wounded in my shoulder. Pain, real pain. Did Gale bite me? But my flesh didn't hurt like an animal bite. It was more like a blade piercing through my body.

"KATNISS!"

Now I realize that Peeta wounded my shoulder to wake me. I woke up crying in his chest, his arms protectively comforting me. I'm still whimpering I can't stop. This is the second worst nightmare I had. I felt his lips kiss my forehead, just like my dad would if he were here.

"It's gone now." He's pressing the wound on my shoulder. To stop the bleeding but he doesn't know it was a light cut. It can stop bleeding after a minute.

I remember where I am now. I'm in the woods, hunting with Peeta. It was almost sundown and we started even before dawn's peek. I must be really exhausted to sleep that deep during a resting time.

"Let's go home?" he asked. I'm still in his protective arms, his warmth is very calming.

I shake my head on his chest. I need more time to calm down. I'm still petrified from what I saw. He kissed my forehead again. Only now that I realize I'm wearing his leather jacket around me.

"Thank you" I whispered.

"For what?"

"For waking me up." I sat up and released his embrace around me.

"You mean for hurting you" I sensed the disgust of what he did to me. "You should loathe me for hurting you" he looks at my shoulder as he stood up.

I don't know why he suddenly turned from a gentle Peeta into a harsh one. If he had a morphling in his hands, he would have used it. A pinch wouldn't work and a knife will do. Maybe he can't shake me awake so the feeling of pain would tell me I'm just having another nightmare. It's a good idea actually. Most of the people who use morphlings turn their skin yellow and weak. It can be bad if used excessively. The idea could help me a lot. It can serve as an alternative to the morphling. This is also a better alternative than the one I'm doing. I'm not sleeping, like I did yesterday. I'm drowning my stomach with coffee. I think that's the reason why I fell asleep in the woods.

We went to the weak spot of the fence, which was nearest to the Hob. He made the trade quick with the butcher, it was not a fair amount for a dog and 5 squirrels, if it was my catch, I wouldn't let him give the meat. "What's the hurry?" I say, "Greasy Sae can pay higher. Than this rip off"

" We need to get you to your sister" his expression is blank.

"Peeta, it wasn't that bad!" I snapped. "Don't have to me some crazy overprotective boy. It stopped bleeding, okay?" I walked out, carrying the meat I caught, I was headed for Greasy Sae's stand. Suddenly, my game bag dropped to the ground and my feet is no longer touching the floor. "Ahh!" Peeta was carrying me in his arms. "Let go!" I scowl. I don't want to punch him in the face he might drop me. I don't want that.

"Or what?" he mocked.

"I'll cut myself with this arrow" I figured out that he doesn't want me to get hurt so I threatened him. He might be soft enough to let go of me. I directed the pointy edge at my pulse. I don't want to hurt him. So I'd let myself be hurt than him. Gale can't even do this to me, how can he have that gut to lift me up like we're lovers. I want to hurt him deep within me but my promise to Delly, who's probably starving in the arena, struggling to stay alive or might be close to her death at this moment. Also, who knows how many times she's been close to her casket, several, I think.

"You're not going to do that" he dared.

I gestured the arrow to my pulse. I bet he'll let go not very soon now.

"Alright, alright" he placed my feet to the ground. He breathed heavily as I flash him my fuming face. Greasy Sae and Darius are laughing from behind us.

"If that boy was Gale, that would mean a punch in the face and probably a broken nose." Darius laughed.

I notice a box that Darius is leaning on. It says: For the Sponsorship of District 12 Tributes. I ignored Darius and Greasy Sae. I picked up my game bag and gave it to Greasy Sae. "Here's your fare, Katniss dear" I heard the old lady say to me. I dismissed her for a short while.

I wonder how Gale's doing in the arena. It's been days or more maybe since the start of the Hunger Games, I don't even know if he's wounded or how many bones he has broken. His alive though. If he wasn't, what's the sense of putting this box here? But then there's Delly, she might be the one they're doing this for. I cringed at the possibility of Gale's death. It hurts me to say but I have to ask about him. "How . . . is he?" I staggered out of my chest.

"You're not watching are you?" she asked. I shake my head limply.

"They're doing really good. They survived the battle at the Cornucopia, it's no surprise really. Delly and Gale are exceptional together. It's a huge advantage that they're both hunters. After a week and two days, they remain unscathed" hearing Darius uplift Gale and Delly is making me feel less anxious. He's amazing, based from what I heard from Darius.

"Here's your fare, Katniss"

"Thank you, just place it on the box for me" I said.

"What about Delly? Is she . . . okay?" Peeta asks.

"You two should watch the Games, District twelve may finally have a victor after 30 years." Darius cheered but with whatever they're saying. I will still not watch the Games. "Gale and Delly are a good team. Gale killed all the careers" my eyes widened.

"He what-?" I felt dizzy all of a sudden, like my knees lost its bones and become liquefied.

"He kill—"Darius tried to repeat but Peeta cuts him short.

"We need to go home now, thank you, Darius . . . and Greasy Sae" he grabs my wrist, as if trying to catch my balance. My feet are stuck in its current stationary position.

I don't even want to imagine him kill people. There was an incredible mix of shock, amazement and resentment all at the same stance. Gale has a tendency to be a wild hunter. From what I just heard today, he is treating other tributes like his prey in the woods, like low life creatures, squirrels and rabbits. But has he the right mind to think of those innocent children that he killed? Is he even aware that somewhere in the parts of Panem, families are grieving for their relative's death.

"_Gale killed all the Careers"_ it echoed in my head. The Gale I know of is gone. He turned into a monster that the Capitol has made the other mad men over the years in the Hunger Games. I think I'm worth resentment when I say: I don't want him to win. Darius doesn't omit the part where Gale has the leading count for most kills, which he says is his favorite part, yet the part I'd rather not hear. Maybe at some point in the Games, he went mad and killed everyone that he could see. Gale has a bad temper. It might be the reason he'd gone berserk and killed people. But somehow, I doubt it. There's the chance that he did it to win the Games. I can't help to think that it's partly my fault that he killed all those tributes. I made him desperate. I said a phrase that I'm not even sure if it's true. I kissed him, meaning I'm giving him hope. Somewhat making him crave for blood, for him to able to return home to me, expecting with all desperation, that I'll welcome him with proud arms spread wide when he encounters his hero's welcome in District 12. When he comes back, what face will he show me? Can I even stomach to face him, knowing I'll only see the bloodlust in his eyes? His face that killed most of the tributes, made families mourn for the loss of their beloved, faultless child. Yes District 12 might see him as a hero if ever he succeeds as a victor. But I'm sure I will not.

•

•

• • •

**Review Please :)**

**Thank you for your consideration.**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

• •


	9. Chapter 8

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Eight •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

I don't want to sleep. I'd resent sleeping. For the last few days since Darius told me about Gale's stance in the Games, since nightmares visits me each night. I told Prim to sleep with Aunt Vera so I won't freak her out every night I'd wake up screaming. I sleep with a knife in my hand. Not because I'm afraid of a murderer, thief or a rapist crawling in my bed but I'd wake up screaming and cutting the skin in my upper arm. This has been my wake up call to myself, reminding that I am no longer within the bad dream. My nightmares are worse than the ones before, and I'd refuse to intake the morphling.

I indulge myself to my caffeine. As much as I can, but trying not to drink excessively the thing. I'd drink another cup after a few hours of staying awake.

I don't want to scare Prim. I said she cannot, by any chance, get up and go to my room when she hears me screaming. I also said she can't give me morphlings. She agrees enthusiastically, not knowing the other method I'm using to calm myself down. I wear shirts with sleeves so she wouldn't see the cuts. I don't want her to worry about me, these ones that I cut are much deeper than the first one that Peeta did. I wanted to thank him for this alternative. I don't want to use the morphling for my aid, but he hasn't come by until that day I had a nightmare in the woods. I'm not hunting since that day either. I haven't seen him or even his shadow. I'm, beginning to wonder why. I'm sure, it's not about wounding me.

It's 11 o'clock, very late. Almost all the town lights are shut. I think I'm the only person awake at this hour. I didn't dare go upstairs to our room. I sleep at the couch ever since the nightmares got worse. It'll be harder for them to hear my screams from this part of the house. I kept the lights open but the windows closed. I read some books, the ones that seems to be a hundred years old and was read only by my father and mother, maybe our grandparents but not me, not Prim. Not Aunt Vera and Aunt Aloe.

I have nothing better to do so I opened up that dusty hardbound books. It turns out it's a collection of herbs and fruits. Each with their healing effects, how to use them as well as the places they can be found. I turn page by page. This has been handed through generations and generations of Everdeens. It's just too bad I don't have a brother to pass it on to his disappointed and didn't have the chance to teach these wonders. I wonder who drew them. The pictures have very clean strokes and neat coloring. I never have the skill at drawing, only archery and hunting.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm even an Everdeen. Prim has the skills and blondness of our mother, around them, I seem like an alien. I dismissed the thought immediately, my father has dark-haired, and I'm just not good at remembering combinations of serums, and I run whenever someone's hurt. I'm afraid of flesh. I placed the book aside. Maybe it's important to know then just in case I'll need those.

My eyes are tired. I look at the clock, two o'clock, there're recaps of the Hunger Games I didn't dare turn on the idiot box. I fix myself a third cup of coffee so I'd stay awake, just at least until four in the morning. I decided I miss hunting. I don't know Peeta's house. And I don't know if he'll come at the shop that early. I guess I'm hunting alone this dawn.

I hear a knock on the door. Who might that be?

I grabbed a knife that I set aside when I found the book. Just in case it's some lunatic knocking at this late hour, this way, I'll be prepared. I peek at the window. Oh, I think, the blond boy from the Seam, Peeta.

"What do you want? It's way past midnight." I say.

"Whoa, whoa" he staggered upon seeing the knife in my hand.

"Let me take that from you" he took the knife and placed it on the operating table. He seems to be a little squeamish about the knife.

"Why are you here? I haven't seen you for days. What have you been doing?" It's a lot of questions for a few days of being out of my sight. Even the thought that he had died crossed my mind but it faded when I realize the big boulders on his arms. He's too tough to die.

"I've been reorganizing the bakery" he said as he smiles shyly. "I'm checking out if the equipment is working. I'm planning to reopen the bakery and move to our old home." Oh I missed that smile. He looks at my face. I hope he doesn't see the black circles under my eyes. "Why aren't you sleeping? I saw the lights were opened, so I was hoping it was Prim or your Aunt will answer the door."

"I just can't sleep, that's all"

He looks behind me curiously. "How can you sleep? You're drinking coffee" he points at the half-full cup. "You have an knife ready in your hand when you answered the door immediately." He's right of he heard the knock, I'll go to the kitchen first the answer the door and it's a long way from the kitchen to the door. "Katniss, what are you been up to?" he asked, his brows clenched together, suspicious.

"Peeta, it's very late, your parents might be worried of you. Go home" the command was obvious in my tone.

"You're not sleeping, are you?" he asks, looking at my weary eyes. I turned away so he wouldn't see that he was right.

"I have been sleeping, Peeta. Why do you care anyway?" I pretend to arrange something in the counter as an excuse to turn away from him. Gladly, I was able to stop him from interrogating me any further.

To my surprise, he grabs my shoulder without warning and his eyes were staring straight into my shocked ones. "You're such a bad liar, you know. I'm not that stupid to figure out what you've been doing, Katniss" his eyes are unexpectedly wary. I shrugged at the sight. "You're cutting yourself to wake up from a bad nightmare. And now, maybe you have a really bad one and would rather stay awake than to sleep because you're_ too_ afraid" he's making perfect sense, I looked away from his gaze "You're afraid the nightmare would come back" his voice was very low.

With this comment of his, I felt a sharp edge insecurity and lack of privacy, but I tried to hold my rage as long as I can still hold my temper.

He pulls up the sleeve of my shoulder where he cut me. Peeta probably felt a strong repulsion against the deep flesh cuts on my shoulder. "Why do you keep hurting yourself?" he shrieked. I'm not used to being domineered by anybody. Especially those who don't have the privilege. I mean I just met him recently. Why is he being overprotective? And this is my own skin, my own flesh I'm hurting, not anyone else's. The consequences of my actions will affect me, and me alone.

I shoved him back, making him lose his balance and lean back on a cabinet of vials. The clink of the glass bottles momentarily overcomes the silence. Then the sound stops. No glass shatters.

"You don't have the right to question me of what I do to myself." I exclaim, obviously losing the control of my temper. "I know what I'm doing"

He stands up to his feet. "That's the problem with you. You're too introverted. You don't let anyone help you with anything unless they have your trust" he made a sound that was almost a laugh but sounded more likely to be a scoff. "And that trust takes years to earn."

"So this is what it's all about," I closed my distance to him, very close to fueling up a brawl. He steps back, retorting. I don't know how enraged I look, but this must've been enough to make a big-bouldered boy to step back in fright It doesn't make me shocked at his frailty, this big-bouldered boy is afraid of little rabbits after all. "You want me . . . to trust you?" I say my voice rough and stiff.

"Yes" he answered eagerly, not even thinking about it. Maybe he wants something from me that's why he was showing me that he was protecting me. That way, he can earn my trust easily , thus making it a piece of cake to penetrate my emotional defenses as he effortlessly carries out his hidden agenda. That's it, he was planning something sinister so he want me to trust him. Although, I don't have an idea about his plans, but me? Trust him? No. That's not going to happen.

I look at his eyes with mine more furious. He was pinned with my gawk. "I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP AND I DON'T HAVE TO TRUST YOU!" I screamed at him, punched his shoulder with my cast-iron fist in full force, at my incontrollable anger.

The wooden cabinet wobbles back and forth, the glass bottles clinking louder. The vials are protected by another glass sheathe, nothing falls to the ground from the glass sheathe but three bottles at the topmost of the cabinet, the bigger unprotected ones fall down. I hear breaking glass, two hits the ground in unison, breaking into tinier glass shreds, touching my skin, which luckily doesn't cut through my flesh.

Upon realizing what happened, Peeta is clasping me, protecting me in his arms but he falls forward, making us both drop.

"Peeta?" there was no response.

I held his ace to me. He's unconscious. My fingers touched a liquid substance. The smells of blood and white liquor fumed the insides of my senses. I wrinkled my nose at the repulsing niff. I held out my fingers for a better look. Peeta's blood dripping off my fingers.

_What have I done?_

•

•

• • •

_**Hate**_** it?**

_**Love**_** it?**

**Let me know.**

• • •

**This Fan Fiction is open for suggestions on how you want the story to flow and for comments. I can change the story based on what you think about it. So feel free to message me or review :)**

• • • • •

••

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

••


	10. Chapter 9

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Nine •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

That's the spot where his brain should be. The spot where the glass bottle dropped. It was the only one that hit his head but at that spot, anyone would be unconscious immediately. In this case, a glass him, apart from the blow, he has cuts on his head.

I pulled out the two glass shreds that pierced through him. His eyebrow seems to twitch as I did. I felt the gush of unmistakable guilt in my chest, a sharp trudge at the place where my heart should be. He protected me, but without denial, I did this awful thing to him. I've encountered the worse blows in the head, sometimes those who suffer from this accidents, loses their memory, have inability to speak or perform the simplest task. I wish I could turn back the time where I didn't punch him. I wish I am not that stupid to do this to him. I hate myself.

Fortunate enough, the cabinet didn't fall forward. But this is not fortunate in his state. I wish he's not going to suffer the worst effects of what I've done. Otherwise, I won't be able to forgive myself. He has a family to feed. A father to take care of. I'd be no different from a murderer if he will not be capable of his responsibilities to his family. I will be reliable to tale the fault for what will happen if he suffers from brain damage. I don't want that.

With the most gentle hands I can offer, I carefully move him to the 'operating table', as Aunt Vera calls it. I carefully turned him on his back, lying face down. I took the knife and cut Peeta's shirt. The fabric was already emitting an intoxicating and unpleasing fumes. The blood and white liquor was starting to dry, so it needs to be taken off. I'll just replace his shirt. My dad must be roughly the same size as his torso.

I place the pillow below his head to make him comfortable. His blond hair is sticky because of the dry blood. I cleaned his hair with a wet cloth then I cleaned his wounds. It was a bit relieving that the wounds stopped bleeding. But how long will it take until he's unconscious again.

I sat beside the table, eagerly waiting for him to wake up and checking his pulse every five minutes. Some will say this is overreacting, but I will ignore those just be cautious. His breathing and heart rate is normal, but I don't want to be so contented, until he's wide awake. There might be internal complications, but I wish he has none.

When I opened my eyes, I see the sun almost reached the peak of its highest. I didn't know I felt asleep. There was something different today, I just can't quite figure it out. My head was rested on Peeta's chest, his one arm sound my shoulder and one of his hands was fastened with mine. My I sat straight up, making his arm fall behind me. I didn't unclasp his fingers yet. The last time I saw him, he was lying face down. Maybe he saw me asleep beside him and . . . this. I stare at my hand. Why would he hold it like this? Maybe he felt the pain of his wounds and the wanted some sort of help. But knowing I don't have much sleep, he didn't wake me up.

I look at him. His head turned sideways. He's very gentle when he sleeps, very different from his angry expression last time I saw him conscious last night of our fight. I took a few strands of his loose hair away from his face. It's too bad I didn't see him awake, I would have said 'I'm sorry' already. I should prepare breakfast for him so he can eat when he makes up. I stood up but his clasp on my hand became tighter. Is he awake all this time?

"Stay" his voice weak and gruff,

"You're awake?" it formed a curve in the corner of my lips. At least he's conscious and I can be sure that he has not one have damage in his brain since he can move and speak.

He opened his eyes. "You just woke up?" he looks at me with his tired, weary eyes.

I nod in response.

"No nightmares?"

Now that he mentioned it, he was right, yes. I had neither a dream nor a nightmare. So that what feels different.

I shake my head. "I'll go make breakfast"

"No need" I hear Prim from behind us. I look at her and a tray of hot tea and break. Where did that bread came from?

She sets the tray on the counter near the operating table.

I help Peeta up, trying not to look at his bare chest.

"Peeta I'm sorry" I look sincerely at his deep blue eyes.

"Forgiven" he smiled. Just. Like. That. No more arguments and no more discussion, I'm forgiven. Just. Like. That. But I deserve the worst punishment. I should be preventing him from any kind of hurt but now, I'm the one who caused him to be in this stance, he was hurt because of my impulsiveness.

"Uhm . . . aren't you going to be angry? Hit me, punch me or something?" I say.

He smiles weakly and shakes his head limply.

"Not even pinch me?" I say again, another enormous gush of guilt on my chest. "I'm worth hating Peeta."

"I can never hate you" he stood up and broke out gaze.

"Prim, can you find something for Peeta in dad's closet, please" I say.

She instantly goes upstairs.

"I ripped off your shirt cause its reeking of blood and alcohol. I can't take it off through your head" I explained even if there's no explanation demanded. I thought he has to know.

He nods slowly, like it didn't matter at all.

"Does it still hurt?" I ask.

"I'd say no, but I'll be lying" he pulls up a chair and took a sip of the tea.

"Sugar?" I offer.

"I don't like sugar in my tea" he admits.

I stare at him. His face wincing at the pain. "How much does it hurt?"

"It's like my brain is throbbing," he whispered, my guilt came back and I feel like I am too, is suffering from the same pain that he is. "But you know, a kiss has good healing effects." He jokes, which makes me smile.

I reach for his forehead and kissed it. "Better?" he's probably through his crucial state if he can joke like this.

"Nope, I was thinking over here" he points his finger on his lip.

"Don't push your luck, I have a knife here." Of course, I won't hurt him, it was just a bluff.

"I was kidding" he said.

"And so am I"

I hear Prim laughing behind us. "That's cute, Peeta should get injured more often" she giggled playfully. "Here's the shirt" she hands him the neatly folded clothe.

"Prim, where are these from?" I show her a piece of bread.

"It's from a man I treated yesterday, he doesn't have money with him so he gave me two loaves from his wagon. I think it's from the bakery across town."

"It's close to being stale" Peeta says.

Prim and I look at him. "You miss the bakery don't you?" Prim asks.

"Not a day that I don't" he placed his unfinished piece on the teacup. "That's why I am planning to reopen the bakery, it'll be tough but I know I can do it" He smiles and finishes the piece.

"You can't do it alone. I can help you" I say. "I have money I earned from selling meat. I don't really have plans for that money. When Gale was still here, I give him half of what I earn and keep the other."

"Thank you for your offer but I think I can manage with my brothers"

"I insist" I glowered at him.

He shakes his head. "No"

"Please, I have to apologize to you somehow" I say.

"No, Katniss" he said strongly.

"If I kiss you now, would you let me?"

I watch his expression as both of his eyebrows raised in wonder. He smiled as he looked down, his cheeks almost showing some hues of red.

Prim laughed. "She's not going to kiss you, Peeta, I doubt she will" Prim laughs. "Just accept it, you could use another hand. And she won't stop until you let her help you."

"My father's medication is enough help" he took another sip.

There was ring on the bell on the door. "I'll go see it" Prim stood up and headed for the door.

"You're a stubborn boy are you?" it was almost a scowl. "If you just let me help you!"

"Are we fighting again?" he stood up and put on my father's shirt, careful not to touch his wounds at the back of his head. "I can handle it. And didn't I already tell you that you're forgiven? You don't have to do that" he turned his back on me, heading for the door.

I stood up and followed him, I blocked his way and placed my hand on his shoulder as I tiptoed and kissed him, soft and gentle on his lips. I felt his hand on my cheek, pulling me closer to him, his lips moves gently as mine did.

I was right, this is what he wants.

He drops his hand to my waist as we came apart. My face was inches from his. I stare at his deep blue eyes. "Let me help you"

He nods, like he was in some sort of trance.

•

•

• • •

**I'm sorry if I can't update in chapters, my first semester started, I am just adjusting to my new college life so good luck to me. I can only update one chapter each weekend. Thanks for reading this anyway!**

**Thank you for your consideration.**

**I need your lovely reviews Please :)**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

• •


	11. Chapter 10

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Ten •**

• •

_**[Peeta Mellark]**_

•

Katniss is kissing me. Katniss Everdeen! I didn't she'll do it but she did. Sparks flew in my eyes, as I realize that her lips are touching mine. I don't think this is even happening. I began to doubt that I'm awake, and if I really am in a dream, I wish to stay in this stance forever. I don't know if it's my head being hit so bad, that I've gone insane with hallucinations as lucid as this one, but as I said, I have no intention I leaving. If I am zany, so be it. I placed my hand on her cheek, pulling her closer to me. This is not real, I say in my clouded mind. Maybe I hit my head too hard, causing me to doubt what is real or not real. My thoughts are confusing me that to believe. I moved my lips as she did. It's too wonderful to be anything close to real. She pulled away finally. I placed my hand on her waist.

"Let me help you" she says.

I didn't have the chance to collect my mind into a full recovery when I nod my head limply, ignoring the throbbing pain at the back of my head.

This is Real, I convinced myself. I'm not a hallucinating lunatic.

• • •

"Peeta!" I hear my brother, Brann, call me. I snapped out of the thought of Katniss the other day. My mind proceeds to the work that I have to do before I got indulged into my foolish daze.

"I cleaned the pantry and kitchen but it needs repainting" I say to him.

"Drop what you're doing, you have a visitor!" Brann yelled to where I am, I instantly wondered who it is. I walked to the front door and saw her. Braided dark hair and fair olive skin. Katniss. I forgot how to breathe at the exact moment I gaze on her since the kiss that other day.

"Uh . . . hi" I muttered, trying to compose myself. I smell like my own sweat and the dust seems to all to the sticky feeling. I wish I took a bath first, that way, I wouldn't reek of my natural niff. I stood in front of her, baffled. I'm as presentable as a frog. She's the least likely person to visit me. I wiped my dripping sweat off my face with the dirty sleeves if my shirt. "This is Brann" I pointed to my eldest brother. "That one over there, is Ry, my other older brother."

"I win this time!" Milkah grabs my leg and pulls it.

"And this is Milkah, Brann's daughter" I say.

Milkah looks at her in absolute wonder. "Who is she? Your girlfriend?" she says in a little girl's teasing rhythm. I can't help but to be shamed at what she thought.

"No, she's a . . ." I'd say friend but that would make her scowl. " . . . an acquaintance from the Apothecary shop."" I picked up Milkah in my arms.

"I want to play wrestling, Uncle Peeta" she says innocently.

"Sorry, your uncle's busy. But don't worry, after we finish we'll play with you right away." I tickled her belly, which makes her giggle playfully.

"Okay" she says then I placed her on the ground. She runs to the backyard.

"Cute kid" Katniss says. "That's what you chose to teach your niece, wrestling?" she jokes.

"She needs to know something about fights" I say in defiance.

"If ever she'll be Reaped in the future?" she whispers bitterly.

"No, that's six years from now" I need to make the conversation lighter. So thought of a way to lighten up the mood somehow. "Tea?" was all I can manage. Not much of lightening the mood but it could help somehow.

"Peeta," my name sweet in her utterance. "I didn't come here for tea" she says, not scowling but smiling. "Where can I help?"

"We're almost finish with everything we're supposed to do today. We're saving the rest for tomorrow." I say. "You could sweep the floor if you want?"

She grabs the broom from my hand and collect what dust that is left on the floor. " What else?" she finishes quickly.

"That's all" I say, smirking at her impatient expression.

"Here" she handed a pouch to me. I took it in curiosity of its content. As soon as the pouch touches my hand, I hear a small sound of clinking metal. It's money.

"No," I tried to return it but she shakes her head.

"Keep it. I told you I will help you and you agreed" her gaze intent.

I have no choice but to agree. True enough, I know that the money that my brothers and I have is not enouh to fully restore our bakery. A lot of blood and sweat needs to be poured on the ground to get this place running as it is before we fell into bankruptcy. All I can say is "Thank you" and I smiled sheepishly.

"Uncle" Milkah was pulling my shirt from my rear. "Grandpa's here"

"What?" I say shocked. He's still weak, a lot more medication is needed until he can recover fully. He can barely walk, how could he even be transported from the Seam to town?

Then I see him nearing me, with a struggling limp smile on his lips, the weary lines showing as he did. "My boy" he says, I hurried to him. I took his arm on my shoulder as I could steady his balance, which the small wooden cane on his hand cannot provide him.

"I told you not to come" My eyebrows met at a scrunched line on my forehead. "You can't even walk steadily."

"I've been missing my boys, I wish I could help with little things" he says with only the half of his lips moving. He can't move half of his face and body, because of the stroke that killed a portion of his body and almost killing our whole family of starvation.

"You can help by just staying home" I say leading him on the couch. He sets aside his wooden cane with his right hand, the perfectly working one.

"Son, I am home" he struggles for another smile.

I notice Katniss looking at us, smiling as she stares. "Oh, dad, this is Katniss Everdeen, from the Apothecary Shop across the block."

"Good afternoon, Mr. Mellark," she says as politely as she can manage.

My father looks at her for a long gawk. I don't know what runs in his mind as he stares at her. Katniss seemed uneasy because she was avoiding his gaze. Dad stands up with the cane on his hand and limped to her direction. I help him. They locked gaze for a second then he spoke, "Just like your mother" he whispers, then hugs her, almost falling but I luckily caught him.

He's right she's beautiful like her mother.

"Marry my son" he softly says.

Katniss' face flushed red. I staggered and immediately pulled them apart gently.

My father told me the story of how he used to court Katniss' mother. He wanted to marry her be the father of her children and, if they lived successful enough, grow old in each other's embrace. But it didn't happen like he wanted it to be. He has to be married to a healer's son, being a daughter of a doctor. It was expected, yet my father wants to defy it. Apparently, he didn't succeed, she decided to do what is right and he agrees in respect. He eventually marries my mother, a girl who liked him since they were children. It also didn't turn out like he wanted it to be, she became frustrated that she hits us. Why? Because we're not girls, in which she always wanted to dress in pretty clothes.

"Stop scaring Katniss. She has no intentions of marrying, or what-so-ever" I say as I lead him to the soft seat.

"I don't mind really." She says bashfully. She looks like a rabbit right now. A very innocent and cuddly creature as it appears but can be very lethal. She can look adorable yet I fear her.

Katniss sits on the couch where my father is. Dad is just looking at her. I need to make some move. I have to say something. My father's making her uneasy. "There's a lot of work upstairs Dad. I think it's better if we get started on that" I say, "Excuse us, Dad?" I looked at Katniss as we both stood up. "I'll call Milkah, she wanted to play with me but I was too . . . busy"

"Nice meeting you, sir" she says and grabs my wrist, eager to get away from my father. I can't blame her, if I was in the same awkward position, I'd run as fast as I can. I can't imagine anyone that says those kind of words to me. That would make me rally uneasy. Although I didn't mind, my father had been really cheerful and warm before he fell ill. Maybe it was just a joke that got out of hand.

"So what do we do?" she says.

The wooden floorboard creaks under our feet. The dust covered air filled our noses. I sneezed at what entered mine. Katniss laughs.

"Come on, rabbit boy" she says as she pats my shoulder. I shuddered at the touch.

"Okay" I say as I walked to my parent's room. "This is the biggest room, so I think it's better if we start here."

"What's to clean? There's nothing here." She says, looking at the empty room.

"We'll just scrub the walls and wax the floor" I say. I'll go get some water, rugs and wax"

"Don't leave me!" he trails behind me. She must've been afraid to stay since this house belongs to the first Mellarks after recovering from the Dark Days. We sold this thing for a while but eventually got it from the most powerful person in District 12, Mayor Undersee. Good thing that we know Madge, she was able to convince his father to lend us the money I we didn't stay here and give him the title of the house, although he never used it. And why? Because this house has some historical significance to District 12. The first victor of the Hunger Games is a baker and lived here, who also possess the name Mellark. The victor's village was not yet build so the Capitol built this house for him. His name was Milo Mellark.

My brothers work in the mines to earn extra, while I hunt to keep my family from starving. And I was able to get help from Delly which, by the way, a better hunter than I am. Just a quart of the money we have to earn to be able to repay the Mayor to retrieve the title of the house.

We got started then eventually the water is becoming dirtier that needs changing. I lift the bucket but accidentally splashed some dirty water on Katniss. She reacts with scowl. "Hey!" she splashed some of the dirty water on me, making me step back,

"That was an accident, what you did was on purpose!" I retort.

"Why? Rabbit boy is afraid of little water?" she mocked as she splashed another handful.

"Hey! That's crossing the line" I splashed some on her.

She giggles playfully like a child as she grabs the bucket and poured the whole thing on me. "No, this is crossing the line" I watched her amused expression, while I was dripping with dirty water.

I looked at the wet the wet floor. "Great, more to clean" I say and took off my shirt, throwing it on the floor, making her look away. "I'm ready for war!" I say and grabbed her from her back, she tries to struggle but failed. "I'm good at wrestling, you can't beat me"

She struggles harder and eventually frees herself. She grabbed both of my arm and pins it behind me. I got loose easily and I took my turn to push her against the wall. I didn't see it coming when she slides her leg to my feet that made me fall to the ground. Not so much of a soft landing but I didn't got hurt as well.

She sits on my abdomen, all her weight keeps me locked in the same position. Her hands pressing on my arms, restraining it from moving. She looks at my stance. "Who says I can't beat you?" she says, leaning forward a little closer. Just a few inches more, she can close the distance.

"Well don't hesitate" I say, wondering I she's thinking of kissing me, but I seem to doubt it. She's not really the type to kiss boys impulsively, it always have a reason. Yet she kissed me just recently, after she broke a bottle of alcohol at my head. But it's worth the price anyway. "Don't hesitate" I repeated.

She leans back with a perplexed face, trying to figure out what I mean. "To what?" she asked finally.

"You got me right? You can do whatever you want with me." I say, still a little hopeful for the kiss.

She seemed to be very confused with my way of words as she sat up, opening a bigger gap between us. She got off of me, probably noticing the awkwardness of our position. "I guess I'd rather not."

I stood up quickly and caught her. "Rule number one, never let your guard down." I say as I pin her to the ground. I planted one soft kiss on her forehead and got off of her. "I win" I say, as I lend a hand. She stands up on her own without needing my help.

She doesn't look at me.

"You should go home, I think I transferred my stink to you" I say. "You know your way out, so see ya."

She just nodded and went downstairs without another word.

We finished two rooms in the span of four hours. Father left in the first hour. When Ry saw him, he got furious and sent him home through his wagon with Milkah. Brann and I are left in the house. But he eventually goes home before the sky was completely dark. His family needs him, anyway, that's why I can't force him to accompany me here.

Thus and henceforth, I was left alone again. The guard dog of the house. Again. There are times in the cold summer nights, that my soul feels half-alive and half-lifeless. I have no one to talk to. But I know these lonely nights are a are a small price to pay for the good of its cause.

I was staring at the ceiling, waiting for my drowse to visit me but it wasn't coming. I was thinking of her. Katniss. Did she think it was rude for me to kiss her on her forehead without warning and let her leave without even accompanying her to the door? I am such an idiotic fool. Why would I do that? Very, ungentlemanly. I heard a knock on the door. Maybe it's Brann, I saw that he left his coin pouch earlier, maybe he was going to get it. I stood up and opened the door.

It was not Brann.

•

•

• • •

_**Hate**_** it?**

_**Love**_** it?**

**Let me know.**

• • •

**This Fanfiction is open for suggestions on how you want the story to flow and comments. I can change the story based on what you think about it. So feel free to message me or review :)**

••

**I'm sorry if isn't that good, but I'll try to make it a better chapter next time. The fun begins in chapter 13 so be ready :) I'll be ready with your reviews.**

**Thanks for reading!**

• • • • •

••

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

••


	12. Chapter 11

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Eleven •**

• •

_**[Peeta Mellark]**_

•

_She hugs me as tightly as she can, panting and crying on my chest. Clinging for comfort. She was catching her breath, my guess is she ran from across the block to get here. I held her tight. I wanted to ask why. But I can't, I might upset her even more. "He's gone" she says, whimpering, struggling to say something. "I'm never going to see him again." I embraced her tighter._

"_Who?" I whispered, patting her back._

"_Gale, he's dead" she says barely having any voice. I could tell that she's not breathing. She was struggling to speak. I could feel her pain._

"_And Delly?" I ask, I don't watch the games too, I don't know what's going on in the Arena. I think it's right to ask her, since we know both of the tributes._

"_They're both gone" she says, still sobbing and there's blood flowing from her wrist. I was about to lose her._

"NOOO!" I scream awake. Then I hear a knock on the door. I composed my posture and headed for the door. The clock says it was just seven-thirty. I turned on the lights and turned the knob open.

"I heard you scream, what happened?" Katniss says.

Suddenly the dream came back. This was the same scenario as in my dream but she wasn't crying. I panicked, I was in doubt that I am awake. I wanted a little comfort. She's alive. She didn't cut her wrist for Gale. Katniss is here, in front of me. I embraced her. I need a little warmth. "I just had a nightmare" I whispered. "It was . . ." my mind was blank for anything, as I am lost for words.

"What?" she says. I pulled away from her.

" . . . Nothing" I lied. "So why'd you come here?"

She held out a plastic bottle with tiny capsules. "For your dad,"

I took it from her. "Katniss this can wait for tomorrow" I say.

"I ran from the Shop, there was a man who lost his leg. I don't know where to run off to, the fence was alive and your alone here, I figured, I can accompany you just until nine?" she says unsure.

"I really want that right now. Thank you so much for coming" I say in a hushed tone. "Tea?"

She refuses and just joins me on the couch to talk. "Just talk to me about anything," Katniss says. Talking is the only past time we can do.

"My dream was about Gale and Delly, they lost the games" I say without emotion.

"I dream about that too, but more blood, flesh and gore" I placed my arm on her shoulder and pulled her to my chest.

"It's not the first time I dreamt about it. Many times, and it gets more lucid than the previous. It's not as terrifying with blood and flesh, but I care about their safety" _. . . and yours._ I wanted to say but dismissed it.

She'll try to hurt herself again if Gale dies in the Arena. She was something to be concerned of. Gale's death can mean her own life. I'm not that feeble-minded not to know that. But every single time I am reminded of that fact, I feel like I'm being shot in the chest over and over again.

"If Gale dies, I won't be able to live like I used to" she says, sending another speeding bullet in my heart. This is the thing that I should be concerned of. Her feelings for him. When she loves, she willing to give everything for that person. She's as unstoppable as the rising and setting sun.

"They say he can win. Believe in him, District 12 can have a victor for the first time after 30 years, finally" I say, trying my best to conceal the pain that smothers my heart. "Let's go hunting tomorrow. I'm running out of money, is that okay?"

She nods, and then unclasps my hold of her while I just switched my seat on the chair beside the couch. "I'm glad you're reopening the bakery, I guess, you won't have to hunt anymore. You'll be busy with your cakes."

"If you ask me to. I'll go hunting with you" I say.

She laid her head down. There was a silence, only the night songs of the crickets are heard. I don't want to talk any longer since I don't want to say something that might upset her.

Then the silence was broken off by loud sirens of the Peacekeepers' patrol vehicle. I went out to see what emergency it is that this late at night they have to ring those sirens. Katniss joins me beside the doorway as we listen to the announcement. The man on the rear end of the vehicle is Darius. He's holding a megaphone, while old Cray was the one driving. Their uniforms are different from the ones they always use. The uniform of the Peacekeepers turned from being white to a bright red and a big Capitol seal on their backs, and a bright yellow but almost gold helmet.

"Orders from the Capitol: Each citizen of Panem must not wander the streets after 8 in the evening until 6 in the morning. If one dares to disobey the new Order from Capitol government: one will instantly be punished by public execution via firing squad. Directions are to immediately implement the new order from this day on" Darius' voice fades as the vehicle distances from our house. Then the citizens from the neighboring houses immediately scrammed inside and closed their doors and windows.

"I guess I'm staying for the night if I want to live" she says, walking inside the house.

"This is so sudden. Why do you think they were so eager to implement the new law? And their uniforms, why is it changed?" I asked.

"I don't have the answer to that. I'm not President Snow" she laid on the couch again. "I wish I told Prim where I was, she might worry about me. I hope she doesn't think I crossed the fence. She'll be really, really worried."

"You'll be with her first thing in the morning, so she won't be that anxious" I say. "I'll sleep down here and you can sleep at the couch upstairs"

She shakes her head. "Did I mention how I'm always crept out of your house? Because right now, I am. I'll stay here with you."

"I won't do anything to upset you, I promise" I pledged with three fingers up in the air (Like how new Capitol officials do on the day they're proclaimed).

"I wonder what's with them" she said with perplexity on her face. "It's such a major punishment for such a minimal offense"

"Maybe they don't want us to cross the borders" I say.

"Yeah, I will really miss hunting with you, rabbit-boy" she giggled a soft laugh.

I think about how my time with her could be jeopardized. That I can't hunt with her anymore. I'm surely going to miss that. This new law could break our connection. They might keep the fence electrocuted 24/7. Katniss and I will return to our old things, which is being apart from each other. She stays in the shop, treating people while I bake here. No more time to accompany one another since we're back in our own business.

But at the current moment, this new law connected us. She's here with me. We're alone. I have her trust now. I am certain she trusts me. Otherwise, she wouldn't run here for comfort to her fear. This is the right time to tell her what I know. What I want her to know since that day I almost died. The information that I ached to tell her. I know something about their disappearance. I am not confident enough if she'll believe me. Although she knew about that day too. That morning that I almost lost my grip to hold on to the threads of my life, but struggled to hold on to because of what I saw. I think that is solid evidence. It's not that hard to deny. I almost died. She has to believe what I'm going to say. I can consider the gun shots as confirmation that I was in the woods the day her parents disappeared. I thought of the right words to say then breathed in deeply. I looked down, ashamed of myself. She will definitely ask why only now that I told her what I know. There will be scowling and glowering. I mentally prepared myself for her reaction. But at least I told her.

"I need to tell you something that you need to know for the longest time . . . Katniss, I know what happened to your parents . . ." I started, my voice was softer than the night breeze. There was no response from her. She's probably shocked with my words. But I didn't hesitate. I kept this for so long. I have this one chance now. I can't hold back my words any longer. This is the information that she wanted to have for the last 7 years since that day. And I know that I'm the only one that can provide her that information. I collected my guts again and held my air. "That morning I was shot when I was twelve. I was in the woods and I saw what happened to them" I say, bracing myself for whatever fowl word she'll throw. But after a painful silence I'm receiving from her, I wanted any form of response, words or any physical harm can do, just to get any sort of reaction. "Katniss, please say something. Anything at all."

I shot a look at her. I see her eyes closed and drenched in deep slumber while she lay on the couch. _Oh great! I gathered all my gut to see her snore._

"Damn it" I whisper to myself as I slouched back and placed my hands on my face. I guess I'll just have to tell her in the morning.

•

•

• • •

**Thank you for reading!**

**I want to have 15 reviews for me to continue this. With all the pressure I'm getting from my college, I need some hardcore motivation from you guys.**

**Thank you for your consideration.**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

• •


	13. Chapter 12

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Twelve •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

I open my eyes. The first thing I saw is his face, just a few centimeters from mine. I reachd for his cheek and then trace the outline of his nose. He's very angelic when he sleeps. I want to kiss him, it's a perfect opportunity. But I don't want to wake him. No, I don't want him to catch me kiss him. I touched his eyebrows, forehead with the softest stroke of my fingertips. But when his eyes started to twitch, I pulled my hand away from him. Then his eyelids flung open.

"I hid the knives last night, just in case that you'll have one" he says. "No nightmares?"

I nodded shyly as I broke my gaze. I stood up and composed myself. "It's not the first time you said that to me" I say as I watch him sat up. "Must be some miracle."

"Must be" he stands up and headed for their kitchen. "I'll bake some bread, It'll only take less than an hour. You can also give some to Prim."

"Thank you" was all I can say.

He then called me in the kitchen after 30 minutes of waiting. He prepared hot chocolate and a loaf of bread on their dining table. I took a seat before he can offer it to me. He sat with me and took a piece of the warm bread. "Take some" he says. I did as he suggested. I noticed there was something different about him. He is not saying so much like last night. I felt uneasy all of a sudden. I wanted to talk to him. His voice has some kind of a gentle comforting effect on me.

"You're silent" I say as I took a sip of my hot chocolate.

"There's nothing much to talk about" he says, a bit bitterly.

"Of course there is, there's a million other topics to talk about." I say, resenting the silence that was restraining us with a barrier. Maybe he's just out of things to say. I fell asleep last night, while he was talking about something. I can't remember what he said because I was so sleepy and my eyelids were heavy as iron steel. The last words that I heard from him were about information that I need to know for the longest time. I wonder what that could be. After I finished another piece, I spoke: "You said you wanted to tell me something last night. What was it?"

He remained still, swallowed a bulk and looked at me. He sighed then opened his mouth but not a word comes out. It was like he was thoroughly choosing the words before he utters them. He then shakes his head. "I forgot about it, maybe I'll remember some other time."

"No. You're lying, if it's that important, you won't forget it that easily" I defended. "Tell me" my voice is commanding him.

"I don't think it's the right time" he says.

"You're about to tell it to me last night, I can't see the difference of telling it to me now. And I can see any other right time than right now" I say, I sound very stern but I was eager to know what he wanted to tell me.

"Prim may be worried of you" he stood up while he carried a loaf of bread in a brown bag, handing it to me. "Let's get you home."

He was diverting the conversation again but he makes perfect sense. She might be worried sick because of the new law. I didn't retort anymore and stood up. We headed for the door he locks it and hid the key in his pocket.

We walked, no one spoke one word. We reached the door of the Apothecary Shop. The bell ringed and Prim was standing on the counter. "I'm sorry" I say as I look at her. She runs to me and embraces me as tight as she can.

"Please don't do that again. You scared me to death" she says, letting out a soft whimper.

"I won't, I promise" I kissed her forehead. She then breaks away and looks at Peeta as if asking him what happened.

"I didn't do anything wrong. I just took care of her." he says as he handed her the bread.

"Thanks" she smiles.

"Oh, Katniss, you had us worried" Aunt Aloe said as she walks to where we are. "I thought you're one of the fifteen they're executing this afternoon" she embraces me. Then she looks behind me. "Katniss, I always see him here, but you never introduced us to him" Aunt Aloe smiling as she pats my head like she always does, then looks at Peeta. "Tea?" her smile is always sincere, and warm. I adore her more than Aunt Vera.

"Oh, and who's this lovely young man?" Aunt Vera is standing on the staircase then walking to our direction. Aunt Vera's smile seems to appear sinister to me, free from any positive aura. "Your friend?"

Then I remember that morning, when a blond boy from the Seam with two bullets on his chest, looking at me, implying that he wanted to make the pain go away. His eyes with tremendous lament saying, _"Kill me now."_ Her face glowering at me when I answered her back harshly. I recall the way she slapped and hit me with her iron fist. I recall every single detail of that morning.

"You don't remember him?" I raised an eyebrow. The resentment in my tone was too obvious to deny. The memory hits me again, the morning where she almost killed the twelve year-old Peeta Mellark. The way she shouted those profane words and hit me with her stone-hard fist. The way she was close to murdering a faultless victim.

"Is he a regular customer?" Aunt Vera asks.

I shake my head. "He's that boy you almost killed" I say flatly while I hold my breath, my fist in a tight grip, and my face in disgust as I look at her.

Aunt Vera places her shaking hand to her mouth and took a step back. "I apologize, for what I did" she says flatly. "Is it all behind us now?"

The repulsion. Dread. Despise. All flooded my chest as she said those words. Suddenly, I just exploded like a time bomb. "HOW CAN YOU EVEN EXPECT IT TO BE BEHIND US? IF I WASN'T THERE, NO ONE COULD HAVE PREVENTED HIS DEATH!" I scream at her then I look away and went out the door, slamming it shut. Another disrespectful feat.

I ran as fast as I can to the nearest weak spot of the fence. I ran to the meadow. I went to that one spot under a honey-suckle bush, which was my hiding place whenever I feel upset since I was five years old. I curled up into a ball and embraced my knees and cried as I hid my face. Holding on too tightly if ever the world would unexpectedly collapse on me. I hate her. I hate her. She's so insensitive. How can that be behind anyone? She almost killed a kid. Then she just says she apologizes and she's forgiven. It's not that easy. She almost cost him his life. She can't be forgiven just by saying those two simple words. _I apologize_ is not enough to repay what kind of inhuman act she had done. I can't get over it even if he says it was 7 years ago. I don't want anyone dying. I committed a pledge to Delly Cartwright that I will protect Peeta. No matter how much it may cost me.

"Katniss" it was Peeta's voice calling me. I didn't reply I don't want him to see crying. I don't want him to come any closer to where I am. "I know you're under that honeysuckle bush. You're not five anymore, okay?"

How does he know about this hiding spot? Did I impulsively tell him about this? I don't remember.

"Go away!" I made my voice stern, hoping he cannot hear me sobbing. I know I blew my cover by telling him that but at least he is warned.

"I have your bow and your game bag. If it makes you feel better, we can go hunting" he says. I crawl out of the honeysuckle and stood up. "Here" he hands me my bow and my quiver loaded with arrows. "Don't cry for me" he says. "I don't deserve your tears."

"Why is it that you easily forgive those who sin? You know they deserve some punishment." I say as I avoid his gaze. Hiding my puffy eyes is useless now, but still, I don't want him to see me like this.

"I don't see the point of holding a grudge. It will just be hard on both sides and may trigger a much larger destruction than the ones that had been done" he says, letting his words sink in my mind. I never think like he does. This is the reason why he forgives easily. "I don't hate your Aunt" he says. "Let's go hunting, I think I saw a deer headed that way" he smiles and points to the vaster part of the woods.

I breathed heavily. We got what we need but Peeta wants to stay and watch the sunset since its moments away from his awaited hour. I can't refuse. I can't refuse since I still owe him. I still feel guilty about what I did to his head. It is a spot near the lake but I won't dare go there. It will just bring back memories with my parents, and possibly, but please forbid, would bring another nightmare tonight. We sat at some boulders of rock formation.

"I see trees every time I hunt, but I have no idea what they're called. Like that one over there," he points at the tree with yellow and orange flowers. "That's my favorite."

"It's called a Fire Tree" I say, looking at the direction of the tree.

"Oh, what about that one" he says.

"That's a Willow" I just realized today how much I learned from my father and mother.

"That?"

"Sycamore" I say, maybe I can be better at making serums at the shop if I wasn't resisting to learn about it.

"And that one" he narrows his gaze intently at a direction of a tree with many long vines creeping from its branches. "That's the tree that scares me. Like its lengthy thick vines are long flexible fingers that would block my airway and strangle me to death"

My mind formed an image of what scares him. I visualize myself being in his position. It's certainly not a pleasing image to see. "That one is called the Hanging Tree" the fright was in my head but I tried not to let him see through me.

He looks at me in wonder, as if remembering something. "I think it's not the first time I heard it."

"Yes, there's a song called the Hanging Tree" I was still looking at the odd-looking tree.

"Will you sing it?" he asked. If I was with Prim right now, I'd sing this song but this is Peeta. He's still a different person, I don't want him to laugh at my horrid voice.

I shake my head.

"Please" his eyes again, pleading and desperate.

I frowned.

Then he pulled out a brown bag and held it out for me to see. "I got something for you" he smiles, as if he was planning something sinister. "Cheese buns"

I immediately reached out for the brown bag but he pulls it away from me. I never ate any of those since their bakery closed. It's been years since I last held one in my hand. I missed the mornings where father, little Prim and me walks to the Mellark Bakery and buy cheese buns and a loaf of their raisin-and-nut-filled bread. Now I might be receiving this every day when the bakery's entirely restored. I remember the times that I wake up craving for a cheese bun but the bakery across town is miles away but wouldn't taste the same as the Mellark's. I guess singing for him is a small price to pay for all the years that I desired to taste it again.

"Fine, but I should warn you, if you laugh, I'll hit you. Then you'll regret that you made me sing." I say and cleared my throat. I haven't sung in a long time. I don't sleep with Prim anymore since the nightmares started invading my slumber. Prim is the only person that I sing to, not for Gale or anyone else. I look at a mockingjay on a willow tree, it was singing another chant.

I wish I'd remember every word in the song. I started, softly and sweetly, imitated the way my father would do the song in his version.

"Are you, are you

Coming to the tree

Where they strung up a man they say murdered three.

Strange things did happen here

No stranger would it be

If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree"

I smile as the birds seems to fly about the trees nearby the one on the willow tree. My lips are trembling and my heart beat racing as I see Peeta looking at me with his intent gawk. I almost staggered the melody. The years went by, and I seem to have missed a note or two in the first stanza.

"Are you, are you

Coming to the tree

Where the dead man called out for his love to flee

Strange things did happen here

No stranger would it be

If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree"

I think I remember every note, rhythm, symphony and lyrics of this song. And I have the birds' attention now. In one more verse, surely they will have captured the melody, as it's simple and repeats four times with little variation. The mockingjays can easily sing this song. I can't help to wonder if these are the exact same birds that my father sings to.

"Are you, are you

Coming to the tree

Where I told you to run, so we'd both be free

Strange things did happen here

No stranger would it be

If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree"

A hush in the trees. Just the rustle of leaves in the breeze. But no birds singing, mockingjay or others. They all fell silent. Just as they did for my father. Maybe some of them can remember my father's voice right now. 'Cause right now, I remember him, his voice, the way he sings to my mother and the sparkle in his eye as he did.

"Are you, are you

Coming to the tree

Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me.

Strange things did happen here

No stranger would it be

If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree"

He's still looking at me, presumably waiting for another stanza of the song. "That's it, Peeta" I whisper to him, and as I did, he snapped out of what would seem like a hypnotic trance. I can sense he's not breathing. "Are you okay?" I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"I was . . . anticipating for more" he regained his breathing.

"No more until this" I grab the brown paper bag from his hand. I opened it immediately and grabbed one, not even bothering if my hands are dirty. "Mmm" I say in satisfaction. "Thanks" I'd eat like a slob as I did when I was five.

I realize only now that the Mockingjays are repeating the melody of the song. They have a much better version than I did. It was beautiful.

"They fell silent while you were singing" Peeta says like he was mind blown.

"Like when my father sings." I say as my father's lucid voice lingers at the back of my head. I smiled at the clear memory within these woods. I took another bite. "Still the same taste. Amazing." I complemented with a mouthful of the cheese bun, which I longed and craved for years.

"Like when my father bakes" he jokes. I just have to laugh with him.

"He can recover, I see signs. He'll be back to the way he was if he kept on taking the capsules. I bet he's more cheerful at that time" I say remembering how he embraced me, like I wanted my father to do to me. But his words flooded back in my mind. _"Marry my son"_ I smile at the thought.

"Yes. Apart from being a baker, my father's a joker too" his smile infected me.

"Now I know who you got that from"

Then as soon as we know it, the sun was out of our sight. There was darkness again, implying that it's time to go home. I grabbed the game bag. And hid my bow and arrows at the hollow log. We're almost in the weak spot of the fence when we saw two peace keepers standing near it. Both are holding a long firearm that could end our lives at this moment.

•

•

• • •

**Thank you for reading!**

**I want to have 15 reviews for me to continue this. With all the pressure I'm getting from my college, I need some hardcore motivation from you guys.**

**Thank you for your consideration.**

**Again, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS!**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

• •


	14. Chapter 13

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Thirteen •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

We're lucky to have survived the first warning from the Peacekeepers. They let us go when we gave them all that we got from that hunting day. But they say it was the last time that they'll be seeing us there. They say that it was the last warning we'll ever get.

But we didn't listen. I, the most, and Peeta just nods. I wanted to hunt and no Capitol law can stop me from doing what I want to do. I hated to stay at home, but little by little, I'm trying to reach out for Aunt Vera. Peeta was begging me to let it go. So I tried, even if I'm not the forgiving type of person.

"This is as dangerous as it is, Katniss" he says but I just give him a reassuring smile. I know, but this might be the last time that I'll be doing this with him. I don't want to waste a good hunting day.

We need fund to restore the bakery, for just this one more hunt, we can fully restore the Mellark Bakery. From what Peeta told me, the first batch of wheat sacks has been delivered to the bakery as well as sugar, milk and eggs. I guess not for long, we won't be hunting anymore. I won't have Gale to help, if he's going to die—I cringed at the painful thought-or be rich in the victor's village. I won't have Peeta, surely, he'll be busy in the bakery. I have no one else to hunt with. I guess I'll just study what Prim does and help her in the shop. That's the life that I will live for the rest of my existence. Just that. However, that life can't fill what I am searching for. That's not what I want to do. I will be missing something in my life. I can't imagine a life in town, my hunting was a hobby that got out of hand, and I can't really think of anything that I am good at except for that. Being in town was like being imprisoned in a narrow cell.

After a really long hunt, we felt the scorching heat drying out the moisture under our skins. Drought has stricken our tongues and our flesh is beginning to dry up to a raisin pulp. It was a very long and exhausting day. I suggest that we head home but Peeta refused. All because of the unbearable heat, I agreed to his suggestion that we go to the lake. As I answered positive, I am already imagining the relief that the water can give. I want to fill my dripless water bottle and wash my face.

I never visited that lake since my parents died—disappeared, I mean. It always make me think that it's a sanctuary that only my family can visit. We go there to bond, all of us, like the place is intended for the Everdeens and the Everdeens alone. But when they disappeared, I never want to visit that place anymore. It will just bring memories into reality then eventually, tears, cursing, and screaming. I also forbade Prim to go here. I don't want her to live her life grieving about their absence. Like I am today.

I look around the moss covered soils around the lake. Tall trees that we used to climb. The grass that we sometimes lay all day and make figures of the clouds. This place hadn't changed, except for one, me. I was different. I look like the unfamiliar element that changed this place. I hate myself for visiting this place again. Looking at the lake makes me feel like ten years younger than my age today. I can see the ghost of my memories. Splashing and laughing in the water with my parents. A perfect summer afternoon like today. I neared the water and filled the bone-dry watering bottle. Trying to clear my mind of my memories. It was the good ones that I remember but I can't deny that I somehow blame this lake. It's one of my suspects in the disappearance of my parents. Why? Because there's this thought that they drowned there and, being a restricted area, no one can help them within a league radius. Or maybe there was something in the water that pulled them under. But still the same thing, they disappeared. Not here I wish.

After I washed my face with the cool water from the lake, I sat below a willow tree. I placed the water bottle beside the game bag. I glanced at Peeta's game bag just next to mine. It was a worn-out cloth, which I assume made from an old apron. The burns are obvious and there're pockets on the sides. Mrs. Mellark must've sewn it for him.

My attention was caught in a splashing of the water. Some of the drops getting on my gray shirt.

"Hey come on! Jump in!" Peeta was waving his hand from the water.

"No" I scowled. "I don't want to get wet"

"The water's fine, Katniss!" he persisted in an enthusiastic tone.

"I'm not taking my clothes off if that's what you're trying to make me do" I can't stand the thought of me, being in a presence of an almost full-grown man, in wet clothes or having none at all. I looked away.

"I'm not trying to" he swam around the lake. "You can swim with your clothes on. Come on, please"

"No, and I mean no" another scowl. He finally gave up and silenced.

My vision caught his clothes hanging on a tree. _Oh, he's not wearing anything except his undergarment._ I can't believe I have to look after this man. I don't see why he needs it. Delly sacrificed her own life to save my sister. This is the debt that I owe her. I see the point now. If I can protect this boy from all possible harms then it's as if I protected Delly as well. And another thing that I remember Delly say _"Refrain him from doing stupid things"_ this is a stupid thing right now but I didn't dare restrain him. This is the last time we'll ever be going beyond the sanctuary, which most of the people plainly call as the woods, to Peacekeepers, it's called Capitol grounds.

Minutes have passed and I don't think Peeta has any intention of going out of the water. I'd tell him to go but I want to stay here and worn my mind to think and think. I remembered that my father knows strawberry bushes beside the lake. He'd pick some and wash at the lake. We eat basketful of those. I suddenly craved for the pink fruit. Remembering the taste when I bite the fragile skin and the sweet juices fills my tongue. "Peeta, I'll be back soon" I say and tried to look for the strawberry bushes, and I luckily found the exact spot where we used to gather from. I only took a handful and returned to the lake.

"Peeta, I'm back" I say as I searched for my blond-haired companion. "Peeta?" It was troubling me that after 10 seconds, there was no response of him. "Peeta!" my voice is louder. It was enough to disturb birds but not enough to earn a response from Peeta. My heart beat is beginning to pace at an incredible speed. Maybe it is true, maybe it wasn't just a random hunch. There's something that pulled them under. And now the thing is hungry and craving for another victim. Not this boy. I will not lose him. Delly saved my sister with her own life. And now, I can't let her sacrifice be gone in a split second. He can't die, certainly not here, not like my parents.

Without thinking, I jumped into the water and searched for any sign of him but found no luck. Not a clue from the creature or him. Please don't die, not here, please. I swam deeper and deeper but I can no longer hold my breath so I gasped for air at the surface of the water.

"I thought you don't want to get wet" a big boulder and bare chested Peeta was sitting on a dead trunk. I am sure he's smiling. I just couldn't make out his features because the sun is in my eye. I see the scar from when he was twelve. The horrible images of a boy almost at his deathbed flooded my vision.

"I thought you drowned or something" I grumbled while trying to catch my breath.

"When you're gone, some creature tries so haul away your game bag. It got away with a squirrel but the rest is safe when I chased after it" he was smiling but it appears to more of an entertained smirk on his face. "You thought I drowned?"

I was a good 10 feet away from him when I went out the water and I came out soaked and dripping. I pressed my hair into my fist to dry it off. I also squeezed my wet clothes to dry quickly. I sat under the sun so my clothes will dry quicker.

"You're really that concerned about me?" Peeta asked suddenly.

"I don't want anyone dying. You don't know what kind of mutts that the Capitol throws in the woods and the lake, for that matter" I didn't want to look at him. He being almost naked really scares me. Almost scarier than the mutts that might attack. "That's the only reason, nothing else." I assured him.

"I'm drying my undergarment" he warned. I cringed in disgust as I looked away. I wish he'd stay in one bushy corner and do it there. "Haha, I was kidding. I was only trying to catch your facial expression when I say that" he snickered sheepishly. "I thought healers are used to seeing naked bodies"

"Not me. I'm barely even a healer" I say hushed.

"When Gale had an accident, the one with big wound on his back all the way to his upper thigh," he breathed heavily "Did you see him naked?" if I am a person without a right mind, I'll think this the wrong way.

I winced at the question but I responded with a shake of the head. "It's not pleasing to see the people you care for endure intolerable pain."

"Have . . . you seen . . . him?" he mumbled, obviously bashful by his words.

"What?" I was startled. "Seen him naked . . . ?" I deceitfully cleared my throat, "As in do _that_?" I forced out of my chest. Why is he asking me all these questions? I want to ignore it but he might think my answer is yes. How much gut is in that boy to ever ask that question? "NO! CERTAINLY NOT!" I exclaim. He appears to be resuming his breathing. "It's not like that between me and Gale. We're not exactly what they thought we are."

"You said it, you care for him, how much care?" he interrogated. I can't stop myself from blurting out the information.

"Like a brother, that's why I call him my best friend" I say

"But, you . . . kissed him. That's not brotherly" he shook his head. I don't have the slightest idea why he knows that I kissed Gale. It was the first time that I kissed him, when he was about to be one of the Capitol clowns in the Hunger Games.

"Well, you kissed your best friend too, it's impossible if you didn't" I say in a defiant tone of voice.

He nodded. "You're right about that, but it was a first and, apparently, the last of the kisses she'll get from me" He breathed heavily again, as of gathering strength. "She's not really the girl I want. Delly's a really great girl but I want someone else. She doesn't equal the impression that a girl gave me. I wanted that girl before I even met Delly. At the time we still have the bakery. She buys bread with her father and sister every morning. That was when we were five."

"Who is she?" I was suddenly intrigued of her identity.

"Nah . . ." he shyly smiled.

"C'mon, please."

"No names" he looked down.

"Okay, no names, but could you tell me what made you want her" I say. Right now, I'm the persistent one. I never asked Gale about this. Stuff like this is usually girl talk. But Peeta robbed me of my secrets right from my mouth. Now it's my turn to steal from him. I am curious of who this girl is. Not that I am jealous. Maybe I just want to know what made that girl better than Delly Cartwright.

"I never speak to her in school. I'm only satisfied by looking at her" I can see his blush even if his face is lightened by the sun. "Her pale gray eyes sparkle right around the corner. Whenever she glances back, I instantly look away with my heart pounding and hoping she didn't notice me. And it's much more different when she sings. That first day at school, when she sang, like her father, all the birds outside the window fell silent to listen to her voice. It was wonderful like a million of heralds singing in chorus. Usually, Mockingjays don't stop singing when they hear chants. But because of her, they did" he pursed his lips for a moment, as if restraining to say anything. "That's all that I can tell you, if I tell you every reason why I like her, I'd be over a hundred years and can't be done with telling everything."

"Lucky girl" there was a bitter taste in my tongue. "Tell me her name."

"Hey I said no names, right?" he pointed a finger at me.

"I could help you with her. It's been how long and you haven't talked to her" the bitter taste doesn't go away. "I think she is lucky to at least know you" it was only two months since I officially met Peeta Mellark but I can say that he's a good man with a lot to know about love and girls. I thought I won't be able to get this information out of him but I have dug deeper into him. He gave me a bit of himself as he is sure and honest. I don't need to read his mind for me to know that he's not lying.

He let out an audible laugh. "You mean like, tap her shoulder and say 'Hey, Peeta Mellark has his eye on you' I think that's not going to work. She doesn't trust people easily and by that, she's going to scowl at you if you even dared to talk to her" he says as he laughs again. He was laughing at his own joke but he can't hide the hint of sheer pain in his tone.

"Peeta, there's no harm in trying" I said as I placed a strawberry in my mouth. The juices burst into my mouth in full flavor, a way to swab the bitter taste.

"No, I think I can handle her without your help" he stood up and pulled his pants on.

"I'm all dried up. Let's go home" I say, trying not to sound shrill.

"Let's stay a bit longer, I want to watch the sunset" he smiles, the gentle with the right touch of shyness, which was my favorite. I can't resist but to smile along with him. He walks over to me and looked far beyond the horizon separated by the nature green color of the woods and the nearly orange sky. "So . . ." he broke the silent barrier after a few seconds. "What's Miss Fearless Everdeen's favorite color?" I laughed at his question. One loud and without poise kind of laugh.

"That's a weird question to ask." I say in between giggles.

"Don't you think it's weird that we're both willing to save each other's life in a one way death row and I don't even know your favorite color?" he smiles again. I think I feel my cheeks burn.

"Green" Gale doesn't know that. He never bothered to ask me that question, either. He never asks about me. We always talk about how we resent the Capitol but nothing about our personal interests. "The woods or . . . nature. You?" I've been robbed of my secrets again. Even if it's not that important, I'm still giving him part of me that I've kept hidden in my innermost self. I think the only person besides Peeta, who knows this information about me is Prim.

"Orange, not the bright fluorescent one, but soft . . . like the sunset" he was still eyeing afar while I was observing his features. He must've notice me staring intently at him when he turned his head in my direction. I instantly removed my gaze from him to avoid eye contact. "Why are you scared all of a sudden? It's okay to look at me."

I stood up to avoid answering his question, as I don't know the answer either. "I'm getting more strawberries to sell to Mayor Undersee." Frankly, I'm not comfortable about him being too close to me. Every day, first thing in the morning, he shows up at my door and asks me to go hunting the whole day, sometimes makes me stay at the bakery to watch him make frosting into art. He then gives it to me instead of selling them. The thought of me being alone with him is not as pleasing as it is. I am to protect him and help him with whatever I can offer. Not make friends with him. That is the debt that I owe Delly, and I made myself clear with that. I can't get involved with him more than an acquaintance, though I trust him, I still don't want to get deeper into his heart.

I picked the strawberries and slid the small fruit in a pouch in my hand.

As I turned to Peeta's direction, I heard a loud gunshot. The bullet dashed right in front of my face. The loose strands on my face swiftly blew to the direction of the speeding bullet. My heart raced intense and ceaselessly. Peeta gets up rapidly, making a loud sound with the pile of dried leaves and twigs as he heads to my direction. "Run!" he screamed. He didn't have to repeat the word to make me speed up my velocity. I rushed deeper in the trees, hearing breaking branches and wind gushes. Vague images pass my vision, I have no idea where I'm headed to but for all I know, I'm running away from my sudden imminent death. Away from gunshots that could kill me at one effortless pull of a trigger.

Then Peeta, he was close to his death when he was 12. He may not survive the second bullet that might enter his flesh. I stopped to turn to him, but my feet are not powerful enough to stop my haste. I tripped to the ground face down. I can't see him. I wish he didn't get hurt. "PEETA!" I scream out, hoping for a response. This might be how my parents disappeared. I can't let him suffer the same fate as them. I stood up on my wobbly knees. One. Two. Three gunshots. Please don't let him be struck by one. "PEETA!" I scream out to him.

"What are you doing?" he was gasping while helping me catch my balance. "RUN!" I held his face in my hand to see if he was real. I hug him as tight as I could. "We have to run Katniss, they're catching up" he whispers. I intertwined my fingers with him in a tight, possessive grip. I don't want him to get hurt. I don't want him to be any place where I can't see him.

•

•

• • •

**Thank you for reading! As to my reply to the reviews that I received from the previous chapter, THANK YOU SO MUCH! The last review from a Guest (for which I was reading, rereading and reading again, LOL), really touched me a lot. This is, by far, the longest chapter I have written for S&B so expect that ****I will continue updating**** but so sorry to say I can only do two chapters every weekend. I'll look forward to reading more motivational reviews from you lovely readers!**

** P.S. MORE EXCITEMENT TO COME!**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

• •


	15. Chapter 14

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Fourteen •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

"What are you doing?" he was gasping while helping me catch my balance. "RUN!" I held his face in my hand to see if he was real. I hug him as tight as I could. "We have to run Katniss, they're catching up" he whispers. I intertwined my fingers with him in a tight, possessive grip.

I was gasping. There was no other way to escape. I know that we have been warned but we didn't listen. They said it was the final warning, and the warning I regret I didn't follow. I was running as fast as my feet can manage. I'm with Peeta now, his fingers tightly in mine. At least I get to obtain little strength from this boy. I don't want to lose him. Or my life. That day when he was shot, he gave me hope. That I shouldn't give up on life too easily, like he the way he held on to his life to continue living. I wanted to be like him, as strong as he is. I don't want to let go. Whatever happens, my grip will remain tight with his. Because right now, he's the only real salvation that I can cling to.

I feel myself slowing my pace as he did. I have to go on. But him and me. We already reached the limit of our physical strength. I still hear gunshots. It appears that all that running away was of no use at all. Like we only added fuel to the fire by obstructing the punishment.

"Kat . . . niss" he uttered out with what little breath remained in his lungs. "Sorry" then he collapsed to the ground, breaking the tight grip that my hand was unable to grasp because of little strength. I see a long needle on his back when he falls face down. I crutched down to him, but the same long needle suddenly struck my shoulder. I pull it out of my flesh but I was too little too late. The poison in the needle already entered the circulation in my body. I collapse to the dirt with Peeta. Then the world was a goner. My death? I wish not.

Am I dead? But why am I still breathing? Is this how death feels like?

I see a little orange circle. The color reminded me of him. Peeta. I wonder how he is. The color was drawing near. Then I feel warm all over my body, only now I realize that the orange color was fire. I open my eyes completely. I'm in the small abandoned house by the lake. I didn't see him, but another person, a man, holding a candle beside me. He didn't lit it for light but for warmth, I assume. I sat up from my lying position. I'm not dead. I'm alive and all in one piece. But every nerve in my body aches like hell. But I managed to regain my posture.

"Where am I?" I say to the man. He was wearing a white shirt and white pants, all with patches of dirt. He turns to me, his face showing, he looks 2 years younger than me. "Who are you?" I say, trying to regain the strength I lost. "Where is he?" i was throwing him with so many questions but he never bothered to say one word to me. A time bomb ticks in my head. Then I exploded. "WHY AM I HERE?" I grab his on the shoulder and let him face me. I was holding the collar of his shirt. "SPEAK, DAMN IT!"

His whole body is shivering, his eyes teary, he looks afraid, really afraid. Fright is clearly overwhelming him. I let him go. He seems too harmless to do anything displeasing.

"Where is him? The boy I'm with." now I'm the one overwhelmed by fright. "Who are you?" I say.

"I'm from the resistance, I ran from District 8 and seek salvation in District 13" he gasped. Resistance? Since when was there any resistance? And District 13 is long gone and obliterated 75 years ago, or so we're informed. But with what he said, I will believe him other than the deceits that the Capitol installs in our heads. There's no good in believing the Capitol.

"Where is he?" I ask. The desperation in my voice is undeniable.

"He's safe" he says plainly.

"Not the answer that I was looking for. Where is he?"

"I can't tell you right now. You must go home to your sister. He will come to you, and you will know I am telling no lies" he says staring right in my eyes. I can't believe this. How does he know about my sister? How does he know anything about me? Who is he? Where is Peeta? I could ask all these questions in an audible voice instead of letting them linger in my head, but I was too speechless to say something. What is left of me is Prim. He's right. I should return home to her. "Use this, if ever any Peacekeeper will see you on your way back" he gave me a gun. I don't know why but this boy already gained my trust. "Peeta says he will come back for you and your sister"

I never mentioned him Peeta's name. I believe him entirely now. I just nod and went out the door. I ran as fast as I could. I placed the gun in my pocket, only now I realize that I'm not in the gray shirt and trousers that I last wore. I was wearing the same thing as he is. How long was I out?

I don't need to use the gun since there are no Peacekeepers at all. No one is there to see me. In fact, the whole town is deserted, even the Hob. In the City Circle, there was no telecast of the Hunger Games. What happened? I was gone too long to not know what happened. And Peeta. Why is he a part of the resistance?

Peeta's face is everywhere. They're giving out huge reward money for his arrest. Anyone desperate for money would hunt for him. I haven't seen him for days. I don't know where he is. The bakery he worked so hard to reopen is a mess. A lot more mess than before.

I knocked on the door of the Shop. From the window pane, I can see Prim crying and Aunt Aloe patting her back. I opened it, the bell rung as I did. They both look at me. Prim stopped crying and run to me. She hugged me as tight as she can. She's still crying hard. "Where have you been? I thought you're dead" she whimpers. "You've been gone for a week."

"I was?" I didn't know that I was out that long. I wonder what else happened while I wasn't conscious. "What happened here? Why is the Town deserted? And no Peacekeepers?" I say.

Prim composed herself and looked at me. "Katniss, the resistance took over District 12, which angered the Capitol. They bombed the Seam. The District 12 Peacekeepers were all executed at once. Then Peeta. He's the most serious threat to the Capitol" she pauses. "I don't know why, but a huge bounty is on his head . . . and Delly's" her voice is soft as she whispers.

"Delly?" I was in a pool of confusion. "The Games are over?"

"Yes" she hugs me again. "He didn't make it. I'm sorry" Gale. Gale Hawthorne. My best friend. He's gone. I can't breathe again. My whole body began to feel like water. It's as if I don't have any bones at all. The next thing I knew. I was sitting on the ground, just staring into nothingness. My life was taken out of me. I drowned into never-ending abyss. I was falling too fast, yet too steady. No. This is not true. I want to tell myself that her words are just lies and all these are just part of another nightmare. But that thought was another insane idea. Prim can never lie to me. It just sucks that she's the one who has to tell me about him.

Everything we did flashed right back into my memory. The first time my father introduced me to him, while I was peeping from his back, wearing my favorite plaid dress when I was five. Those stories we would make up about being soldiers with the swords and big heavy guns. When he confessed to me, but I scowled at him. The time he kissed me that earned him a broken nose. That time in the woods where I almost lost hope for my life. The way he held his arms wide for a hug, but I never returned any of it even once, I regret I didn't. The first time he taught me about hunting. The first kiss without a scowl. That time in the justice building. That last time that I saw him smile.

I closed my eyes shut and tight. What else happened?

"Katniss?" I hear a familiar voice of a child. Milkah.

"I'm scared," she whimpered as she embraces me. "I don't know where Dad or Uncle Ry or Uncle Peeta is" I patted her back lightly. This is the only thing I can do for her. Give her a little warmth. I can't comfort her since I am in need of someone's comfort as well.

Milkah is left with us. Prim said Brann went here two days ago and asked her to take good care of his daughter. Prim asked about Peeta but Brann didn't have the slightest idea of his actual whereabouts. I want to know I need to know if he's safe or not. If that boy earlier wasn't really telling lies. I want to see him now. My chest is tightening and I can't breathe, like something is draining the life out of me. Right next to Prim, Peeta's the new person that I am indebted to protect. I care so much for his safety, that I feel like I'm running out of breaths as each and every second passes that I am not convinced that he's safe or otherwise, unscathed from any possible harm that can be done.

Prim told me everything that has happened, but she waited until Milkah falls asleep. She says the Capitol Peacekeepers trashed the place looking for him. Not only there, even in their house in the seam. They burned the house into ashes, nothing left but dust. She doesn't know if his family is safe or most especially, him. Delly won the Hunger Games but she announced on air that she is a part of a resistance during her interview with Caesar Flickerman. They watched on television when all the big screens flashed the seal of the Capitol being burned. The Capitol audience in panic then the television went black. I asked about Peeta, why did he suddenly become a particular interest to the Capitol Peacekeepers. She says I just have to ask him myself. If ever he is still alive.

Wherever he is, I wish that he is safe. His death means my own life's doom. I didn't fulfill my promise to Delly Cartwright, who apparently risked her own to safe my sister. Prim, the only real family I have left. The only reminder, as of right now, that I am not alone. The person, that I love more than myself and above all else. I owe Delly Cartwright. I'm so afraid that I can't pay her back for what she did.

•

•

• • •

**I'M SORRY, I KNOW THIS CHAPTER SUCKED. I'LL EDIT THIS IN MY NEXT UPDATE.**

**I will reread the Mockingjay for me to deliver a better view of District 13 for the next chapters to come. Hopefully it will be over in 3 days if I wasn't that busy. Then update in time for next weekend.**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH!**

**I'll look forward to reading more motivational reviews from you lovely readers!**

**P.S. MORE EXCITEMENT TO COME!**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • **~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**

•

• •


	16. Chapter 15

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Fifteen •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

For the past couple of days, I am woken up only by a needle piecing into my skin. It was the only way to suppress my screams and procrastination every morning. There was no other way to calm me down. Nothing was strong enough as a morphling to make me realize that I'm no longer in the bad dream. But all these bad dreams do not only haunt my dreams. It was stronger than before because even in my waking hours, the bad images never escape me. Like it was already dwelling in my head. There was no way to rip the images out. Those that scares me the worst were the most frequent visitors.

Morphling I just a temporary relief, but if I became immune to it, I might lose my mind. And that I want to prevent. The only aid that it can provide is a temporary obstruction of the images. I'd instantly be crazy without stopping my mental deterioration until there's no other choice but to kill me. Because of the rampage I'm causing. I can't lose my sanity. Somehow, somewhere in my brain. My little voice says I can't go insane. Isn't that what I'm trying to do these past few days?

The morphling doesn't help cure this kind of mental disorder. It just helps to think that I'm one of those mentally challenged individuals like Madge's Mom and most of the relatives of those children reaped to be slaughtered in the arena. There's no cure for this kind of illness. It is a severe damage to the brain and emotional being of a person. Particularly, me. No is will heal the bad memories, bad nightmares brought by the emotional trauma brought by the Games. These Games are a pleasure for the Capitol citizens and torment for the twelve districts.

I don't really understand why most of my dreams are about how Gale died and Peeta dying right in after him. It wasn't as pleasing as it is. No nightmare is, anyway. I never talk to Prim about it. I'd just terrify her and might infect her with these nightmares. Most of the time, I'm just sitting on my bed and staring into the vast nothingness. All day. I don't want to do anything just hoping that there will be no images to flood my vision. Otherwise, I'll be thrashing around screaming. And in the worst case scenario, grab a knife and point it to whoever I see trying to restrain me, Aunt Vera, Aunt Aloe and Herbon (the healer from the far side of town, who didn't do much help in keeping me sane). Prim is always the exception, but both of my Aunt warned her to stay away, which I, expectedly and assertively agreed to.

Prim is sneeking into my room sometimes at midnights. She will lie beside me and sing to me the lullaby that I once always sang to her. I guess in some point in life, everything gets topsy-turvy without me noticing it. Because the last same thing I remember, is I'm the one singing her the lullaby that our father taught us. I was the one who wanted to calm her down during the morning of the Reapings, it was her who had to take the morphlings. But now, all of that is me. I said I have to be strong for Prim. I always say I'm strong. Peeta says I'm strong, fearless, even. And the first person who taught me to be strong says that I am. Gale Hawthorne. I have to tell them that what they thought are all wrong. I'm not as fearless as Peeta described me. If I'm so fearless, why can't I wake up a single day without breaking my whole house? Why do I act like a lunatic? Because I'm not strong. I'm not fearless. And what I am is a lunatic.

No. I'm sorry everyone, I'm not as strong as you though I am. I disappointed them. I can't be strong. I am not capable to ix myself. I'm nowhere near strong. Hope for completeness is just like another cloud that a wingless creature like me can't reach.

Prim would say "Fight it, don't let it conquer you" but she's too late, it already did.

And yes. I'm alive, breathing and without physical disorders. But if anyone will see, this body is just skin and bones and organs. No brain. No soul. I'm better off being dead anyways.

"Katniss, please eat something" Prim holds out a spoonful of my favorite soup, but it does nothing to make me appetitive. "Please" she says it like hers life's depending on it.

I shake my head. I don't know how I managed to stay alive without eating and in taking the morphling but for all I know, nothing makes me want to eat.

"Do you remember when my name was called in the Reaping?" she asked. It caught my attention and look at her. How can I forget? It was the day I'd rather be dead. It was the worst feeling in the entire world. Losing Prim. I wanted to say to her but I can't find my voice to say it. Then she continued anyway, without any response from me. "That's what I'm feeling right now, and much worse" she sets the soup on the table beside the bed. She held my hands teary-eyed."You said we'll look out for each other. You said I'm the only reason why you want to keep living. You know I have the same reason. I don't want to lose you. I hate to see you like this." I hug her, we're both crying. "Please eat something, or you'll die" she paused for the quart of a second to sniff. "I don't want to lose you."

I broke down crying on her shoulder. I wanted to say I'm sorry but my throat is too dry and sore since I didn't in take one drop of liquid for days. I don't have the ability to utter out what I want to say. She broke off the embrace. I reached for the bowl of soup. The weight on my hand feels like a ton. I didn't know how frail I've gottenfor the last couple of days. I was about to drop the bowl and held out a spoonful of the soup to me.

I opened my mouth with little force I can manage. The liquid tasted bitter and somehow rough as I swallowed a bit. The walls of my dry throat began to be moistening in a painful way.

With her persistent persuasion, I am able to find the whole thing. It was an hour or so, but she didn't care how long it took for me to eat it all up.

I realize only now, that acting like this doesn't really help any of us. It'll be painful for me but a hundred times more painful to her. I want to thank her, but a bowl of soup isn't enough to fill up those days I didn't eat at all. I am as frail as I am this morning.

"Prim?" it was Milkah peeping from a small crease of the barely opened door. It was devastating for a little girl to see a young woman like me, being in this kind of position. Prim is protecting her from seeing me. But I doubt that she van keep her eyes and ears shut with all the loud screams and sudden tension every morning.

"Milkah, please, you know what I told you" she says, her voice sounding like our own mother.

"That she's really sick?" the little girl said as she presented her innocent face. She's wearing Prim's old clothes, the dress was a little loose on her hip. I remembered Prim in her. The way I tucked the loose garment with pins because it was too big on her. But that picturesque moment is nothing but gone. She's not as little as she is now. The Prim who needs my uttermost protection is somehow diminishing away. She's as strong as I once became.

"Yes, Milkah. I want you to be a good girl and obey me." She nears her and touches her shoulder, as she looks intently into her eyes. I imagine myself now, promising to protect and love her.

"I am a good girl" she whispers then glanced at me, our eyes meeting momentarily "I was asked to tell you, he wanted to see Katniss."

"He?" Prim's face became perplexed. "Who?"

"Uncle Peeta" she said innocently.

Prim's eyes widened as she look at me.

"Peeta" I made the tiniest whisper I can manage. It was the first time I ever said something for the last 3 days.

Prim stood up and ran downstairs, her feet were stomping so loud and has very little interval. Then it stopped. I hear her crying again, not in a painful way but in a soft cry of relief. And if I wasn't so frail, I'd act the same as her. Milkah sat beside me. She placed my arm around herself and I embraced her. She broke my embrace too soon and reached for my face. My eyebrows crunched together and in a wondering expression. She softly wiped something wet on my cheek with her little fingers. "Don't cry, he's fine."

Am crying? I don't know.

Then I hear two pairs of footsteps approaching. Peeta bursts into the room. The room suddenly smelt of strawberries and bread. I don't know if it's really me or it's just him. He is wearing a gray shirt and pants. I suddenly remembered that blond boy in the house by the lake. It was pretty much like what Peeta's wearing only with a percentage difference. The color. Peeta rushed to the bed and leaned in close. His eyes are like they were before. The spark at the corner of it are like diamonds twinkling.

"Milkah, let's go" I hear prim stepping out of the room and closing the door prudently.

"Katniss, I'm here, I'm _so_ sorry I took so long to come here" he hugged me tight and I did too. Then my cheeks were flooded wet again. "I'm _so, so_ sorry" I really hate you. You left me alone with that stranger without even assuring me you're safe.

He broke the embrace. Then it was his turn to wipe the tears off my face.

I wanted to ask him a lot of questions. Why did it take him this long to show his face? Did he know what happened here? What happened to his family? And most of all, where did he go? But with all those questions jumbling in my head, all I can say is "Damn you" I said in my softest voice. I'd yell at him but I have no power to do that.

"I'll be damned, then. But please eat something." Prim must've told him what I've been in. "You need your strength."

_For what?_ I look at him expectantly and confusedly.

"We're going to 13" he said in a low tone. Then I can read the anxiousness in his expression. What is he worrying about?

I wasn't really startled about the existence of District Thirteen. I'm startled at what he meant. He wants me to go to thirteen. What I am going to say? Why do we have to flee? Delly, she's the one they want right? Why does District 12 have to suffer with her? I don't understand why we're to suffer for the sake of finding her. I don't want to risk going to thirteen when somehow, the Capitol knew of its existence. The new law, the strict new Peacekeepers, it wasn't hard to figure out since I knew about thirteen. They want us to stay away from the district. The Capitol might be plotting to bomb thirteen, right this moment.

"No" I say, shaking my head limply.

"Do you remember that day? The reaping, I was supposed to tell you something. And that night in our house" he leaned in to kiss me for a long time before he continues. I kissed him back, not sure why I did. As he caresses his lips to mine, I suddenly felt complete at the moment. Like my hunger was aided in some strange way. He pulled away, yet I longed for more. "I think today's the right time."

"What is it?" I felt the fullness of my voice though it was still as whisper.

"I know what happened to your parents. That day they disappeared, I was there" he was staring into my eyes. anticipating for my reaction.

I just glower at him as his words sink in my mind. _He was there. Peeta saw them._ Why only now? Why only now that he told me?

•

•

• • •

**Thank you for reading!**

**I'm sorry to post only one chapter this week, it's my prelim week so sorry. I need to review my lectures and stuff. Believe me I wanted to write some more but I have to know my limitations. =(**

**But rest assure that my next update will be exciting! **

**Thank you for your consideration.**

**Again, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS!**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

• •


	17. Chapter 16

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Sixteen•**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

For a practical thinker, what I did is the best choice. But for me, coming here is only an act to get my prize. I'd say I was forced here, but I'm not. Running away here isn't what I want. There was a bribe—the reason I came here. And that bribe is what I want and needed to know for a very long time. And that is the truth. He promised me to tell everything he remembers the day my parents disappeared.

On our way here, we have to ride an airborne vehicle called a Hovercraft. Prim and I rarely even rode a car. People from twelve always walk or take turns on the wagon, if you're lucky to have one. I tried my hardest not to puke on the velvet red carpet of the hovercraft. That would really upset the owner. I was sat between Peeta and Prim. No one talked during the flight.

The moment we landed, I thought for sure that we're going to stay in the gravel of what's left in this District. But when a door opened below our feet, we knew this isn't that typical District community that we are accustomed to. Here in Thirteen, everyone lives underground. And the ruble above ground is only some sort of diversion. Probably something to deceive the Capitol that this District no longer exists. I, too, bought that diversion.

Compartment is a fancy term for room with automatic sliding doors. Peeta doesn't have his own compartment since the government doesn't allow a single person to stay alone in one compartment. He says he's been sleeping in Delly's hospital room. Peeta gives us a set of gray shirt and pants, the clothes that everyone wears. No one is allowed to wear another kind of clothing unless instructed by the government. I don't mind though. Also, we need to take a medical exam to ensure that we don't have some kind of dangerous communicable disease. We have to attend a seminar and we will be given a Compartment right after. Ours is four levels deep underground, named Compartment 416. I volunteered to take a compartment with Peeta, (not that I wanted him to stay away for Delly, it's just that he still owes me the truth) Prim tagged along with us. Compartment 416 is occupied by Aunt Vera and Aunt Aloe, and we are on the compartment across them. Compartment 418.

At the end of the day, after all those requirements have been passed, Prim and I stayed in our compartment. I find neither relief nor safety in staying here. But I was itching to hear the whole story.

"Prim, Peeta knows what happened to our parents" I say to Prim. She looks at me, not surprised or anything. I continued on. "That's why we came here."

"I'm not ready to hear it. I guess you can tell it to me in the morning. I'll stay with Aunt Aloe's, okay?" she says and then the door slides open. When the doors closed, I hear footsteps nearing me.

"Prim, you can go. You don't have to hesitate, I won't lose it" I say, but the shadow blocking the light doesn't belong to Prim.

"She went out?" only one person I know owns that soft, gentle voice.

"She said she doesn't want to hear it" I look at him, his blue eyes locked on my gray ones as he sat beside me. I raised his gray shirt and trailed my eye to his lower right torso and a spot below his lower ribcage. Two gunshots. At the brink of his life, slipping away to his death. He struggled to stay alive, tolerated the pain that would make dying better than that searing pain. The wounds healed, of course, but the shiny distorted skin return to its original appearance. No one speaks. For a moment, we're devoured by the silence. With the tip of my finger, I touched the scar that was the severer. It penetrated a vital organ when the bullet hit. I know because I treated that wound. He shrugged at my touch then held my hand as he pulled down his shirt.

"It wasn't that painful. What I saw is more sadistic than these wounds" he squeezed my hand, as if to wince from pain. "Are you ready to hear it?"

I'd say I'm more than ready to hear it but my voice betrayed me so I just nod.

"I was hunting with Mitty Smythenson, a bright sunny afternoon. I saw mockingjays flying to one direction. I followed them then I heard someone singing in the middle of the woods. I said to myself 'I know him, I know this man anywhere, he's . . ." he hesitates, as if finding the right word. "a healer who comes to the bakery each morning to buy our bread'. He was gathering plants and leaves and tree saps with his wife. I hid in the bushes so he wouldn't see me listening to his song. Then the birds stop and listen as I did and then they imitated his song."

He stops for a moment looking at me, his eyebrows pressed together. "And?"

"Then the birds stops singing. Out of nowhere, squirrels, rabbits, and other animals swarm to a direction away from a landing hovercraft. They ran as fast as they could but a speeding net is faster than they are. The people in the hovercraft saw them and then took them away just like netting some fishes out of a shallow pond" he let go of my hand. "That what happened to them."

I can't think clearly. I can't even make out the images. But there was a question clouding my mind. I demand no more explanation of what happened to them. Further imagery could kill me anytime now. But a question was really clouding up my mind. I didn't dare hesitate to ask him. "What happened to you? The gunshots."

He shook his head. "Don't mind it." he says bitterly and stands up. I followed him and grabbed his wrist.

"Please tell me" I say.

"Sorry" he says, the pain is evident in his eyes.

"I want to know" I held it tighter. "I'll help you get through it"

"Before they were lifted, a Capitol Peacekeeper and a man in a black robe with a weird mustache appeared from the hovercraft. He pulled out a funny looking gun then shot both of them, just enough to shut them up. From a short distance, I got angry, stood up and threw the heavy spear at the man in the robe. The thing _pierced_ right through him" he closed his eyes tightly and stopped breathing for a second. "The Peacekeeper saw me do it and . . . _bang! bang!"_

I guess it was too dreadful to put into words.

"The world shut me out. I thought I was dead when I hear a voice. Then I remember everything. Told myself, I can't die, Katniss have to know what happened to her parents."

I cringed. All the memories flooding all at once. Tears falling. Pain seeps through me. I placed my hands on my face. I can't say anything now. There's nothing left to say. I know he tried several times to tell me but I wasn't paying so much attention to him.

"Growing up, I realized who it was . . . that I killed a Gamemaker when I was twelve"

•

•

• • •

_**Hate**_** it?**

_**Love**_** it?**

**Let me know.**

• • •

**SORRY SORRY SORRY!**

**I think I'm having some major writer's block. I can't write anything decent. Some tips please.**

**Anyway, tell me what you think.**

• • • • •

••

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

••


	18. Chapter 17

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Seventeen •**

• •

_**[Peeta Mellark]**_

•

Details weren't necessary. She didn't demand for it. And I wouldn't describe how horrifying that day was for a twelve year old. I picked the right words very carefully. Careful in a sense that won't trigger any nightmares for her. How bloody and dreadful it was. I have to be very careful not to be distinct about the images I saw that day. I don't want to remember everything. It's a memory that I would never want to recall ever again. Just the flashing back of that day is repulsive. I closed my eyes shut and wait for the blood to fade fast in the wind but it doesn't go away so I held a fist in my hand. I turned away to hide my face from her. "I have to visit _her_"

Saying Delly's name for her to hear, knowing that she is aware that I kissed her once, it's like I was stabbing her.

"S-stay . . . for a while" she held my wrist tighter. She was sobbing, a low whimper but enough to make me feel her sorrow. Unwavering and worth a million times the hurt that I have from two bullets. I won't dare decline her request. Not because she asked me to but I know I wouldn't want to leave her. And what I need now is not a sleeping Delly Cartwright but the warmth of Katniss's comfort. I guess it was clear to me that it was just an excuse for me not to look in pain for her.

Delly was sleeping most of the day. The doctors say that she needs it. Morphlings are given to her, as to suppress her violent behavior. He said that in no time, she'll return to her normal behavior, though not as normal as she was before. The trauma that she accumulated from the long weeks in the Arena caused this emotional breakdown. They say that the only word that she says is my name, a reason that I was brought here, to keep Delly sane. The same reason why we're hunted down by the soldiers from Thirteen, which we thought was our certain demise, that day in the woods. But they figured they only need me, not her, so she was sent back to Twelve. I learned about it and didn't want to leave Katniss, knowing that a rebellion has sprung, will endanger the citizens of Twelve. Given that the symbol of the rebellion is from Twelve itself.

She sat on the bed and unclasps her fingers off my wrist. I sat beside her and placed my arm around her. She lifts her feet from the cold tile of the Compartment and curled up to my side. Hearing her sniffs and low groans, I want to make the pain go away in an instant. But what else can I do? I only have these arms to comfort her, not a bit close to any painless feeling, not enough to make her stop. Make it all disappear. If I could just make her parents appear in front of her, I would. If I have some advanced technology to make up for all the years that I kept this information from her, I'd use it. I feel the agonizing pang of guilt because of the cowardice that kept me from talking to her.

"I saw that they were still alive" I said, trying to soothe out her mood. It was true, though. Not just a lie. I don't want her to have any false hope, but given the current circumstances, she needs it right now. Her parents, considering how cruel the Capitol to the Districts, it would be impossible for them to still be alive. I received no words from her, that's better than hearing her struggling to speak. I held her tighter, that's all that I can do.

She sat up and composed herself, taking my arms off her shoulders, which I was still eager to cling to. Katniss cleared her throat before speaking finally. "You can go to her." A strange gruff voice filled the silence. I held her chin within my thumb and forefinger. It was her lips that I wanted to caress with mine but dismissed the thought. I don't want her to think I'm taking for granted her weak stance. I kissed her forehead, like I would in that afternoon that I first saw her wake up from a nightmare. It was the same gesture that I saw her father did when she tripped over, back when she was five.

"Go to her, she needs you too" another limp utter of her voice.

"Rest for a while. I'll just check on Delly. I'll be quick. Promise." I embraced her tight and tucked her in the government issued blankets before leaving the room. The door swung behind me. Unexpectedly, I find myself staring into the blue eyes of her sister. "I'm sorry" it was the first words that came out of my mouth, not really thinking of what to say.

"You don't have to be. I should be the one to apologize" she says. "I should have told her what you know"

"But I was too . . . cowardly" I say, keeping my voice as soft as I could. "Don't let her know that you knew before she did. It'll break her."

"I'm not planning to. You know I'm more cowardly than you are. I don't want her to grieve over what happened almost a decade ago. Crying for what she knew now, won't change anything" she says, keeping the water in her eyes stay where it is. "I guess we have to accept, but in her case she can't because she has a lot of memories of them. To me, their memories are too vague to remember every detail. I know they loved us. So _much_. I love them too, but we can't mourn for them. And just stop there. We can't. We have to move on sometime. I might have learned to live without them but their presence is strong. I see them in her. Very much alive"

"I shouldn't be the one hearing that. You should tell her" I say.

"I should, but you know I won't" she sighs, low and audible. "I don't speak of this to anyone, until now. I don't tell her because I don't want her to feel any more pain . . . You can go to Delly, I heard she's awake" she closes our distance and touches my right cheek. "Stop being a coward, Peeta. Tell Katniss what you want to let her know, I know she needs you too." The door swings open then she disappears into our Compartment.

I made my way to the elevator, the one that goes vertically. I don't have access to those that goes sideward, so I have to walk the rest of my way to the hospital Compartments. The hospital is a little farther away, about a half-kilometer walk to get to Delly's room. The corridors are deserted with people. I was the only one passing through. I stood, waiting for it to swing open but it doesn't. I knocked, hoping my best friend would push the button to let me in. But instead of hearing the door swing, I hear my name being called by her—or screamed—is rather better description.

I knocked harder. Surely, a whole team of doctors are trying to restrain her. _No._ She doesn't need to be restrained. She just needs me.

"I'm here! You'll be safe with them, don't worry!" I screamed, hoping that she'll calm down at the moment she hears my voice. That's when the door swings open. Two of the doctors are holding her wrist tightly.

"Peeta! Peeta!" she screamed. "They're trying to kill me! Help me!"

I sat down her bed and looked at the two men in a white lab gown, making them immediately free their clasp. "No, they're not trying to kill you, no one is" she leaned in and kissed me, the taste of a bitter medicine filled my mouth.

"I woke up, and you were gone. I thought they killed you too." She says while she whimpers. I don't know who she meant by '_they'_ but I'm sure _they_ were the reason she became deranged. "Where did you go? You're gone a really long time."

"I . . ."—I can't say it. I can't say that Katniss is here. She might attack her. I can't risk that. ". . . I just have to do something" I mumbled. "But I'm here now, I won't leave you"

"What's so important that you have to leave me?" she says, appears to be completely sane as she did.

"I just have to save them" I say not emphasizing the last word.

"Them?" she says in her softest voice, like the way she would before skinning a rabbit. She developed this weird habit of comforting a rabbit with her mild voice before she kills it. She used to use endearments to calm the poor thing before taking its life. _'It'll be over I promise, honey' _or _'Just a little while, it won't hurt anymore, sweetie'_. Hearing her voice using it to me, and only me, makes me uneasy in all the tips of my nerves. "Them . . . who?" it was the same voice she used. "Tell me"

"Katniss, Prim and her two Aunts" I say, standing up and opening a distance between us. She started to tighten her fists as she suppresses a scream with her tight hand. I placed a hand on her back and patted it lightly. My shaking hands were afraid to touch her but I somehow know that she won't hurt me. But for Katniss, it's for her I'm afraid of. "I just have to save them." I say, not making my voice loud. I don't want to leave them, knowing that the whole District might suffer the same with what happened to my house in the seam and in town. As for my family, they're trying to recover from the bombings. At least it's still better than losing them completely. They'll recover, I know they will. Although I can't let Milkah see Brann. For what I know, she'll be scarred for her life when she did.

The Capitol knows that I'm the only one that Delly has. And finding me is the same as finding her. I can't blame her for what happened to my home, she didn't want all these to happen. No one does.

"I want to see her" her eyes appeared to be enraged with her bloodshot glare. "Right. Now."

I shook my head. I didn't respond. Just looking right at her. Then I noticed that her hands are still locked into a stone-hard fist. Her eyebrows scrunched into the middle of her forehead. I know what will happen next. And it will not be good. She stood up detaching the needle off her pulse, she was nearing me. I'm not scared.

"RIGHT NOW!" she screams into my face, making me push the red button. The next thing I now is a team of doctors are rushing to her and strapping her limbs with leather belts while she thrashed and lose her mind. "PEETA! I WANT KATNISS! RIGHT NOW!" she shrieked some more but I was already behind her hospital door. "I KNOW YOU HEAR ME, I WANT HER RIGHT NOW!"

Then the silence that came after is more terrifying than her shrieks. I don't know what made her shut but it was painful. That, is what I'm sure of.

•

•

• • •

**Thank you for reading!**

**So I posted this chapter extra early, a little treat to make up for the last three crappy chapters.**

**Thank you for your consideration.**

**Again, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!**

•

• • •

•

_**Love it?**_

_**Hate it?**_

_**Let me know.**_

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

• •


	19. Chapter 18

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Eighteen •**

• •

_**[Peeta Mellark]**_

•

I still hear her faint scream. Her weak voice lingering inside my head. This is one request I can't oblige to. She has made me do stuff that's out of my will before I brought Katniss here. Kissing. Hugging. And holding hands. I'm a slave to her. I'm a slave to a mad girl, which by the way is also a mad victor. I'm a slave to her, for a reason I'm not knowledgeable of. Or is it the person who's making me do this? Not really for her. Haymitch Abernathy, the only living victor from District Twelve, before Delly, and Delly's mentor. On one occasion when she lost her control, she scratched Haymitch's face. I was told that she was that uncontrollable before I got here. She doesn't talk about anything but me, the reason I am here.

For all I know, they brought me here not because I was taken for salvation, it's because—for what they believe—I am the only living person who can make her act sane, which seems to be working well. I managed to save Katniss and Prim, as well as my family (even after they got almost burnt to death) It's the condition that I asked for. But I don't get everything I want here. But I am of importance to them.

For example, diet is strict here, once they analyzed your body structure, height and weight, then you'll be served what you needed, not what you want. I can take all that as long as were safe—and she's safe—swell enough for me.

Should wait for her to go mad again or head to my new compartment where Katniss is? I choose the latter. I'm sure, with whatever they gave her, she'll be asleep until tomorrow. I should go to my Compartment anyway. She's waiting for me there, but I don't know what I'll see in her face. Anger? Sorrow? Maybe, but I'm sure I won't see a smile. The hallway is quiet as I reached the elevators, the silver doors swings open in front of my face. I always get nerve-wrecked when that happens. This is going to take some time to get used to, this place might be our home for the next few years or for the rest of our lives if the rebellion will fail us all.

Then I see a person behind it. The used to be sullen mentor, Haymitch.

"Ahh, Mellark, o'boy!" he says, like he was drunk, but any alcoholic drinks here are locked up and banned. "Any progress with our darling?" I always cringe at his endearment for Delly.

I shake my head. "She lost control moments ago . . . I think I'm no help at all."

He places a sure hand on my shoulder as the elevator doors close behind him. "You can talk to her. At least that's a progress."

I am not informed of the reason why she became deranged. I'm having a hard time figuring out how I can fix her. "I wish I can do a lot more than that." I said, pressing the red button to open the elevator again. "I'll see her tomorrow. She's probably asleep if you're heading there."

He smiles smugly at me. Then his face disappears behind the silver swooshing doors.

I reached the compartment after a few minutes, no one is loitering the hallways, since everyone is expected to sleep at 22:30, following the schedule printed on our forearm. I'm an exception to some of them, or course. I'm an instrument to Delly's therapy, something to put her back together again.

The door swings open again, Prim is lying beside Katniss, asleep like her. She's embracing her sister, like someone will take Katniss away from her.

I stared at the empty single bed not far from theirs. A real bed finally. And I owe this to Katniss. I've been sleeping on a couch in Delly's hospital room since I got here. I fell out of it in some nights. Insomnia or nightmares haunted at times. Before I headed for my bed, I leaned in to her face and kissed her forehead, one long and cool kiss. "You'll be safe here" I whispered, all-knowing that she's deep into oblivion of her slumber.

"I don't feel so safe" her eyes flutter open, when she whispers. I sat straight up as I am startled.

"Sorry I woke you" I say, softer this time. "Go back to sleep"

"I'm awake the whole time. I'm not the least bit tired" she says as she carefully sets Prim's arms aside and sat up. "Milkah's crying, she's worrying about Brann and her mother" she stroked Prim's hair gently.

"Brann's . . . he's still healing, as for her mother . . . she's not as fortunate as the other survivors." I try to make it as painless as possible, but we are both aware that no death is painless. I see how Katniss pitied Milkah. Right now, I can read her as clear as I can read a book. She knows how painful it is to lose a mother, and a father. I don't know what it was like, but I do know how it feels. I placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to ease at least a small fraction of her pain.

"Your father? You mother? And Ry?" her eyes are locked on mine, half of her face illuminated by the glow of the dim lamp. I felt a trudge in my chest as the images of my family flashes in my mind. I gathered up my gut so I could speak normally. "They're still healing. Doctor says the wound should mend naturally. My dad has minor burns and still on medication. He can walk without a cane!" At least I managed to say something worth smiling about. "You can visit them tomorrow, but you have to sleep. We have work tomorrow."

She kisses Prim on her cheek and stood up, taking a few steps to close our distance. "I can't sleep, because I'm afraid of seeing them tonight." She says softly.

"More than one occasion, you woke up not having a nightmare" I say. I know it was wrong to point out but it just came out.

"You're both there. I want to try it again, just tonight" she sat beside me on my bed. "Please" I nodded, then let her lay down on my chest. "So whatd'you dreamt about?" I know it's the scariest things but telling it to someone has some kind of comforting effects. I know because I tell my father my bad dreams when I was a kid.

"The worst was you and Gale killing each other." The fear from her voice was unmistakable which makes me jerk her closer to me.

"I'm not going to kill him, you now. By whatever circumstances, I will not." I say, wanting to know more about her dream. If I killed Gale or Gale killed me. Dreams can be powerful. She may believe what she sees in those dreams. I don't want her to see me as a murderer. Especially a murderer of a person she loves. He's dead. I will not compete with his years of memories with Katniss. Surely, she will never forget him. She might grow the distance farther. I don't know if it's true. The rumors in school about him being her boyfriend. A sharp harpoon struck my heart as I thought of it. I wish it wasn't true at all. I nudged her body tighter against mine.

"I know you won't, your heart is as soft as the cakes you bake" she giggles silently.

"Really?" I say under my breath. I felt her head move for a nod.

Just until I thought she was asleep she whispers again, starling me for the second time tonight. "When would I meet her?" she suddenly asks, suddenly I was perplexed, I don't know what she means. Who's the _her_, she's talking about?

"Who?" I scurry a little to meet with her dark eyes.

"That girl you told me about when we were in the lake" she says, I sat up. Looking intently at her. You said if you tell me every reason why you like her, you'd be over a hundred years old and can't be done with telling everything. If she's that wonderful, you saved her too, right?" she sat up, imitating me to meet my stare. "I want to meet her. Possibly by now, you told her what you feel of her. Did you manage to save her?" I smiled at her innocence. I know she's a very intelligent girl. But if it comes to these kinds of things, she's a clueless as any fool. _You're that girl._ I want to say to her. But I want to choose the right words to say. Words that is too distinct but not too obvious.

I held her wrist, feeling the heat of her skin against my ice cold fingertips "Yes, I saved her" my voice shivering, should I tell her now? I may not go back on my word. She might hate me. "You know her more than you think."

"I do?"

"She's right here in this room . . ."

Her eyebrows clutched together, and then glance at her sister. "Prim?" I see the hint of rage at the corner of her eyes as she looks back at me. I can read her thoughts again, her mind saying _'I won't let you get close to her. I'll break you if you try to touch Prim.'_

"Let me finish." I moved my fingers to intertwine with hers. "She's in this room, holding my hand" She stares at her hand, crushing my hand tighter and then looks at it intently. Then at me.

•

• • •

**This one's a bit late sorry.**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!**

•

• • •

•

_**Love it?**_

_**Hate it?**_

_**Let me know.**_

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

• •


	20. Chapter 19

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Nineteen •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

I'm not afraid of people. But there are instances that I doubt whether to stay with them or just flee. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Peeta just said that I was the one he was referring to when he talked about the girl he likes. It's me, those idle times thinking who she was, I feel embarrassed and foolish in thinking those.

"I'm expecting nothing in return" he says, pinning me stationary at my current position. "Go to sleep, I'll understand if you'd return to your bed" I clutched his hand tighter. Part of me doesn't want to stay with him because of the fright I have. But the more dominant part is screaming _I need him_. I can't speak at all. Nothing seems real at the moment. This isn't really a dream, I tell myself. No dream of mine is like this. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead. "Don't worry about me, I won't run after you if you distance from me. You know I'm not the type to do what displeases you."

_But I want him near me._ "I won't distance from you if you tell me to" my voice is very, very hushed. I needed him to know what was in my mind. But obviously, he's no mind reader.

"Another secret stolen me" he says as he lies down. "Go to sleep Katniss"

I lay my head on his chest. "Tell me what you're thinking" my voice domineering, a command, other than a favor.

"I'll tell you in the morning, go to sleep" he says, hesitating to touch a centimeter of my skin. For the second time in my life, I felt so anxious that I might lose him. But it wasn't death that is threatening to separate us, it was himself. He's trying to move farther from me. He lies on the bed, on his side, facing away from me.

I stood up. And rejoined Prim on the bed across the Compartment, lie down before I do something, without doubt, the stupidest thought I've thought, like kiss him without reason. Somehow, I feel like I'm losing Gale all over again. My memories with Peeta began to flood my mind suddenly. All those happy times in the woods. The secrets he told me. That awkward kiss I gave him just to make up for my foolishness. I wanted to go back to that particular moment, wished that we never went to the woods that last time. Maybe, just maybe, all of these are avoided. He wouldn't have to be needed by Delly Cartwright as her own personal therapy. I wish we obeyed the Peacekeepers when they warned that we cannot go to the woods. He wouldn't have to tell me about the girl he likes, he wouldn't have to tell me about his feelings for me and—the most excruciating thought—he wouldn't have to distance himself from me.

I woke up screaming. Then he was instantly there, holding me close. It was very unusual though. My dream, I can't remember what it is about. "Sshhh . . ." he whispered very gently in my ear.

"Here's the morphling" Prim says from the sliding door, panting harshly. Peeta took the syringe from her and pointed at my shoulder.

"No. No. No." I say through my insufficient breath. "I don't need it" I say.

Peeta looked at her direction and shakes his head, non-verbally telling her to steer away the syringe from me. I stared cradled in his arms for a long time, rocking back and forth like he's holding a delicate infant. I want to stay like this for the longest time possible but it wasn't always meant to be like that. I have to pull away at some time. But I was wishing very hard that it isn't very soon, but for a long, long later. I calmed down. My heartbeat slowing and pulse slowing down. It must've sucked that he has to aid two very unstable women. I must be really crazy, I can't even control my own composure.

"I must be really deranged. I don't even have a reason to be. While Delly, she went to the arena to slay or to be slain." I say in my softest breath.

"No, you're not crazy" Peeta says.

"I am. No one can deny that" I defended. "I heard one old woman say to Prim that I should be taken to the hospital for some kind of mental aid, so I wouldn't have to scream every time I have a bad nightmare"

He plants one mild cooling kiss on my forehead. Then he held my face in his hands, so I was forced to meet his blue eyes. "You're not deranged, you're not going to the hospital" he sighs deeply. _Tell me you won't distance from me._

"I . . ." I try to stutter out but my voice is immediately cut off by a ticking sound coming from Peeta's communicuff.

_I want you to stay by my side_, I continued in my thoughts.

"_Soldier Mellark, Soldier Cartwright demands for your presence"_ then another beep.

"Since when are you a Soldier?"

"Since I'm brought here" he says blandly. Then he kisses me again, but this time it was longer and lingering. "I need to go."

I followed my schedule which was Kitchen Duties right after breakfast. No sign of Peeta. I don't know what to think if ever I'll lose this boy. I want him to always comfort me just as I do with Prim. It was time for lunch and I catch Prim on one table with Aunt Vera and Aunt Aloe. I took the empty seat beside my sister. I still see no sign of Peeta. I play with my food with my fork, not wanting to take a bit of the turnips with gray sauce on my plate. From this point, I'm good as powerless compared to Delly. I didn't know why that idea crossed my mind. She's more powerful than I am when it comes to Peeta. She can summon him whenever she wants. And I can't. She's a victor. I'm not. She is the symbol of the rebellion. Not me. She can cause the greatest, most powerful effect on people. Delly can easily obtain their trust because the people of Panem knows that Delly is one of them. She's a victor, and she defied the Capitol. I'm nothing compared to her.

"Katniss, why aren't you eating?" Aunt Aloe asked me in her silky voice.

"I'm not that hungry. I don't feel like eating too" my throat feels sore.

"You know you can't hide food here. You need to eat up, you'll be hungry if you don't. And you'll go straight to the dungeons, if you leave anything on your plate" Aunt Vera warns me, but she isn't angry at all. I appreciate her concern of me but I don't have much appetite.

There was a four-note chant from the speakers. Then a voice echoed across the canteen. "Katniss Everdeen"—I cringed at the sound of my name—"Soldier Cartwright demands for you after your current schedule. This is not a request." Then another four-note chant from the speakers, signaling the end of the announcement.

I finished half of the turnips on my plate and gave the rest to Prim. Somehow, that announcement made me a little bit appetitive.

I stood up even if there's five more minutes before lunch is over. I headed for the elevators. A woman in government issued military clothes is standing by the elevators. Some weary lines are showing at the corners of her face, which seems a bit unusual since she doesn't look older than 30. I don't know how an elevator works, so I better ask her. "How do I operate this thing?" I ask.

"Katniss Everdeen?" she asks. I just nodded. "I am to escort you to Soldier Cartwright's room" she pushed some buttons and the next thing I remember, were in some 5 floors deeper in the ground. She stops walking in front of the room very quickly and said. "She awaits for you" she has this freaky authoritative voice that made me shudder.

I hesitated twice if I was going to enter that room. I think I can't face her. I might shout obscene words that I shouldn't dare to. I don't want to scowl or glower at her. I think I just have to think of every single gesture that I have to make before executing them. Peeta says she will speak to no one but me. I don't think I'm ready to hear how Gale died. I don't think I can even speak one word to her. And what am I going to say? _'Congratulations'_ or _'District 12 is proud of you!'_ I don't think I can even cheer up like that. What victors to me are all but murderers, and her triumph doesn't change my belief. Somewhat, I know inside me she is reliable for Gale's death. But only one can win. All 24 tributes have the equal desire to live a luxurious, extravagant and a lifetime benefits from the Capitol. All of them are desperate. I shouldn't hate her. She saved Prim. I just have to think of that feat she did, disregard the others. I sighed and gathered all my will, all my self-control, and then I open the door. Hesitating won't make her speak.

She instantly looks at me. It wasn't the smile I saw in the justice building that greats me, but a hollow bloodshot stare. She eyes were narrowing, as if thoroughly examining if it was really me. She wasn't struggling at the restraints on her limbs. She was seated on the hospital bed, dressed in a white robe and under a white cotton blanket. Usually, she's the first one to greet at a first glance, but right now, she will not say a word if I won't say anything. So I started anyway. Breathed heavily and prepared myself for her unfriendly welcome.

"Peeta said you wanted to see me?" I say flatly, trying to hide my repulsion for her. I always see every victor like this. A cold, heartless, and greedy murderer. Now, this is Delly Cartwright the girl who is currently lying on a hospital bed. The girl I owe my sister's life, the current victor for this year's Hunger Games, and spent a month and a half with Gale. "Why do you want to see me?" I managed to keep up my calmness and self-control.

Her deep blue eyes were stuck in mine. "I can take it from here Katniss" she says in an almost voiceless whisper. She spoke in riddles. I don't know what that means. But at least she spoke a whole sentence.

"What do you mean?" I say, perplexed.

"Don't play _stupid_," the resentment on her tone was obvious, but I have no clue to why she suddenly turns enraged. "You know what I mean. I want you to stay _away_ from Peeta. And I mean _no contact_ at all". My chest started to ache suddenly. I was unable to breathe for a moment. _Away_ _from_ _Peeta_. I can do that. He is all but a stranger to me, right? I admit to myself that I'm wrong. The person I need is Prim and Prim alone. Not a stranger that is Peeta.

"Of course" I say in a hushed voice but there was a bitter taste at the tip of my tongue. I don't need him in my life. And I served my purpose to him. I see no more logical intentions why I should keep him company.

"There are two more things that you need to know" her look makes me want to melt down like a candle. "Both are about Gale. Not his death though, he told me I can't tell you by any chance." She will talk about Gale's last words. I should brace myself for the worst. I think I'm not prepared to hear her talk. But she sure is willing to do so.

"So what's the first one?" I say in a voice I can't distinguish as my own. I want to know, but I'm unprepared. I breathe heavily, held my horses, and steady my heart beat.

"First, he wanted to give something to you. He says he doesn't want you to forget him, so he wanted to leave a memory of him to you" she says. I hard punch in the gut. He was thinking of me at the brink of his life. Me. Of all the people in his life. Me. I don't deserve whatever it is that he left for me. I think Hazelle and her three children need it rather than I do. But I want to know what it is.

"What is it? May I have it now?" I say, still tense.

"No, you can't" she says. I thought she wanted me to have Gale's gift. I know I'm not worth him, but why would she keep it from me. I can't understand her at all. I have no brain to speak a word. I wanted to know what it is that he left me. But I'll give it to his family as soon as I do.

She looks down at her stomach, and held a hand on top of it, as if there was something aching inside her. I was keeping my breathing low, and anticipating for what she's going to say next. There was a long dreaded silence overcoming the two of us. Maybe she's just waiting for me to speak first. So I struggled to scrutinize any word out of my mouth just to let her continue. "Why can I not?" there was a sore clogging in my throat, I think I can't speak anymore after this.

"You can have it. But not right now" she speaks in riddles again. I can't figure out why I can't have that thing now. She said he wanted me to have it, whatever it is. And if she's planning to hide it from me, she wouldn't have mentioned it to me. She doesn't make any sense at all. I flash a fuming and perplexed expression. I can't make out any more words to say. I just look at her, my facial features asking why. "You have to wait another 9 months to have it because it's still inside me, Katniss"

My fume. My perplexity. My dread. It all disintegrated into sand and blown by the wind in an instant speed. My jaw flung open as took my time to realize what she means, swallowing the information entirely and processing her words. The whole truth sinking into my head. It wasn't the kind of memory I expect him to give me. It wasn't an inanimate object. The _thing_ isn't really a thing. The clogging in my throat disappeared and I utter out what word she was implying to me. "A . . . a baby?" I say, as I suddenly obtain a crushed heart and a broken ego. I was really wishing to receive a negative response, as to tell me that what I had in mind is all wrong and Gale didn't want me to raise his child. And Delly's child, in fact.

"That's what I like about you. You're a smart girl, Katniss. You can take a hint" with that, the world just collapsed, crushing every inch of me.

•

•

• • •

**Thank you so much for reading! I'm so flattered that you used some of your precious time to read this fic, I appreciate it so much, thanks again.**

• • •

**Sorry for the long weeks of absence. You know what happened to the Philippines last week. Apparently, I live in Metro Manila. I hope this makes up for my long silence.**

• • •

**Tell me what you think. Please . . .**

• • •

**BTW, I have a new HG fanfic called The Capitol Sinner. If ever you're interested, here's a short overview: Born in District 12, Katniss C. Skylark embarks her new life in the Capitol after her father, a showground Gamemaker, remarried and she finally settled in the city after her long years of travelling with her father. How will she deal with the different customs?**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

• •


	21. Chapter 20

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Twenty •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

**[[Warning: Rated MA at the latter.]]**

•

What did she just say? Am I hearing all these correctly? I drowned in her words. Everything flowing, disoriented, and all very confusing. I fell silent. Opening my mouth into a wide shock. She's bearing Gale's child. So here is where I ask myself a question. What is real pain? Up to now, I find it hard to swallow every single detail of everything she said. Every piece of fact is too unreal to ever be considered true. I thought he loved me. But I was wrong. He's still that boy known in school for the girls he kissed. Did I even matter to him? Or I'm just a fraction of a number in the foolish girls he kissed. Can I consider myself a fool? But I can't because I'm not even aware I love him until I heard his name during the afternoon of the Reaping. So what is there to be mad about? If the baby's born, can I take that kind of responsibility? I don't know. I'm not fond of children. And dammit! What kind of gift is this? Not really the type to be given to a person as a remembrance. Or this is her own tactic to show me she's much better than I am, that Gale was attracted to her than to me. I don't know. And I don't want to know. I went out immediately as soon as I found the right part of my brain to tell my body to move, ignoring the menace in Delly Cartwright's eyes. I heard the door close behind me. Suddenly, I'm locked in my current stature and my knees feel like water.

I feel the free-flowing tears cascading to my cheeks that I fail to overlook moments earlier. I wept the tears and mewled as low as I can manage. I catch my face into both my palms. _GET A GRIP, WILL YOU! _I tell myself inaudibly. _HE DIDN'T REALLY LOVE YOU!_ I nudged to my subconscious but it did not fulfill its primary objective—which is supposed to stop this stupid, irrational crying. But those words caused the exact opposite of what I intended it to be. More of that wet liquid is still sliding down my now damp face. Then I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, my knees fell to the tiled floor of the hallway.

"Hey" the owner of the gentle hand says. Of course I know who it belonged to. He's always there in the moment of the crucial. He's never absent when I seek comfort. Peeta. The boy I once protected but have to be avoided in order to oblige to what Delly wishes. I owe her, I can never stop owing her for saving my sister. I owe her a lot. I should oblige to what she said because, I know I haven't repaid my debt to her. I should distance from Peeta. I could have shoved his hand from my shoulder, but I don't want to. I know I have to, but a little voice whispers that I should defy that for now. What I need is clearly not another one of those episodes where I steer him away. I leaned my head on his chest and mewled some more. I know I appear weak at the moment. But this is just what I need, to release these tears that had been concealed for so long. I hope District 13 prepared a highly advanced drainage system in case I flood the whole place with these stupid, stupid, useless tears. He enclosed his arms around me tightly. Right now, there's no place I'd rather be than where I am right in this moment.

A gift is usually an object intended to make the receiver satisfied and happy but this gift from Gale isn't anything intended for that. Do I want that child? I should because this is Gale's last wish, to raise his child.

"What'd she say?" he asks. Remorse is unmistakable in his tone.

The tears finally subsided when I struggled to speak. "She is bearing Gale's child. She also said that Gale wants me to raise that child" my voice is gruff from all the crying I did.

"How do you feel about that? Betrayed? Cheated on?"

"I don't know what I feel. She said the child is meant to be a gift for me. Is that even permitted?" I say. Part of me wanted to accept baby Gale but what if the child will be the sort of reminder that triggers bad memories. I gripped Peeta's arm. She took Gale away from me, so what else is she going to take? Then I am instantly reminded of what she said _"I can take it from here."_ Oh that's right, she's going to take Peeta away from me.

"Is there anything else she said? Telling it to someone might lessen the pain. I'm always here for you" he reassured me with his velvet voice.

"Here? For me?" I ask, barely having a voice in utterance.

"Always." That one word became my favorite instantly.

"Well, she said she wants me to avoid you. We all know that we should oblige." Another tear is threatening to escape my eye again. I'm just being emotional, with all the uncovered secrets and overflowing of blindsiding information for the last 48 hours of my life. All the crying, screaming, and thinking everything through. I just feel like crying again. Not because I have to avoid him. Not because she said I can't see him anymore. I know I don't need him. I just feel like crying. That's all.

He didn't say one word. He loosens his hold of me. Does this mean he's really accepting Delly's wishes? I avoid him. He avoids me. I can live with that. I stood up and ran to the elevator. And press a button. I think he tried to go after me but the silver doors are more quick-paced than he is at running. Soon, the elevator returned me to the floor where my Compartment is. I entered quickly and locked the door by pressing my hand on a detector. I turned off the lights and switched on the lamp. I know it's too early for bed but the darkness gave me a little comfort, which I am desperate for without Prim's or Peeta's arms. I'm weak. Not as strong as they think I am. I just hide in the darkness, that's how weak I am.

I lie on the bed. Peeta's bed, to be exact. And did that stupid thing again. Cry. Not sure why I did.

Then to my surprise the door slides open. I see his shadow from the light behind him. He quickly shut the door and locked it with his hand print. I should have known he can unlock it too. I see him walking towards me in the dim light. He placed a blanket on me as he joins me on the bed. Peeta placed his hand on my waist and pulls me near him. I rest my face to his chest. "Didn't you hear me when I said _always_?" he whispers, which makes me tremble. He embraces me tighter, and we stayed like that, unmoved, for who knows how long. He strokes my cheeks then kissed my eyes, he then trails kisses to my lips. I gasped when our mouths met and let myself succumb into the rhythm of his lips. I shouldn't be doing this. I should stop him right now. My brain says I should shove him away but my heart contradicts strongly. I'm nothing but nonplused, right in this moment. Which part of me should I listen to? Brain or Heart.

I choose the latter.

He moved his fingers to cup my chin, as to console that I won't stop so soon. I think neither of us has any plans at all. He embraces me tight as our lips parted almost too quickly.

"Always" I tasted the word. My tongue didn't taste a tad of bitterness but a whole lot of sweetness.

"Yes. Always" he gave me another quick kiss. We look at each other, we're both drenched into one another's gaze, no one dares to look away. He runs his fingers through my hair. "I'm not going away, not for Delly, not for anyone else."

Is it wrong to want something so much? I know I'm greedy. I wasn't aware what I just did. Am I really myself? I don't really know. The only thing sane running in my head is—I'm hungry, I'm starving right now. But not for food. Not for food. I sat up as he did and I kissed him. Hungrily and eagerly. With that combination, there was passion. He touched the small of my back. Then moved his lips to leave kisses to my neck. He starts to lift my gray shirt off my head and so did he with his own. I stared at his scars. Where am I today if this child had died? What will be my fate if I weren't here in Thirteen?

"I did that to you." I kissed one then the other.

I see him shake his head. I placed my shaking fingers at his pants. I don't know what I'm doing. With all the perplexity of the whole situation today, I can't think clearly. And right now, this is what I'm hungry for. I think this is what I need. I reached for his pants and undid the button. He placed a sure finger beneath my chin and raise to his face, so we meet eyes. Our lips touched once again. Then without breaking from our connection, I felt Peeta grab the end of my braid and untangle every strand of my hair gently.

He reaches for my pants and undoes the buttons and I instantly slid it off my legs. He does the same thing. Dammit! How long can this go on? I want him. I never felt so starved and hungry all my life. Just this first time. I placed the blanket on both of us. Then he started trailing kisses from my neck to my chest then deeper to the south down _there_. He started to pleasure me. _No_. _Stop!_ I wanted to scream to him but only moans are the voices escaping my throat. He then moved to meet me again. This time I made the move, I pinned him under me. I sat on his abdomen then sheathed my bare shoulders with the too thin blanket. I took him and felt his erection under my shaking hand. I slowly eased him inside me. I winced at the sudden fullness of my body, though he's not even an inch deep inside me. I didn't know it was going to hurt this bad. I bit my lip and winced at the mixture of pain and pleasure, but still I continue to ease him in. I gasped and bit my lip. He places his hand on my hips and lifts me, so we no longer engage in contact.

"No. No. Stop. I'm hurting you" he whispers as he sat up looking at me. I flushed unexpectedly. And as unexpected as it is, he is blushing too, it's not hard to see it even in the pale light. I grasped the blanket to protect every inch of my skin, embarrassed and my ego left scarred.

"I want to. Trust me please" I begged. _I want you now!_

Peeta sighed and made a gesture with his hand that I should be the one to lie down. I did what he commanded then his hands are at the either side of my face to support his balance. Before he made another move, he kissed me again, this time, very, very brief.

He propped to my entrance but he's taking a long time penetrating me. I see him blush as he look at me. "I'm sorry I'm new at this. Where . . . should I . . . uhm . . ." he mumbled lowly and shyly, looking at me. I can't stifle my laugh. _So we're both new at this._

"I am too. Just let me . . . uhm" I trailed my fingers from his chest to his lower half and touched him again. I placed it where it should be. I gasped deeply as I feel him there. I bit the tip of my thumb to somehow suppress my cries. I wanted to scream but I don't want him to stop either. I feel like a paper being ripped in a painful and pleasurable way. I don't know that this kind of feeling exists until now. I bit my thumb harder but it was no use to subdue my scream. "Ahh!" there was a tear at the corner of my eye. I hope this is a sound proof compartment so no one else would hear.

He eased out and examines me. He kisses me a gentle kiss. "No more. This is a bad idea"

"Shh . . ." I placed a finger on his lip. "Do you want to stop?" I whispered while holding both his cheeks.

He looks at me in wonder then shed the tear with his forefinger. "Very slowly, promise." With that, he answers my question. I smirked a bit. He positions again and very, very carefully, he gains access to my insides. He moved forward and back, slowly for almost so long. My walls are beginning to take their time to adjust to his size. Our bare skins in contact as our bodies move in a delicate rhythm, responding to one another's graceful dance. The searing pain is gone and what's left is that sensual pleasure. I never been so full and satisfied all my life. Just this first time. Please don't stop. Don't ever dare to stop.

He bit his lip and I see him wince. I propped my elbow to support my balance as I reach for his mouth and kissed him passionately. Then as our lips came apart, I saw something in his eyes that I never seen before. There was . . . what? His eyes were sardonic? He smirked sinisterly, like he was planning something frightening then without any verbal precaution, he accelerated his rhythm. Then faster and then with all the sudden intensity he didn't dare slowdown nor break our gaze. I have no clutch the side of the bed and his neck to support myself. He was gasping, his breathing is as quick-paced as mine. He's sweating on me as our body absorbs each other heat. I whimpered, but not in pain, in full satisfaction that my hunger was appeased by this man. He slowly impenetrate himself and then collapses on top of me still catching his breath. I embraced his body against mine, as I too, catch my breath. I circled my arms tightly on his neck.

Then I hear a beep. Oh, it's from Peeta's communicuff. We both stopped breathing for one or two beats, but I feel his pounding heartbeat against my chest. He lifts his head for a moment to reach the communicuff. Delly needs him, he needs to leave right now. Really? Right now? _"Soldier Mellark, Soldier Cartwright de—"_

To my surprise, Peeta threw the communicuff to a far corner wall of the Compartment, making the gadget spark and twitch. I look at him, his face smiling and not a bit regretful. That gentle and sweet smile infected me instantaneously.

We regained catching our breaths and smiled to each other. My heart is making no sign to steady itself. He kissed me again before he rolled over to the other side of the bed so he was lying beside me. He strokes my very ragged hair. I held his face. "Next time you'll be doing that, at least warn me" I say between breaths, not half aware of what I just said.

"Do what?" he says very innocently, which doesn't convince me.

"_That_" I say, ashamed of saying the obvious specifics.

"Move fast?" he smiled his gentle and shy smile.

I stupidly blushed again then nodded.

Then his smile turned into a wide smirk and his one eyebrow is arched up, as he realizes something "There's a next time?" he chuckled.

I pulled the blanket over my face but my eyes only showing. I think it's my tactic to cover my idiotic flush. "No! I'm not saying there is a next time!" I glowered at his amused expression.

He kissed my forehead. "I'll share you a secret . . . or two" he tried to pull the blanket away from my face, I gripped it tighter, but he insisted on pulling it away so I surrendered and I let it go. "I have a weakness for beauty" I just look at him, having no idea what he meant. He reached for my waist and pulls me really close. Not a tinge of embarrassment as our bare skin touched the other. I placed my head on his naked chest near his heart. "And . . . I love you" he kissed me again then almost so suddenly, he drenched into slumber, not letting me go.

I watched him sleep, hearing the calm thumping on his chest. I am wishing I could freeze this moment. I smiled at the corner of my lips and let myself fall into oblivion, all-knowing of the change I feel between me.

•

•

• • •

**OH MY GOD! I can't believe I just typed those naughty things. I wish the warning was enough for those who doesn't like those things. I'm sorry God.**

**Anyway, thank you so much for reading. This fic will not be possible without you ever-so-loving readers (and reviewers, if any). I hope you're not disgusted with me because of this chapter (BUT I AM **_**STILL**_** A VIRGIN, PROMISE!).**

**I was reading The Fifty Shades Trilogy (Intrigued because I read that it was a Fanfic before it was published) and obviously, my fic just got infected with E L James. Pray for me because I have sinned. I admit I read and write Rated MA stories.**

• • •

**Tell me what you think. Please . . .**

• • •

**BTW, I have a new HG fic called The Capitol Sinner. If ever you're interested, here's a short overview: Born in District 12, Katniss C. Skylark embarks her new life in the Capitol after her father, a showground Gamemaker, remarried and she finally settled in the city after her long years of travelling with her father. How will she deal with the different customs?**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

•

• •


	22. Chapter 21

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Twenty-One •**

• •

_**[Peeta Mellark]**_

•

"Peeta! Peeta! Wake up!" I hear Katniss screaming. She's nudging me awake.

I immediately open my eyes. "What is it?" my panic is evident in my voice.

"There's . . . there's blood on the sheet and blanket" she sounded terrified. "Am I going to die?"

"Oh, Katniss. What do you feel? Do you want to go the hospital?" I held her shoulders looking at her widened eyes.

"N-No . . . we can't. Prim, she'll . . . she'll see me there" she stuttered.

"Does anything hurt?" I look at her expectantly and examined the bareness between her.

She tightened her legs in embarrassment. "Not . . . uh . . . no" she hesitated, worries me more.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yes" she nodded. I hugged her tight.

"Katniss, I'm sorry. I'm sorry" I say very sincerely. "I shouldn't have . . . I-I . . ."

"No. Don't be. I think it's supposed to be normal, but not that sure. I just panicked. It's just a lot of blood" she pulled away from my embrace and kissed my mouth. "I-I just overreacted. Sorry"

I noticed only now, that I've been holding my breath. I exhaled rather audibly. "What we did . . . it's not that dangerous is it?"

"I don't think so" she said, doubtfully as I am.

We dressed into clean clothes. I see the communicuff lying at a corner of the Compartment. I will surely be in trouble for that. I was digging in my head what kind of punishment that I will be receiving from the Soldiers for purposely breaking the Communicuff. I just smiled. Whatever punishment that I will be granted will be worth it. Very worth it.

"Why are you smirking?" she looks at me expectantly.

I shake my head. "Just the Communicuff" I say. "You know, you should consult a doctor." I diverted the conversation "We don't know why that blood came out from you."

"No! I'm not going there!" she scowled. "You can't make me!"

"Katniss, I'm scared for you. Please." I say looking at her untidy dark hair. I searched the Compartment for a brush and luckily found one. I sat beside her and stroked her long, silky hair. "Please. I'm begging you. I'll go there with you."

"Can we stop talking now please" she said angrily. I sighed. "I'll just read a book about it. Stop being so . . . so overprotective. It was a choice I made, I'll accept the consequences, if ever there is." I smiled at the corner of my lip. It was a choice she made. It's not about Delly bearing Gale's child. I dismissed that thought. Katniss would never use me to get back at Delly. But it crossed my mind suddenly, what is she thinking while we did it.

I divided her hair into three and braided it with all of my skillful hands. "I didn't know you can braid."

"It's not so hard to learn" I say, hiding all the worry in my voice. But what if she just said that, so I wouldn't feel bad about it. I want to know what she's thinking at that exact moment we were so lost and out of our minds. Do I even have the courage to ask her? She showed me everything. Not hiding anything. Will she answer me with all honesty?

"You're silent" she points out. "I'm not used to silence when I'm with you. Whatever you're thinking, don't hurt yourself . . . stop overthinking"

I locked the braid as soon as I reached the tip. "Done" I clutched her small waist and hugged her from behind. I kissed her neck. She places her hand on my hair and raked it gently with her easy fingers. I feel her steady breathing. "Katniss," I started, scrutinizing for the right words. Should I tell her? I thought for 5 or 10 seconds if I should ask her, I gathered my gut and spoke after her long anticipation. "You surrendered to me, why? I mean, what's going on with your head?"

She lifts her face, obviously in shock, and turns to face me. Her impeccable face is flawed by her colliding eyebrows. What did I just said? "I-I . . ." she muttered very hesitantly, avoiding my gaze. ". . . I'm not sure what."

I scoffed. Then it's no different from raping her. I was beginning to think that she gave herself up because we share the same emotion for one another. I should have known she can't love me. Though I am sure she's perfectly capable to love. Just not for me. I can't give her what she needed, and what she wanted. I'm useless. I can't believe I just did that to her. I feel ashamed, repulsed with myself.

I let go of her and stood up. Her face suddenly rearranged from a perplexed expression to an alarmed one. "Where are you going?" she asked, very cautious.

"Delly needs me" I say blandly, not realizing that my voice is overwhelmed with anger. She stood up and blocked my way. Katniss grasped both of my wrists, stopping me.

"No. No." I see that her alarmed expression is dissolved to anxiousness. "You said you're going to the doctor with me"

I scoffed, or laughed sarcastically, I found it hard to distinguish which. I shake my head at her. "I should have been there last night." What's the right choice? The girl who has been my crush for as long as I can remember but doesn't see me any more than just an acquaintance or the deranged girl that wanted me, and me alone, for her whole life? I'm confused. I can't look at her right now. I know I said that I won't run after her if ever she would turn away. I know I said I won't expect anything in return. But after what happened, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I will not be more than anything to her. That I'm just a mere instrument to her. To somehow get back at Delly. Because of Gale. But she doesn't know that Delly loves me. How will Katniss use me against Delly?

"Why are you being cold all of a sudden?" she asks, seriousness and wariness are the emotions I see in her eyes.

"Give me time to think." I say as I loosen her grip on my wrists. When I was about to walk pass her, she grabbed my face and kissed me. I lost count on how many times she kissed me, but another kiss won't matter until I know what's in her mind.

"I thought you said you love me. Or I think you said it" she whispers, not meeting my gaze. "I didn't say I do too. I can't be sure of it, either. But you know I'm afraid"

"Of what? Losing me? Afraid that Delly's better than you?" Why did I said that? I wish I didn't say it. But that's what's in my mind. What's said is said, she can think whatever she wants.

She doesn't answer.

I've been holding my breath for so long. I can't withstand another second. I walked passed her and she didn't make a move to go after me. I think that I know the answer because of the silence she's giving me. I placed my arm inside the machine in the wall. Then it printed my schedule for today. Then the first errand printed is _7:30 – Soldier Cartwright_, which is a better translation for _babysitting a deranged girl_. I walked out and headed for the elevator to the armory instead of to the hospital. That big-eyed victor from District Three greets me with a smile, as he momentarily diverts his stare from the computer. He won't smile after he has seen my surprise for him. I threw the broken pieces of what's left of the Communicuff. "Sorry, it slid off my wrist" I lied. I wish I'm not too obvious.

Beetee stared at it in shock, clearly it's not smiling like his greeting. "No, you threw it" he says. I'm that obvious. He examined the cracks and the broken pieces. "Very angry, are you? That thing can't be fixed by any means" he says. "Why did you throw it? You know the consequences of what you did, either a month in the dungeon or no food. Mellark o'boy, take a seat" he points to a chair adjacent to him. "You have immunity over everything just for being the lover boy"—I cringed at how he addressed me, I'm not her lover boy—"of Soldier Cartwright. I guess they won't punish you" he scoffed. "I won't tell on you, provided, you do me a favor"

"What?" I ask. He lifts a finger to signal for me to wait. Then he turns to his computer and a paper came out from an unfamiliar machine then he took it.

"Look for him." He holds out the paper, I examined it thoroughly and realized it's a profile of a boy. "Easy, right? Don't ask who he is."

I nodded and took the paper.

"Hide it. I'll give you another Communicuff as soon as you present him to me. You're dismissed" he says very authoritatively. I folded the paper and placed it on my back pocket. I took my leave and headed for the elevator once again.

I will see her again. Those eyes. Her eyes, her mind, everything about her changed. I am not her lover boy. Why do I have to do this? I think of any sane purpose but nothing comes to my mind. I'm kissing her, hugging her. Those are the only gestures that I think can comfort her. I don't feel anything when I kiss or hug her. And what if Delly finds out that those romantic gestures are nothing to me? What if she'd find out? Then she'd be more than crazy. Now, I think I know how it feels. Katniss Everdeen, why am I drawn to you? I always wanted her to be close to me but now that she's more than close, why does it feel so wrong? Because she can't give me what I've given to her? That's very selfish of me. I breathed heavily and forced all those negativity out of my drenched head.

Out of curiosity, I took the paper from my back pocket and briefly scanned the Profile. Conrad Murray. 16-years-old. District 3. There was a picture of the young man. He's blond and has a skinny face. He looks pale in the picture. What does Beetee want from him?

My deep thoughts are broken when the silver doors of the elevator slides open. I walked to the hallway, but stopped shortly when I heard a particular scream. Definitely not Delly's. Oh crap, I know that scream. I'd know that agonizing screech anywhere. I heard it, once? Twice? When Prim was drawn. When Gale was drawn. Katniss. I paced my feet to full velocity towards where her scream is coming from. I know where my feet are taking me. Delly's room.

"I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM!" This time, that belonged to Delly.

"AHHHH!" one muffled and high-pitched shriek came out from Katniss.

Oh, crap. I paced faster, desperate to surpass my limit just to see what's going on. I reached the door of her room. It's locked. I grunted forcefully. I punched the door hard. "KATNISS!" I felt my knuckles sore, but I ignored it.

"That's Peeta." Delly seemed to calm down, but I continue to knock—or rather pounce—the door.

"DON'T HURT HER DELLY!" I scream. My hand is bleeding now. But I feel no pain. Well, not the pain I feel for Katniss. Please, please be alright.

I stopped. I think I can hear them having a conversation. Katniss is whimpering. No. No. Not again. Delly's threatening her.

"You owe me your life, Katniss, I want you to repay me more than intended because I deserve it" there was hatred, disgust and authority in her voice, all in one sentence. "You know I do. You owe me Prim's life and now you owe me that information about your parents" she sniffed. She's crying too? What information? "And if this isn't Gale's last wish. I'd kill this baby right this second. I hate this child. Not because I . . . have to bear it so early . . . it's because it's yours. Never mine. Nothing is ever mine. Always _you_" her voice faded to a painful grumble.

"No. That's not true!" Katniss says.

"Peeta wanted you. Gale wanted you. You have Prim to love you. You're a Merchant kid. You still have a family. Tell me, what's not to envy?" she says matter-of-factly, her voice is very gruff from all the crying and screaming. "One secret of mine that you should know, I didn't volunteer to save Prim." No! Don't say it! If she'll say that to her, Katniss will never be league closer to me. She'll feel wrong being with me. She's going to think she owes Delly everything. "I did it for myself. Because I love Peeta. And because I don't want Peeta to feel pain for you. But he can't give me that because of you!" she screamed again. Shortly, Katniss tried to scream, but suppresses it. I feel my heart tightening slowly and painfully.

"DELLY! DON'T HURT HER!" I pounced on the door again, as hard as I can.

"It's always about you Katniss. Do you know how painful that is for me?" she sniffed again then continued after a quart of a second. "No, you don't. You don't know what it's like to be alone. Always alone."

My heart was harpooned at what she said.

"I wish I died in the arena and Gale's the one wearing this 'mentally disoriented' bracelet. He's supposed to be alive right now. Not me. He chose death because of you! You! Again!" she scoffed brusquely in her throat. "He said you wouldn't look at him the same if you think he killed the person that saved your sister" I collapsed to my feet. I don't want her to hear this. I know I can't see her expression but I can feel her pain.

"Katniss" I whispered very swiftly, noticing a teardrop cascading down my face. I sighed deeply.

"Thank you so much" My ears instantly became keen on her two words. I hear Delly's outbreath as soon as Katniss said it. Even with the repulsion in Delly's voice, even though it's very evident that Delly hurt her physically, she said her thanks. She's grateful to her. "Hurting me would satisfy you, I'm glad for that. And I'm thankful for everything" I hear a thud and one of Katniss's cries.

"I GOT IT, I GOT THE SPARE KEY!" a childlike voice came running, and as soon as I realized it, a boy in all-white clothing was standing at my rear. Then Delly's door, swings open. I immediately jump to my feet ahead of the group of doctors. Delly's holding Katniss's collar, clutching her clothes so their faces are close. Katniss's hair is a mess again, she ruined the braid I fixed. The doctors gripped Delly's limbs but she makes no attempt to skirmish. I make my way to the now-covered-with-bruises Katniss on the floor, but as soon as I began to move in inch closer, she stands up on her own and dissolved all traces of her tears and displayed an impassive face. She's trying to avoid my face as she walks pass me. Just as I thought. She'll avoid me at the extent of her limit. I sighed.

In my peripheral vision, I see that they sedated Delly. She's lying unconscious on her bed, too quickly turning to an angel-faced rather than a deranged sadist she is just a few seconds ago. I moved to my feet to follow Katniss. I reached her before she can even take the elevator. She turned to me. "Not a step closer, Peeta" she warned, avoiding my gape.

"You need to go to your sister" I say, holding her wrist. She pulls her hand free from my grip very starkly. I'm not going to get her back, never. And to think, just last night. Just last night . . . Was all that meaningless? But she's avoiding me not because she wanted to, it's because she's entitled to, she pledged to. I don't know what she's thinking. I'd give up everything just to know what's in her head.

"Looks like you could use my sister too" she glances at my bleeding fists but kept her face blank. She has a little blood at the corner of her lips and a bruise at her forehead. I deserved those physicality, not her, she's too faultless. If I hadn't gone to the armory, I could have prevented those.

"She could've killed you" my eyebrows are tight at the crease between my face.

"The better" she says bitterly. I notice that there are more bruises at her arms. "Don't talk to me. And be true to your word. Don't chase after me" she disappears behind the silver door of the elevators.

I feel like a statue, or a skyscraper like those in the Capitol. Stone-hard and unmoving. The ground is shaking, trembling, I collapse and the only thing left of me is the rubble and ashes.

I'm insane. I'm mentally disoriented. I just sit at the hallway, trying to digest everything. She's gone, I can't run after her. I can't get her back to me.

"Peeta!" Prim says as she kneels to reach me. She immediately took my fists and examined the wounds. She placed some kind of liquid into it and wrapped it in clean bandages.

I shake my head, too sober to utter anything.

"I can't believe she'd do that. You know, the doctor said that she took the card key to Delly's room and locked herself with Delly. She knows that Delly can kill her. Why would she do that" she started aiding the other hand. "Peeta," her voice is pained as she said my name. "I don't know Katniss anymore. She changed a whole lot since the last Reaping. Since Gale."

"Do you know that Delly's pregnant with Gale's child?" I say suddenly, finding my will to speak fully.

"Not until now" she says plainly as she pins the bandage into place.

"Can you blame her for acting strange?"

She shakes her head. "There done. Don't move it so much for a few days. Don't worry, you can still draw after it's fully healed" That's what I feel like doing today, draw. But I can't obviously.

"I'll go find her," she stands up.

"I'll move to a new Compartment with my father and Brann" I say before she opens a distance. She flashed a surprised look.

"Why?"

"Don't ask"

She rolled her eyes, which is very, very new. Then she walked to the elevator, leaving me in my rubble of a brain. Hours pass and I did nothing but sit ignorant to the world, not daring to move a muscle. A lot of people pass by, looking at me like I'm a homeless beggar in District Twelve. Because like the beggars, I'm pitiful. I don't care thought, they can think of whatever they want but I'm staying here, wishing that her goodbye didn't really happen.

"Peeta, my boy" it was Dad, squatting to reach my face and looking at me intently. His voice is full and unobstructed from any disability. He can talk clearly and walk straight now because of the therapy but the burns on his skin are most likely to be permanent.

"Dad" I say but I'm voiceless. He opens his arms widely and hugs me. "You're better" I tried to cheer but it's just too damned hard with the situation right now.

"Girl trouble?" he teased. We came apart. I say nothing, which makes his face fall. "Why don't you tell me about it in our new room?"

"It's called Compartment, Dad."

"Oh, that's right. Compartment. I need to get used to everything here. Come on. No son of mine will look like some vagabond in District Thirteen." He rises to his feet and holds out his hand for me. I took it and stood up, with him steadying my balance.

I drenched to slumber as soon as we reached the new Compartment it was no different from my first one. Except she won't be here with me.

"Peeta! Peeta!"

"I'm tired, Katniss. Give me five minutes" I muttered with my drowsy eyes still stubbornly shut.

"Wake up. It's me, Prim. I can't find Katniss"

•

•

• • •

**Oh no! Where did Katniss go?**

**~I haven't thought of it but I wish you enjoyed this Chapter even though Peeta's POV isn't that comprehensive.**

• • •

**Whoooo! 40+ reviewers. Top rating Fic so far! Thank you so much! I will definitely lose all my motivation if you're not reading this right this moment. Thank you for the loyalty! I appreciate it a lot!**

• • •

**Tell me what you think. Please . . .**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

• **8/25/12 •**

•

• •


	23. Chapter 22

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Twenty-Two •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

"Prim, please get the door, there's someone. I need to finish the inventory." I say plainly from the counter as I stare into the cabinet full of medicines and write down the quantity and price of each vial. The shop is surprisingly dull today. No patients either. Well, it's the everyday life in the Shop.

"OH MY! MOM! DAD!" Prim shrieked in her most joyous cheer. I scurry immediately to the door. It's really them. Is it true? I can't believe it. They're here. They're alive! No word can be placed at the extreme happiness and relief I feel at the moment. I ran as fast as my feet can manage. I hug them both in the tightest embrace.

"Mom, Dad." I wept, for the first time for so long, because of unfathomable happiness. "I love you two so much. Where have you gone?" I buried my face in my father's chest.

Mom and Dad just stares at me, not answering my question then her tears fell to her cheeks to the corner of her lips. I stare at her mouth for a long time, it doesn't move. Then something rung inside my head, it instantly registers in my mind—with the abnormal position of her lips and the struggling force in her throat, some inhuman devil cut their tongues—they're what they call Avox. Darius tells us about those people, I know I haven't seen one in my life—not expecting to—but I am aware what the Capitol does. I didn't expect to see an Avox, or two at the same time. And most especially, it never occurred to me that the first Avoxes that I'll ever see are my own parents.

There was fire burning in my chest. Kindled fire, persistent coursing of hatred, and reopened wounds. My parents are Avoxes. This is why I should help the rebellion.

The rebellion! My eyes flung awake. I blinked a couple of times to adjust my vision in the dark closet. Dammit! Then every piece of detail struck me like a flashing meteor, finally releasing me from the dream of my parents encounter. I'm not in Twelve, I'm not in the shop and my parents are Avoxes. I'm in Thirteen, inside a rarely used secluded room, and my parents are in the Capitol treated as mute slaves by those freaks. I inhaled and exhaled very audibly. It doesn't smell of old leaves and dirt. This isn't the woods, I'm not under my honeysuckle—this place isn't my sanctuary.

"I was dreaming" I whispered to myself, holding my tight fist. Tears are cascading down my face. I hug my knees, finally releasing me out of the fleeting dream. As of now, the darkness cannot provide me the comfort I'm longing for. The scent of the dust and soil fills my nose.

"Oh, you're awake. You okay?" a mysterious voice called. It wasn't Peeta. I will never see or hear from him again. I'm seriously undoubted.

"Who are you?" I say, only audibly. I composed myself.

"I'm Conrad Murray. I saw you come an hour ago. I thought you're a soldier. I hid for a while just to be cautious but I think you mean no harm" he says, making me realize how young he is, almost fragile. "I don't have a first aid kit. Sorry, I can't treat you. I have some turnips here, eat if you want." The concern in his voice is truly genuine. I trust him immediately. I couldn't see his face in the darkness. He sat beside me, only a few inches distant.

"No thank you. You're hiding from the soldiers?" I say immediately.

"Yes. Are you hiding too?" he then opened a flashlight, so he could see me better. I narrow my gaze to regulate my vision at the light. His other hand is clutching something in a gray cloth. "You don't want anything, you sure?"

"Why are you hiding?" I ignored his last sentence.

"They want to take him away from me" he looked at thing in other arm. I took the flashlight and lit the object but instantly, I discerned that he was holding a little boy. One or two of age.

I touched the cheeks of the male infant, the delicacy and softness of the sleeping boy made my heart thump loudly. The color of the child's hair varies greatly from Conrad. Conrad was blond and the child is dark haired. I didn't know why it crossed my mind that this child belonged to Gale. My heart lurched as I thought of Gale and Delly's child. I'm still thinking if I can raise the child. Conrad sensed my hidden desire. He placed the baby in my arms, it surprised me that he allowed me. The child is heavy, not an infant really. When the child is no longer in his contact, he stretched his limbs and his back.

"I meant to place him down but I can't. He's too precious to me" he says very softly. So we're alike in some way, he's as protective as I am when it comes to the ones we love. "His name is Curtis." Underneath all the crappiness of Thirteen, there's this little hope that is worth a smile, like this fragile child in my arms. I never really held a child this young before. The thought of Gale encouraged me, I think.

"Your brother?" I asked, anticipating for his answer.

"Do I really look that young?" he chuckled to himself, like he was thinking of some private joke. "No, he's my son."

Both my eyebrows arched up in complete surprise. "No kidding?" I smiled.

"No kidding. I was just fifteen when we had him, same time his mother died. The government thought I am very immature to raise him. They wanted to give little Curtis to another family. I refused of course, I love my child. He's the most incredible, wonderful, beautiful gift she ever gave me" there was a sparkle in the corner of his eyes as he looks at Curtis.

_A gift. A child as a gift._ Another reminder of Gale's last wishes. His grift for me is his own child that is mothered by the current victor. Am I soft enough to appreciate that gift?

"You. What's your name? Your story? Are you hiding from the soldiers too?" he says as he reaches for the sleeping child. I embraced the child closer to me. "Okay, you can hold him a little longer" he smiled to me.

"My name is Katniss, no soldier wants me. I just need to go somewhere I could think" I say, gesturing to Conrad to take his boy. "I have two Aunts that could help you with Curtis."

"No. I guess I won't need your help. I'm planning to escape to District 3, where there's a rebellion safe house, like here it's underground, but smaller. The rest of my family is there, if ever they're still alive" he sighed deeply, thinking something very thoroughly "And I couldn't stay here for long. Apart from refusing government wishes, I'm stealing food from the kitchen, which violates heavier Thirteen laws"

"Oh," was all I can manage.

"Don't pity me. I'm strong" he smiled like he was a child himself. "Also, I don't want to be a rebel soldier."

"Rebel soldier?"

"It's mandatory for men ages 16 to 45 with Thirteen privileges to join the rebel soldiers. Katniss I can't die, not for Curtis. I'm the only one he's got" there it is again, the pain is appearing momentarily as he says those words, but the pain immediately fades as he glimpse at Curtis.

Stupidly, Peeta's gentle and shy smile reappears in my vision. Surely, he'll be one of them. But who knows? With his immunity, he might be an exception. Peeta? A soldier? Isn't he already?

Then an idea struck me. I know it sounded completely idiotic, irrational and indiscernible. _Is it possible?_ "Where are they planning to invade?"

"Most of them the Capitol"

_It is possible!_ I grinned smugly, which reached from ear to ear. There was that hope, making the kindled fire die momentarily. That hope makes my body tremble and made me cheer for the first time in the last few days in Thirteen.

Conrad looked at me in wonder. "Why?"

"Because I want to go to the Capitol" I gleamed, enlightening the dark room. "I can see my parents again!"

"No. That's not possible. _Only_ men are allowed" he says strongly. My eyebrows entwined in the middle of my face, my excitement gone.

"Only Men?"

"They value women and children in Thirteen. The war has already killed thousands, or millions rather. Who do you think would repopulate Panem after the war?" he says in his matter-of-fact tone, I heard for the first time.

They can't stop me. They can't. No one can. I'm very persistent. I'm going to save them because I know I can. I've waited seven long and agonizing years. I'm not going to give up now when I few steps closer to where they are. "I'm still going. I'm not having children anyway. I'm not a percentage loss to the population."

"Ma" Curtis said chastely, making me and Conrad flinch and turn to him.

"No. No son. She's not your Mommy" he says like it was a lullaby.

"I'm Katniss and I'm here to help you" I say monotonously to the child. "If you help me too" that last statement was more directed to Conrad then to Curtis.

"Katniss, you can't" he then turned to the confused little Curtis. "Son, sleep please" Conrad's velvet voice is only heard, suddenly reminding me of my father.

I instantly thought of the song my father sings to me and Prim in a summer sunset after we spend time beside the lake. It was one of the moments I wish to rewound to and stay at that point in time for me to rekindle those unforgettable laughter and giggles we share with our parents. After they disappeared, I refuse to see the sunset, avoiding it like a disease because it was a reminder of those memories. I miss my parents. But I'm a little hopeful now. And I know I'm a little closer the reuniting with them. It won't be any time sooner. Since that last sunset, sunsets has a different effect on me now. I'd give everything right now just to witness it again with the boy with the bread—and cheese buns—I laughed, enjoying my private joke.

I stroked Curtis's dark hair and started to sing softly and cheerfully like how my father used to sing _Goodnight Sun, Hello Sun._ It was Prim's favorite, next to my father's lullaby.

• •

_Playing with the fire tree's silhouette_

_The sun is waving before it slept_

_Little children running home, to safety they go_

_One, two, three, who's the last to flee?_

_Four, five, no worries, we'll suffice_

• •

_Playing with the fire tree's silhouette_

_The sun is waving before it slept_

_Flowers sway as the sun says goodbye_

_The little birds spread their wings to safety they fly,_

_Away from the hungry eye_

• •

Curtis smiles at me and tried to imitate my singing but he can't follow since his speech abilities is not fully developed. He hums and hums, enjoying the song. He's smiling, making my heart squeezed tightly, like the first time I saw the smile of a little four year old Gale Hawthorne.

• •

_Playing with the fire tree's silhouette_

_The sun is waving before it slept_

_Yellow and orange I see, before the children flee_

_Goodnight says the sun, the fire tree says goodbye_

_Kisses goodbye to its silhouette, the fire dies down_

• •

_The fire died and the silhouette says goodnight_

_Hello for tomorrow, we'll see a gleaming daybreak_

_Hello for tomorrow, we'll see the birds in flight_

_Hello for tomorrow, we'll giggle and shake_

_Playing with the fire tree's silhouette_

_The sun is dawning, we no longer fret_

• •

"Mama." Curtis says. I'm not in unease because I know he's just a child.

"Curtis, go to sleep, now" Conrad says softly. Curtis stood up and sat on my lap. "She's not your mommy, son"

He rested his head on my chest. I hesitated once if I should put my arms around him. But I eventually did. He is just a child, not more than another victim to the situation brought by the cruelty of the Capitol. "Again" he says. I said I'll never have any children. I know I won't because I don't know how to take care of them. I never imagined having a child. I patted his head gently. Then started, softly and melodiously, my father's lullaby. As soon as I finished singing, I am reminded of why I want to go to the Capitol.

"I'm going to use your name" I say to Conrad whose face is bewildered.

"Pretend to be a man?" Conrad says, voicing my unspoken thoughts.

I nodded. "I see no harm. And one boy said I'm pretty lethal. I'm sure I can handle the training."

"I'm sure you can but that's not your only problem. You have a camp full of men to hide from"

"True" I say. "As long as I could go to the Capitol, no feat is too hard to mount. They're just men and I, for one, am just fighting for the same cause."

"Suit yourself. But be careful" Conrad took the sleeping Curtis from my shoulder. "Better let me take him. I don't want you to steal him from me" he smiled at his own private joke.

"What is it like having a child?"

"You'll love a child at the first glance. Exhausting for the first year, but it gets better—"

A bell rang from the speakers, not the alarming one, the bell that signals for an announcement. "Announcement: Everyone will be mandated to attend to the canteen for the President's public announcement. Any, who has tolerated this announcement, will be subject to immediate punishment. That will be all" another bell rang, signaling the end of the announcement.

"We should go" I say to him.

Then Curtis's eyes look at him expectantly. "No more sleeps" he says in his little voice.

"I think we should, but keep a low profile"

• • • • •

• • •

We parted when reached the entrances and we promised to meet at the elevator after the President's announcement. Conrad was anxious about Curtis so he trusted me with the child. We arrived, avoided gapes from other citizens and soldiers. In the crowd of Thirteen, no one cares about us and we could easily hide within the throng of citizens. I hope I won't see Peeta. President Coin stands firmly at the podium at the front of the canteen, keeping her impassive face on. She doesn't show any sign of emotion, maybe she went through a lot of training to suppress all her facial expression. She is good at it too. She signals for the soldiers to close the entrances. She then began her announces. What's so important that she can't do the announcement through the speakers that she needs all the citizens to gather up for this one? And knowing Coin, I think she's not fond of speaking in front of a large number of people.

"Citizens of Thirteen, most of District Six, Eight, Nine, Eleven and Twelve have been disintegrated because of the Capitol bombings." Like we don't already know, that was the exact reason we're here. "Most of the new Citizens gained refuge in Thirteen, leaving their accustomed lives in their district. Whom should we blame for this destruction?" she eyes the crowd for a brief moment before speaking again. Low murmurs escape from most of the people, but I remained focused on what she is about to say. I tighten my grip on Curtis's hand. "The Capitol" she says with scorn. "Maybe your sister, your brother, one of your relatives, a friend, a schoolmate, or just a mere acquaintance has been drawn from the Reaping bowl and did not survive the treacherous Arena created by the Capitol. While they indulge in luxury and extravagance, some of our fellowmen have died of poverty, if not, have died of a cruel punishment that they did not deserve" her voice was monotonous, doing a failed attempt at fueling the existing hatred of each citizen.

I suddenly thought of Gale. My best friend was reaped then died the way he doesn't deserve. He died all because his name was drawn. His name is thrown more than what it should be because he wanted to feed his family. To prevent them from starving to death, he hunted, worked hard each dawn to continue to live because the Capitol owns us. They owned the Coal harvested from us. They won't give us anything if we won't risk our lives. Because that's how they live. The districts give them what they want and we don't have anything in return, except misery and growling stomachs. I'm a merchant kid, I've live less like those in the seam, but I can't say I'm rich, there're times that we skip a meal because no one is buying medicine. I helped Gale get through every day. He would scream in the woods that he wished he didn't live in District Twelve.

"Should we loathe the Capitol—?" That shouldn't have to be asked. Everyone should know that exact answer to that.

"YES!" I shrieked impulsively. _Oh, damn, what did I just do?_ Every head is turned to my direction. Every horrific glare is focused to me alone. So what will happen next? Soldiers will punish me? I pulled Curtis near me, protecting him with my hand. _Damn, damn, damn!_ Please don't let them see Curtis. Then I see President Coin was fixated on me.

"True. I admire your enthusiasm. Come forward" _Damn_! This isn't what I'm expecting. I blink a couple of times, refusing to come forth. Coins eyes are gaping at me like a hawk, and I'm ready to be slaughtered.

"Go" I hear Conrad as he took Curtis's hand from me. He nudged the small of my back with his fist. "Katniss, go" Everyone anticipated as I make my way to the podium. A muscular soldier helped me up. Why do I feel like being reaped? I forced a lung full of air and convinced myself, I'm not being reaped. President Coin looked at me. I only saw her thrice including today but I noticed something different in her face. She was smiling at the corner of her lip. That was very unnatural for her, considering that everyone sees her as impassive most of the time, emotionless and displeased. She's smiling because of my puny reaction?

"Your name?" she whispered away from the microphone, directing to me, and me alone.

"K-Katniss Everdeen" I stammered, absorbed by her tantalizing gaze. This isn't the same podium that Gale, Delly, Prim stood from. I'm not in the Reaping. Why am I here? I'm a complete and utter embarrassment to every single eye that gazes upon me. Why did she call me here? I can't make out anything. Nothing mattered really, my senses are no longer working perfectly.

"Why do you loathe the Capitol?" she says pulling her hand away from the mic. This time the question was not only for me, but also for every awaiting citizen. The undersized touch of her smile is invisible from her face again.

I can think of hundreds and hundreds of reasons, or most probably, the list is endless. What should I say first? My mind isn't in the state of arranging words. Then, from the wide and vast pool of people, and as impossibly as it is, I see Prim. I was reminded of every single reason why I should loathe the Capitol. I felt it again, the kindled fire, the coursing hatred from the every inch of me. I tense. My muscles are liquefied. Every nerve in my body shudders. Moved my jaw and spoke. "I can think of thousands, but the very reason I hate them is—for taking my parents and for cutting their tongues. They're Avoxes. Treated as mute slaves." My throat is dry, painfully dry, but I'm not a quart through. I want so say so much. I don't know what has gotten into me that I gathered all the courageous bones to stand here and face the heart of the rebellion against the Capitol. I'm not a victor. They have never seen my face before now. Will my words have any effect on them? "If it wasn't for the Games, Gale Hawthorne would still be alive. Delly Cartwright shouldn't be deranged. Haymitch wouldn't have been so sobered."—_Why did I say that? What is Haymitch to me? Oh, it's because it was suddenly so clear why he was like that. He was a victim, a broken beyond repair victim. I bet every victor is_—"We wouldn't have to watch children die—our fellowmen die. Our homes would still be standing tall." I swallowed, hard and dryly. The walls of my throat stings, yet it does nothing to stop me. "What is the real reason for the Dark Days? We stood up and fought. Is that why we owe them?" the voice escaping me doesn't sound like my own. "And now we repeat history. We will be stepped on, pondered upon if we will not succeed right now. If we don't, imagine how many more children will die and suffer without justice. Twice more? Thrice? Who knows how many more? But we know. We know how cruel they are" every word was a whisper but it surprised me how my words were very reflective to each of the faces.

I notice only now that they're filming. It's not just the eyes of the people from Thirteen. There are more unseen audiences, maybe more of Thirteen's population. I want to say more. But I was lost for words. I never spoke aloud to anyone other than Gale about my hatred for the Capitol. And now I'm here, with a hundred or a thousand pair of intent eyes and ears, anticipating what a regular District girl has to say.

"What are we hungry for? Food or freedom. I'd say both. We don't owe them. They owe us. We harvest the food they eat. We weave the clothes they wear. We mine their coal. They're nothing without us. They owe us. But how did they repay all our work? They reap the young ones just for their entertainment, and after that? They bombed, burnt and sweep our homes."

"BURN THEM!" one from the crowd yelled.

"If we burn," I looked at the camera with an intent glare. "YOU BURN WITH US!" I say through my clenched teeth.

Then everyone screamed my last four words and threw their fists in the air, the Canteen isn't filled with the anticipating audience earlier, now it's an audience of full hatred and avengers. Some were hugging, some were shrieking their ideas on how to bring down the government. I sighed deeply and closed my eyes shut. After I regained my focus, I turned to President Coin.

"I'm sorry I ruined your announcement" I whispered, my throat stings, I can't believe I can still talk after all that I've said.

"You just saved me one hell of a speech there" the puniest pinch of smile touched the corner of her eye, she bowed very briefly then she walked away from the podium, leaving me standing before the cheering and wild crowd. I stepped down and my body was tossed aback when Prim came running and embracing me.

"Where have you gone?" she wept.

"Shhh . . ." I patted her head lightly. "I went somewhere safe, little duck. Stop crying please."

"There she is!" I bald woman with green vines tattooed on her skin called out. Prim broke our hug to acknowledge the woman. She enclosed me in her arms but I made no move to hug her back. "You made a good show to Panem tonight!"

"It reached the Capitol?" I asked, astounded by what I just did.

"Some parts of the Capitol, Beetee can't breach through Snow's Mansion" she smiles, of what a think is a genuine smile. "But don't worry, you made the best propo ever aired so far!"

"What's a propo?" I held Prims hand.

She signaled me to go outside the canteen, away from the riotous throng. A skinny young man followed her with a shell-like armor sheathing his body. Then I realize, these people aren't from any District, with the unnatural tattoo, bald head, she's from the Capitol.

"I'm Cressida. A propo is short for propaganda spots, which we film and air in Panem in resistance to the Capitol. This is Messala" she points to the skinny man, whom I assume is her assistant. "Please join the propos. We filmed President Coin mostly, some victors we gathered are filmed also but none of them has the rage that the propos needed, which you showed us today. Please join" she pleaded.

"No" I say immediately, watching as her face falls. I clasped Prims hand tighter. "I'm sorry. It was an impulsive thing to do. I wasn't thinking when I was standing there. Whatever it is that you saw in me, I didn't plan it. And I'm pretty sure I can't do it again. It wasn't meant for the cameras or the crowd . . . it was just pure abhorrence."

"You're pretty" she says without hesitation. "Well . . . without the wounds and bruises" she eyes my arm and face. "You'd look good in frame and you have the fire we needed. Please . . ."

"I'm sorry Cressida. I'm not meant for the cameras. Excuse us." I walked passed her with Prim beside me and saw Curtis and Conrad at the elevator . . . And Peeta standing beside them.

•

•

• • •

**I changed the synopsis when I just found out that character limit is increased to 384 from 255. I hope you appreciate the cover. Thank you so much for reading! This is so not possible without you marvelous readers. I love you so much for reading this. Thank you so much to the Faves, Alerts and Reviews. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

• **09/02/12 •**

• **Reup: 09/08/12 •**

•

• •


	24. Chapter 23

• • •

• • • • • **SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •**

• • •

• **Chapter Twenty-Three •**

• •

_**[Katniss Everdeen]**_

•

"Katniss, how do you know him?" Prim asked, her interrogative expression is entirely new to me.

"He kept me company in my safe little place" I say, not looking anywhere except Peeta's eyes.

"Do you know he's wanted by the government?" he says, returning my horrid glare.

"I shouldn't be talking to you, but yes, I know he is. You can't turn him in, let him go Peeta" my voice was bleak, giving him the hint of menace through my eyes.

"Katniss, I'm not stealthy enough, sorry. Take care of Curtis while I'm in the dungeons" Conrad whispers looking down and looking at Cutis's perplexed wide eyes, very oblivious to what his father is about to embark on.

"Shush . . . You're not going to the dungeon." Then I turned to Peeta again. "Let him go" I sound like I'm threatening him.

I won't let Peeta. Conrad is a kind young man. And to think that I just stood on the podium babbling about undeserved comeuppance. So what does he deserve? Definitely not a punishment for protecting his child, but considering that Conrad is a child himself, he's not worth any kind of punishment. Then, I am reminded of myself, how I'm willing to sacrifice my own life for Prim and for my parents. I know how it is to lose the ones you love. I know how it's like, there's no way I'm going to let anyone experience that kind of feeling. Conrad is no different from me. I will do everything in the extent of my power to help him. I see no reason for him to be punished. I can't argue with him if he wanted to get away from Thirteen. The men don't have a choice. Joining the rebel army is compulsory, can't there be an exception just or him?

"I'm not going to turn him in, someone just wanted to see him. You can come to the armory if you want" Peeta says, without the gentleness and shyness, which I never heard before. Why can't I trust him again? The gush of insecurity returned to me, like we have just met. He seemed like a very different person right now. But who am I to care? I don't need him anyway. For the first time in such a long time, I'm in doubt of trusting him. I can't desipher the answer to my own unspoken questions. Every single detail of District Thirteen seemed like a mirage. Everything's completely unreal. I feel like I'm just caged in a never-ending nightmare, the steadfastness of everything here is the most complex detail I can't quite make of.

"Katniss, I'll go the hospital now. Promise me you'll go back to our Compartment" Prim says. And I can't help to think that Prim is growing a distance from me, each day, a mile farther away.

"Promise" I assured her with a smile. She then went on her way.

"I'll go with him to the armory" I say, keeping an impassive façade. Peeta turned to elevator while holding Conrad's arm. Conrad carried Curtis in his arms while we're being transported to the armory, Peeta didn't lose his grip on Conrad's arm and kept his eyes fixated on me. We reached the armory without the atmosphere around us changing.

"Beetee" Peeta started.

A wide-eyed man faced us holding, what I think, is a Communicuff that he gives to Peeta. "Conrad Murray" he started looking at the young blond boy. "Curtis?" he looked at the child, who immediately hid behind his father.

"What do you want from him?" I asked in a harsh tone.

He narrows his gaze as his big brown weary eyes meet with my dark ones. "Everdeen," he says with an unusual recognition in his tone. "You're Katniss Everdeen" Beetee, I think his name was, says without doubt then half-smirked with his cracked lips. He looks exactly what he is, a tech-geek with his big eyes with a pair of huge pair of glasses and the unmistakable ingenuousness filling his aura.

"What do you want from him?" I urged, ignoring his words.

He stands up and examines me from head to toe then immediately shifts his gape to Conrad and Curtis. "I don't need anything from him. It's more like 'what he wants from me'—or rather 'need' is a better description. I'm going to provide him with a small scale hovercraft so he could escape to Three."

"Why are you helping me?" Conrad asks.

"I would respectfully ask Soldier Mellark and Miss Everdeen to leave," he turned to Peeta and me. "but first, here" Beetee threw a new Communicuff to Peeta then to me again. He walks to his table of wiry and gadget-thingy I'm never familiar with. He grabs something and threw another Communicuff, but this time, to me. "Delly Cartwright's request just a few moments ago. She saw your little speech, which by the way, is more appealing than the other propos ever aired. You deserved it. I'm glad my hacking skills aren't wasted since something flame-blazed was just aired all over Panem. Good job" he says, his half-smirk turns to full.

What is he blathering about? What I did was something shameful, without regret though, but I don't feel the need for attention. Never in my life that I longed for attention. And what? Aired all over Panem? The Capitol even? Then it occurred to me, maybe if I peek out a little above ground, my head will be blown to bits immediately. I got myself into a mash of dangers and threats, which I could have prevented easily. Damn me for being so stupid and clumsy. I should be running for my life now. A gazillion Peacekeepers might be waiting with their biggest guns to execute me in one blow. But my safety is not a tinge of my concern. Prim and the people from Thirteen. How does this reflect my actions?

"Whatever it is that I said, I didn't mean it for turn out to be like that. In fact, what I said is not for the eyes of Panem, only the Capitol" I say in opposition. "I'm not planning to join . . ." I thought of what that thing is called. ". . . your propos. I'm no more than just a citizen"

"Darling sweetheart," I cringed at his revolting endearment "Can't you see what you just did?" both his eyebrows arched up. "You made District 1 and 4 join the rebellion. Just as immediate."

"That fast?" my face turned bewildered.

"The effects of television" he says, his face is like the triumph of catching a dragonfly in the meadow. "But you, most especially" he smiled again, but this time, his smile is more fatherly than a tech-geek who just accomplished victory in expanding the strength of the rebellion. "Thank you. May I request for a private conversation with Conrad and the little boy?"

"Sure" Peeta says very quickly.

Before turning for the door, I threw the Communicuff to Beetee, which he catches with ease. "Sorry, what I did is not for any reward" I turn for the door, all the while I was thinking of being as far away from Peeta as possible. I paced my steps and head to the elevator, with his stealthy pair of feet, he was able to catch up.

I pushed the elevator button, it doesn't open for at least ten beats when I walked in and he follows behind silently. It's a long wait until our reach our compartment floors. I inhaled oxygen full of unnatural air, not the natural air in the woods. I am reminded again that I'm not in District Twelve, that my woods has been bombed and disintegrated. It does no longer exist except maybe in my vague and fleeting memory. I was replaying in my head several dawn and noon of my hunting days. Some were about Gale and I but the most recent are me with this boy. How long could any of us withstand this sulking quietness? I could but not for another ten seconds. But I know what I want to do. Obey Delly because I owe her. Ignoring Peeta is not a quart of what needs to be paid.

"I'm not expecting for a response, but I know you can't cover your ears. I want to ask this so very badly" he pauses, holding his breath. "What am I to you?" Suddenly, I feel a searing urge to answer, but part of me retorts. Although I can sense that the impulse of want dominates my struggling retort. I bite my full bottom lip. My teeth almost sink into the flesh. How deep are we beneath the ground? Why is it taking so long to reach that floor? I taste a little pint of blood from my lip, it tasted rusty and repulsing but this bitter taste and pain is a good distraction from him.

Peeta stares at me with his scrunched eyebrows. I turn to face away. He reaches for my chin and I did nothing to ebb him away, but I wasn't looking into his deep blue eyes, as to repel from being lost entirely into him. His shadow took over the light of the elevator. I placed a hand on his warm skin and somehow I longed for it but I pressed it hard, pushing his weight to open a distance. He smelt of his own. He steps back.

With his thumb, he frees my bottom lip, revealing my bleeding wound. I pursed my lips to hide it somehow.

"What are you to me?" I spoke after what feels like a million of seconds. The question was directed to me more than to him.

"What are you thinking when you were standing there?" he asks, a question which doesn't have any relation to what I just said. He steps an inch closer.

For some stupid reason, I grin, shaking my head. "I don't know"

"You just helped fueling up a war and you don't know what you're thinking" he says somewhat awfully. "How long are you planning to keep this up?"

_What? Fueling a rebellion or the silence?_

"What I mean is the silence and your stupid retaliation" he answers my unspoken questions. "You're biting your lip, how childish can that get?"

I licked the oozing blood from my flesh as I kept my head down. "Not really childish, I'm never childish. You are."

He giggled a genuine one. Oh, how I missed that. "Delly said sorry. Little by little, recovering from her deranging state."

I pressed both my palms onto his chest and pushed strongly but he didn't move. When did I become so weak? I looked at him in his blue tantalizing eyes, fighting the loud thumping in my chest and fighting my weak state. As stupidly as it is I said words, not planning to escape my mouth. "My secrets, you know all of them. You stole them from my lips. I don't know how you did it but I trust all of it to you"

Before I could make another move, he holds both my feeble body and pressed them against the elevator wall as his lips came crashing into mine. I struggled and moved my head but he's very tenacious, like he has no plan of letting me move. He kisses deeper and more passionate. And by this point, I ask myself: Why am I not resisting?

He finally pulls away, catching the breaths he temporarily lost. I was panting along with him. The elevator door opened, and before I stepped out, I clenched my fists and threw the metal-like hand into his face. His feeble knees fail and falls but I did nothing to help him. I ignored Peeta, as if all his kisses, all his comfort are just mere garbage. I walked out, my mind and expression flooded with nothing but fume.

• • • • •

• •

•

Three weeks had passed since everything. Peeta's out of our compartment, the patches of bruises and the wounds are gone. I've seen him with Delly at the Canteen every day. I see him glance but turn away when I catch him, like those childish days in school. His face has healed from the bruise that I left it with. I quickly shifted to Delly. He's right, Delly's slowly returning to herself, not fully though. We never had spoken a word to each other since he kissed me against my will. Conrad and Curtis are already out of Thirteen and presumably in the cradle of Three, where he said his family is. Beetee says he's safe. I have no reason to not believe him. And I also told him my plans. He said he can do something about it. And Conrad's absence in the rebellion army might just endanger him. So, with my stubbornness and tenacity, I was able to save Conrad from the soldiers and at the same time have the chance to save my parents. I can't wait to see them again. No one can stop me now. Beetee says he can help me with using Conrad's name. I thanked him for it and tomorrow dawn, I have to leave Prim and my Aunts secretly so I can be transported to District 4 for the training before the invasion.

Going to Four isn't my choice. Beetee said that for every soldier, there will be an assigned district to train from, something to assure the victory of the rebellion in all the Districts without leaving an exception. Since District 4 just joined the rebellion, they need more soldiers for their army. I guess I'm going to be one of them.

"Katniss, want mine too?" Prim says as she studies me intently. I was just finished with my food, and it's obvious that I want more because I was staring at her plate. I immediately shake my head.

"I'm full, really. You eat it" I smiled at her. I feel guilty by not telling her. But I know she'll be alright here without me. I know she will because I told her a lot of times. I can have Peeta protect her but when can I say it to him? Will he forgive me after what I did to him? He's the only one I can trust to take care of Prim. But I'm not allowed to get near him, a rule somehow governing both Delly's wishes and my own. Lunch is over and I headed to the Kitchen, as to follow my schedule for the day. Prim and my Aunts head to the Hospital for theirs.

After I rinse the last of the dishes, a voice from the speakers looms out. "Katniss Everdeen, please be guided accordingly to your new schedule preceded before your printed schedule. As demanded by Soldier Cartwright."

_What?_

"Soldier Mellark will be accompanying you" the voice receded and my face is left with crunched eyebrows. _Not him. Anyone but him._ I've been trying to avoid him for the last three weeks, and they expect me

"Since that speech of yours, they swoon at you," Greasy Sae says as she dries the dishes. "Begging you to be on cameras again. That's not how I know you Katniss. They're thinking of the natural concept of an average citizen's thoughts, they say it's a good propo. But still better if the victors are included, they have a bigger impact to Panem."

I half-grinned and said "I'm not for the cameras"

"I miss the old lethal Katniss" she smiles, showing the weary line on her face. _Me too._ "You miss hunting?" I nodded. Then she alternates her gaze past me, over my shoulder. "He's here"

I dried my hand on the apron at my torso then took it off.

"What?" a word with a hiss and a scowl, it was the first word I said to him in three weeks.

"Delly wants to speak to you. She's in the Recreational Center" he says plainly. "Come with me"

We reached the Recreational Center. It was a big room with plants and trees. Birds and butterflies are flying about, like the scene in my Meadow. The birds sing rhythms but these birds aren't Mockingjays. Then Peeta walks into a path with dandelions and yellow tulips leading to where Delly Cartwright's bench where she's painting, very keen on her strokes, like she never stepped in the Hunger Games arena. There're two canvases, apparently the other one is Peeta's. "Delly," Peeta called her attention as she quickly place the brush down.

"Hi, Katniss" she smiled like the smile she offered me in the Justice Building, as if she never caused me a bruise, like she was never deranged. Returning to the old Delly Cartwright but with her stomach turning into a noticeable bulge. "How are you today?"

"I'm fine" I think it's not enough to say, so I add some more words, trying to sound nice, which I know I'm not good at. "What are you painting?"

"Uhm, flowers and butterflies. They're not that good though" she smiles and picks up her brush. She dabs the furred tip to the color yellow and touched the canvas with her very steady hands. Millions of people are dead and the protector is here painting flowers. _'The protector'_ a cheesy name that they gave Delly, the symbol of the rebellion. People eat that crap. They say the citizens need something to believe in. And this is one way to build up their faith in each other. In my case, I'm not eating that gimmick. Of course it's not her who thought of that gimmick, some genius did and it doesn't seem to be enough to make all the citizens of Panem fall for it. Beetee said that District Two hasn't joined the rebellion.

"Really? Why don't I believe that? Let me see" I smiled and looked at her painting. It wasn't bad. In fact, it's beautiful, like how Peeta's painting would look except for some uneven lines and different shading styles. "Wow, I don't know you're this good"

Peeta sits on the bench, adjacent to his canvas. I stole a quick glimpse at him and turned to Delly again. "Peeta's painting the sunset. His favorite ambiance."

I look at Peeta's painting. It was that last sunset I was being reminded of. For some incomprehensible cause, I thought it was that same sunset. There is a really big tree, which I think is a fire tree and sitting on it are two silhouettes of a girl and a boy looking at the orange setting sun. The sun's last peeks of ray are reflected on the lake. I hum, recalling _Goodnight Sun, Hello Sun._

"Playing with the fire tree's silhouette . . . The sun is waving before it slept . . ." I sing to her, she stops and stares at me, recognizing the song.

"Oh, I know that!" she says like a child being offered a candy. "Little children running home, to safety they go . . . One, two, three, who's the last to flee? . . . Four, five, no worries, we'll suffice . . ." she sang as I did, she placed the brush down to clap her hands to imitate the playful melody. Peeta just watches us with brief glances from his canvas.

"What's that called?" she asked, I realize now that all traces of her deranging are completely gone.

"It's Goodbye Sun, Hello Sun" I say. "My father used to sing it to me and Prim"

"I love that song when I was a child. Peeta taught me that a long time ago" she says excitingly.

"Really?" I turn to him. Peeta seemed dumbfounded as he stares blankly into his painting. He puts the brush down and looks at me.

"How d'you know that song, Peeta?" Delly asks.

"Some stupid reason . . ." he scoffed but continued. "I heard you sang it during an afternoon playtime in school. I memorized every line instantly" he breaks his gaze and resumes painting. I didn't know why I frown at what he said but I manage to regain my proper composure.

"So, why do you want to speak to me?" I diverted the subject of the little chat. Her face suddenly falls.

"I wanted to say sorry" Delly says with undoubted remorse. "How do I make it up to you?"

"I'm not asking for an apology." I reached for her paint-stained hand and squeezed it to reassure her. "Please don't be upset"

Delly looks at her stomach and touches it gently with her other hand. "I promise I'll take good care of Gale's child. I know I must be so young to have a baby but it's his last wish. Gale really loves you." Peeta's attention was drawn to our little talk as I catch him glance our direction. "If it wasn't for him, I'm dead right now. He saved me from being killed by the other tributes and saved me from myself. I owe him. You don't owe me, Katniss." I sighed and looked at a bird flying from a tree to another, it chirped one high pitched tune before it reached the other tree. Delly grabs both of my shoulders and pulled me near her, she positioned her mouth to my ear. Her soft breaths are touching my skin. "I finally understood you and Peeta. You don't need to feel guilty about being with him. And forget everything that I've said. I'm really sorry."

We pulled apart and I was looking into her sorrowful pale blue eyes once again. "Don't be."

"It was against the rules of the Capitol to make contact with the Avoxes but we did, we communicated with them in written. They really miss you. They serve at the training center. We didn't give them much trouble, Effie and Haymitch did though. We helped them and promised them that they won't have to be slaves any longer. It was the reason Gale was very eager to get home as soon as possible. He killed all the Career Tributes and the other innocent ones just to make sure that one of us gets to go home in one piece. Then it came the time when it was just three of us. As expected, Gale easily snared the last of the tributes and it came down to him and me. We lasted two or more weeks like that, dodging flames, thunders and floods" she closes her eyes, enduring the slightest painful memory of being part of the Hunger Games. I know she's not finished with what she has to say but I didn't demand on it. I can't let her relive the most unbearable era of her young life. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it strongly. Her hand is colder than ice and trembling. "He asked me for this favor—to give you this piece of him, safely—and tell you about your parents." She clasps my hand tighter and closes her eyes tightly, making my bones feel like little twigs breaking but I didn't flinch once.

I placed my free hand on her back and embraced her. She buried her face in my neck and started sobbing. "Hey, don't cry." I whispered.

"Delly," Peeta sat beside her. "You need to rest" he turned to me. "We'll leave for a while, will you be alright?"

I nod. She stands up weakly then Peeta accompanies her out the Recreational Center. Not very long after, he returns to where I am, finishing his painting. He sat there, focused only on his art, and not glancing my direction. Should I talk?

From a small distance, I grabbed a dandelion and stare at it for a long time. Remembering what my father does, I imitated him with what little memory that I have. I blew softly the flower and the small seeds started to dance in the air in a rhythmic manner, like feathers wavering into uncertainty. He seemed to be a bit distracted by what I did and glances at me. After a millennium of silence, for which I wish we have not got accustomed to, he speaks. "Done," one word that was meant for himself rather than my ears.

"Can I see?" I say, my ill throat is rough-like rocks.

"Sure," for the first time in how many million hours, he flashes his gentle and sweet smile with that little tinge of shyness, my favorite. I looked at his painting and saw that it was even more marvelous and breathtaking as it was earlier.

"What I was thinking is . . . I was hungry with what you have to offer for me" I say suddenly, referring to his question that I should have answered as immediate, but too cowardly to. I was only looking in his painting, my vision stuck on the boy sitting on one of the fire tree's thick limbs. He looks at me, not changing his impassive face.

"I'm sorry for kissing you against your will." I shouldn't have. I say nothing but he kept on anticipating with my response, a few beats later, he gives up and parts his soft pink lips. "I'm angry at you though"

"What?" my eyebrow twitches.

"I saw Conrad's name is still registered on the list of Rebel Soldiers. And from what I know, he's left Thirteen and has gone out of this District's punishment." He eyes me conspicuously. "Why do I have the feeling that he'll be joining the army after all, his ghost maybe?" he says sarcastically. "I assume that it has something to do with your parents. What are you planning to do?"

"You know what . . ."

•

•

• •

**I re-updated Ch-22 for inconsistencies, grammar and such.**

**Thank you so much for reading! I love, love, love you so much for reading this. Thank you so much to the Faves, Alerts and Reviews. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Appreciation overload here . . .**

**So, how is it? Still plain and bland? . . . Let me through our head, tell me what you think. THANK YOU AGAIN!**

• • • • •

• •

•

• • • • • _**~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •**_

• **09/08/12 •**

•

• •


End file.
